After suffering at the hands of store-bought Kurt & Courtneys, Sid & Nancys, and Siegfried & Roys for years, we've finally decided that the only acceptable Halloween costumes for couples are those British kids from the Goo cover, two back ends of a horse, or going as each other.

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While homos and fashion editors battle every hour of aging like it’s an hour glass with a nuclear bomb at the end of it, some of us can’t wait to get older. Some of us can’t wait for that magical time when you give so little of a shit you wear a fanny pack because it’s practical, a Tupac shirt because you found it, and a matching rayon tracksuit top because, well, why the fuck not?
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Can you imagine how hard one of those Mystery-worshipping pickup magicians would shit himself if this guy pulled up through a veil of mist saying “Here let me call you back, Phil, I’ve just got to deal with something real quick”? It would sound like a buffalo hitting cliff-bottom.
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