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Non mi dispiacerebbe farmi un giro del mondo sessuale. Mi piacerebbe anche partecipare a quella gara di hot-dog-eating a Coney Island, perchè, che voi ci crediate o meno, adoro la carne processata. Detesto quando un mio conoscente legge quella propaganda vegetariana che è Fast Food Nation, perchè per la settimana seguente devo sorbirmi sguardi assassini seguiti da: “Che schifo! Ma lo sai quante persone sono morte in quella fabbrica?” Vaffanculo. “Quello non è neanche pollo vero!” Sei un coglione che non usa la propria testa. “Quelle schifezze non le mangerei mai.” Cazzate, l’hai mangiato due settimane fa e lo mangerai di nuovo sabato prossimo quando sarai nuovamente ubriaco. Avevo un amico che lesse quel libro. Adesso non siamo più amici. Lo conoscevo da anni. Ma non me ne importa più niente di lui. La realtà è che sceglierei sempre e comunque l’hamburger al posto di un amico. Spero che l’hamburger condivida i miei sentimenti. Comunque, già che siamo sull’argomento degli obbiettivi di vita, vorrei che venisse messo a verbale che voglio rapinare una banca, farmi di acido e andare al Super Bowl, e guidare una di quelle macchine veramente veramente veloci. Mi piacerebbe se la macchina avesse funzioni tipo le bombe a gas o il lancio di gasolio sull’asfalto. Non mi opporei ad averli tutti e due ma non voglio peccare di ingordigia. Inoltre vorrei anche pescare un pesce enorme, ma talmente enorme che una volta che ce l’hai sulla barca le tue uniche opzioni sono: A) mazzuolarlo a morte, o B) sparargli con una pistola. Sceglierei di sparargli, ma finirei per bucare la chiglia e farla affondare. Ma avrei la mia scialuppa privata pronta. Mentre navigherei via verso il tramonto, fumando sigarette a nastro e prendendo a calci l’acqua come un bambino, riderei in faccia a tutti i miei colleghi naufraghi in alto mare. A seconda di come mi sento potrei fare quella cosa divertente quando metti una mano all’orecchio e fai finta di non sentire dicendo, “Cosa? Scusa, non ti sento. Vuoi che ti faccia ‘Aprire la mia ostrica?’ Cosa? Non ti sento! Cosa?” Perchè quello sketch è buffissimo, no?

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Subject: potty mouth
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Subject: Angel Mouse
Date: May 31 2005 09:22:59 PM
Author: Justin

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Subject: Hey.
Date: May 30 2005 06:15:51 PM
Author: Jenny

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Subject: gym nazis
Date: May 14 2005 12:39:18 PM
Author: Joe Suburbs

hahahahahahahahahahaha... too true, spot on...

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Subject: gym homophobes
Date: May 11 2005 05:11:36 PM
Author: tim

at my gym a few weeks ago an overly tan guido with a theater masks tattoo (you know the smily face and the sad face...whateverthefuckit's called) told me to stop stretching where i was because he didn't want to see my ass near his face while he was doing his exercise. i was doing my shit first. i was listening to death metal too loud to understand what he wanted at first. when i realized what he was asking i rolled my eyes and continued to stretch. he had a soul patch, too.

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Subject: Chris at the gym?
Date: May 07 2005 04:35:35 AM
Author: METZ

Chris at the gym? thats like a game of soccer . . .with a goal! Unheard of, but needless to say Props to the great one. I think there is some Dave Carnie coming out in the second review . .all the talk of poo. Ahh Chris, do you miss Dave? and Heather and Clyde and the whole BB crew? Is NJskateshop not packing the luster you once thought it would? Is there a couple Loratabs hiding under the cash register at NJ? Its okay, we all hate Larry Flynt just as much as you do. I just want one more "Mr Miagee" interview and I can die a broke sktater. In the meantime this will do . . .Gonzo online . . . .

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Subject: Just, um. Eh.
Date: May 04 2005 11:44:25 PM
Author: Jenny

This is the only worthwhile article I've read in this edition. I'm not sure what to make of that.

It's useful to me because:

1. I didn't want sex enough three hours ago to say anything then to the hot German graduate student. In that interval, I've had three drinks to facilitate the thesis-writing process, and I'm so close to booty calling. My conscience prohibits it for the time. This is the article that serves to transition to online porn tonight.
2. I used to purge alot, and in order to hasten the process, I fantasized about the second entry. It's the whole Julia Kristeva defilement thing, all against nature. Eating feces and vomiting food respond to an almost essential defilement. It's not even discursive, it's so fundamental. Purging is practically oral sex.
3. I study subversive Victorian literature, and this helps me to better contextualize Victorian subversion. Like, I'll bet that Huysmans enacted Potty Mouth before he wrote Against Nature.
4. It's actually well-written. Anything well-written ought to be celebrated.

I apologize preemptively for being annoying and citing literature. I have an obsessive personality, and I'm finishing my thesis. That makes it okay. Well, and I weigh 101 lbs., and I've had about three drinks.

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Subject: don't go to the gym
Date: Apr 29 2005 09:56:52 PM
Author: play outside

"I've been going for two hours a day for a month now and hadn't seen one gym Nazi yet."

I guess they don't have mirrors at that gym.

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Subject: da judge
Date: Apr 29 2005 01:40:34 PM
Author: award

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Subject: GYMS ARE 4 FAGS
Date: Apr 27 2005 01:30:24 PM
Author: GYMS ARE BETTER THAN DRUGS

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Subject: the gym
Date: Apr 26 2005 10:43:51 PM
Author: slimgym

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Subject: gym=fags
Date: Apr 26 2005 09:41:09 PM
Author: rbsambo

last mugg hit it right on the head...

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Date: Apr 26 2005 09:12:19 PM
Author: the masked marauder

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Subject: You got the touch....
Date: Apr 24 2005 08:55:00 PM
Author: DD

Chris is still the best staff writer this mag has. So many times I had fantasized about communilly humiliating and dismembering the neckless pizza-faced dildos staring at me like i'm their fucking dinner.

Now I belong to the Y. Nothing but geriatrics, the morbidly obese, and of course, bebe's kids.

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Subject: dirty
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Subject: Bong Butt Babes
Date: Apr 23 2005 07:39:57 PM
Author: V

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Subject: Chris Nieratko
Date: Apr 23 2005 09:59:58 AM
Author: Brian

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Author: Johnny Poocano

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