Back in the 70s the future was all molded plastic and skin-tight jumpsuits and dystopias based on having too much sex. The next couple decades are a little hazy, but judging from the way it turned out they involved the back of a paneled van and roughly 2- to 3,000 canisters of nitrous.

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Russian girls like to have this dark, brooding thing that makes them look like Dostoevsky with tits. Of course, if they do look like Dostoevsky with tits, dudes are like, “You can be as deep and intellectual as you want. I’m not a gay.”
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