Poor Babs. It was hard enough prying yourself out of the k-hole long enough to ask where the bathroom is, then just when you thought you were in the clear the sun comes glinting off his pate and locks you in his tractor beam. Michael Gira was right.

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We have given girls so many options for shoes it’s not true: heels whenever possible, flippies three times a week at the most, Chucks as a staple, preppie never fails and, if you can’t think of anything else go weird. There’s no longer any excuse for your gross sandals.

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He’s everybody you ever wanted to punch, positioned in exactly the position you want him to be in when you punch him. You’d knock off his glasses and bounce his head off the side of the refrigerator and he’d hit the floor and look up at you all hurt and confused with a perfect trickle of blood coming from his nose. He’s punching-people porno. In fact, I’m jerking off right now.
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