Grad school types and religious assholes want to convince us that assimilation is mean and racist and makes immigrants betray their cultural roots, but what if they're just really psyched to live somewhere that isn't an abject shithole?

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Quit pretending to be weird. You’ve got perfect genes and your parents are richer than God. You should be lounging around a castle on a mountaintop and generally getting the fuck out of anywhere we hang out.
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Man, that’s intense. First “Baloo” dies after only a few years, then the other best friend dies. He can go to shows and do shots and maybe even talk to some chicks, but without his two bros waiting for him, it’s just not the same. Those guys were more than just dogs. They were... no wait. They were just dogs. THEY WERE FUCKING DOGS, GUY! MOVE ON.

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