Viceland.com - VIDEO GAMES KILLED THE RADIO STAR

Guitar Hero
Red Octane

Il gioco più bello mai provato nella mia vita.

Ho passato gli ultimi tre giorni sul letto, a fissare lo schermo e muovere la testa mentre, a mio modo, suonavo “Higher Ground” (versione Chili Pepper), “Iron Man”, “I Wanna Be Sedated” e “Sharp Dressed Man”. Non voglio giocare a nessun altro gioco. Mai più. Guitar hero è composto da una piccola chitarra di plastica con 5 pulsanti sul manico e una barra degli strumenti sul corpo principale. Sullo schermo c’è lo stesso manico di chitarra, e man mano che si illuminano i bottoni colorati tu schiacci quello corrispondente, insieme con uno strumento. Tutto qui.

Almeno al primo livello, perché al livello medio, il gioco introduce il quarto bottone e l’uso delle corde. Poi, al livello massimo, si aggiunge il terribile quinto bottone arancione della morte, che con migliaia di corde, ti permette di produrti in assoli pazzeschi.

Mi sono talmente immerso nel gioco, che tutto il resto ha perso di importanza. Non sono andato a pisciare per ore, finchè NON SONO RIUSCITO A SUONARE QUEL CAZZO DI PEZZO DEI FRANZ FERDINAND CHE NEANCHE MI PIACE. Non che per divertirti con Guitar Hero devi per forza riuscire ed essere bravo. Anche fallendo, resta il miglior videogame di sempre. E che diventa un po’ frustrante, questo si. Poi, di colpo, il segreto di Guitar Hero mi si è svelato durante il sesto tentativo consecutivo fallito di suonare “Spanish Castle Magic”. Per vincere a questo gioco, devi semplicemente lasciarti andare e liberare le tue mani dalle loro inibizioni e lasciare che si muovano sul manico della chitarra come due cigni che fanno l’amore in LSD. Tutto qui!

E cos’ ho fatto, sfornando assoli dei Judas Priest e degli Incubus come se fossi il re degli assoli sfornati. Ho suonato “Fat Lip” dei Sum 41 madando in delirio la folla del Toxic Tour.

Ah già, dimenticavo l’opzione carriera. Scegli un personaggio (i migliori sono il punk magrissimo e il metallaro enorme)e una chitarra (hanno Les Pauls e via dicendo).

Inizi coi primi concerti nelle cantine, per poi spostarsi in club sempre più grossi.

Unico appunto—ci vorrebbero più canzoni. Tipo un disco di espansione pieno di pezzi nuovi o una roba del genere. E’ solo un piccolo appunto, non corri comunque il rischio di annoiarti. Mai.

Guitar Hero resta il miglior gioco di sempre.

COLONEL ED SANDERS

Comments:

Subject: Guitar Hero
Date: Mar 30 2006 03:56:05 AM
Author: Albo Flowbo

I was bored of those shitty shooty pressy games until I found Guitar hero then also I found tis the best game everrrr. Picked it up in China for 6RMB in a photocopyed box and my life ended there. Our tv's fucked up from the monsoonal weather so when I finish playing my visions got a slight mushroomed wobbliness that makes things breathe...buy the game fucking ace!

Subject: play games on the network!
Date: Mar 30 2006 02:02:22 AM
Author: ZJ

I think the proper training of people can play games thinking ability! But if a game addiction so! I would like to be the opposite result! Lead decadent! Lead degenerated! That crime!

Subject: Guitar Hero
Date: Mar 27 2006 10:03:25 PM
Author: j_stew

i think the game has nothing to do with guitar talent. of my friends the ones who picked it up the fastest were drummers or serious gamers. it's all about rhythm and hand eye coordination. we've even gotten a local bar to make tuesdays "guitar hero night" were we can play it on the big screen and pay too much for drinks

Subject: crack
Date: Mar 27 2006 12:14:41 AM
Author: 911

my thumbs still sore from iron man...i chose it as my first song and it took me a fucking half hour to get thru it but i might as well have given birth to jesus it felt that good

Subject: Guitar Hero
Date: Mar 26 2006 09:08:23 PM
Author: eM

This game is even better than what you say. I have to admit though. If you've never played guitar i could see this game being too hard for people that have never picked up a guitar.

Subject: double-you the fuck?
Date: Mar 26 2006 01:30:29 AM
Author: fuck

what the fuck does this have to do with food?

Subject: Vice sucks
Date: Mar 26 2006 12:15:28 AM
Author: A Journalist

Vice sucks. Go back to Canada

Subject: Guitar Hero Bonus Track
Date: Mar 25 2006 09:05:01 PM
Author: jb

Here is the best track you can "buy" in career mode of Guitar Hero.

The Slip - Even Rats:
http://myspace.com/theslipmusic

Subject: wee and poo
Date: Mar 25 2006 07:43:04 PM
Author: daniel

i cant play games anymore, i get sensory overload just from watching tv for a couple hours

Subject: One last thing snick
Date: Mar 25 2006 07:28:04 PM
Author: The Jew Reporter

"State of Emergency" came out three years ago if I remember correct, and from Rock Star, not "South Peak Interactive".

Way to be cutting edge Vice, you bunch of retards.

Subject: Nick, go to school
Date: Mar 25 2006 07:25:58 PM
Author: The Jew Journalist

Halo 2 isn't cool? Were you aware that aside from virtually every guy between the age of 15-24 being a player, so is Morrison and JJ, the two highest scorers in NCAA basketball, and not "casual" players either. Halo 2 online is arguably the greatest piece of entertainment ever created for guys up to this point in history as virtually any real player will attest.

As for being a stereo-type of yourself, here is an example, if a black person were to sit on a porch all day eating watermellon and saying "Yes sir." and "No sir", stopping only to break out into dance that guy would be a stereo type of blacks.

This article is the euivalent of that, Vice thinks they have to review "urban games" and say that they are cool even though everyone who actually plays games knows they blow wet shit. There is a stereo type of vice being this "urban mag" even though everyone knows it's phony and Vice feels they have to play up to that (and poorly too.)

Subject: the jew
Date: Mar 25 2006 06:02:01 PM
Author: nick

Cool kids? Please be not serious. And honestly, just shut the hell up alright, no one gives a fuck how many halo matches there have been. Christ, that was the worst post Ive ever read... unless you weren't serious, then it was just bad sarcasm. Also what does it mean to be a stereotype of your self? Im pretty sure that doesn't work.

Subject: Gay reviews
Date: Mar 25 2006 05:23:36 PM
Author: The Jew Journalist

Cool kids play Halo 2 on live. Over 3 billion matches as of last week.

Cool kids can't wait for Rock Stars new game, a ping pong simulater (seriously)

Cool kids can't wait for the Nintendo Revolution. You all probably don't even know what that is or what makes it so awesome.

Vice you are a stereo-type of yourself. Every game you reviewed here was SO FUCKING EXPECTED AND LAME (except for maybe guitar sim.)

Subject: Nieratko?
Date: Mar 25 2006 09:13:50 AM
Author: Jonesy

Fucking hilarious.

| Site Design: Solid Sender