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That space blanket is perfect. I want one the next morning that I'm promising God that I'll never do it again as long as I don't die this time.

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What the fuck is your problem? You’ve already tyrannized the bathroom and kitchenette, now she can’t even fuck in peace? Screw bad roommate, you are basically the mom from Carrie right now.

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You think the dominant ethno-cultural group in your neighborhood is weird? Until you’ve tasted the glory that is the French Canadian you have no idea. This guy is going to bring his three plain burgers (with extra gravy) to a local bar, salt up his beer, and give some stranger a two-hour lecture on why “De womens” have more nerve endings in “deir assholes dan deir vagines.”

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