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Questa rubrica è nata nell’ottobre del 1996 sull’edizione americana di Vice perché la rivista stava diventando così negativa da dover essere bilanciata da “uno sguardo mensile alle cose che amiamo.” Delle 869 pubblicate, 144 sono in realtà cose che adoriamo e le restanti 725 erano semplicemente cose assurde con nomi divertenti che abbiamo finito per prendere per il culo, cosa che ci ha riportati al dilemma del “troppo negativo”.

Non ci stiamo scusando, comunque. Fare una rubrica del genere significa aumentare del 300 percento il fattore divertimento nell’aprire la posta. Ogni volta che ci arriva una busta, ci ritroviamo con una cosa assurda fra le mani che ci fa pensare, “E’ possibile che le aziende non abbiamo cercato Butter Face su Google prima di spendere 3 milioni di dollari per commercializzare una crema che vuol dire ‘Facce brutte con corpi belli’?” Siamo forse io e te gli unici nel mondo a farci venire il sospetto?

La maggior parte dei Tidbits sono cose mai viste prima, ma per qualche motivo ce n’è tre che riceviamo tutti i mesi. Sono: Spaghetti Cinesi Smack, Zuppa Cock, Deodorante Pussy.

Questa è l’ultima volta che li pubblichiamo perchè si stanno accumulando in ufficio attraendo topi che fanno la cacca dappertutto facendoci venire allergie incredibili. Non respiriamo più. Ok?

ZUPPA COCK
Cock vuol dire cazzo. Quando abbiamo iniziato a riceverli vivevamo in Canada e non erano così assurdi per il fatto che lì i francesi vendevano zuppe di gallo (coq in francese). Poi ci siamo spostati a New York e i lettori hanno iniziato a mandarcene la versione americana. E notoriamente ai giamaicani piace il sapore del cazzo. Ecco perché quelli del Quebec si autodefiniscono “i Neri del Canada.”

SMACK SNACKS
Quelli della Smack alla fine sono andati su quella rete computerizzata superpopolare chiamata “la rete internet” e hanno scoperto che Smack vuol dire eroina. Ora si chiamano Snack. Gli abbiamo chiesto chi li ha avvertiti, e un portavoce ci ha freddamente spiegato che questo “lieve cambiamento” era “dovuto a problemi culturali e legali.”
INCENSO PUSSY
Sono fatti in Tailandia, e tutti i gusti hanno delle belle ragazze sulla scatola, tranne questo. I profumi sono fatti da dei chimici in California, quindi sappiamo che loro sanno che pussy vuol dire figa. Ora qualcuno dovrebbe dire loro che, a meno che tu non sia eccitatissimo, la “pussy” non ha questo splendido profumo.

CONTINUED:

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Comments:

Subject: k
Date: Feb 21 2006 10:14:10 AM
Author: j

i



Subject: pink nipple cream
Date: Dec 28 2005 06:29:28 AM
Author: hghj

i want that pink nipple cream, for me nips



Subject: simpsons
Date: Dec 27 2005 09:26:20 AM
Author: tv

bloodbath and beyond is the name of the gun store where homer buys a gun.



Subject: Bloodbath and Beyond.
Date: Dec 23 2005 04:32:24 PM
Author: Cueball

In case you didn't get it, the name Bloodbath and Beyond is a play on American retail giant "Bed, Bath, and Beyond."

I was gonna say "what you said about Bloodbath and Beyond is stupid, and you're stupid for saying it," but I figured I'd retract that, since it's Christmas time, and we're supposed to be all jolly and stuff. But I'm also retracting it since the rest of the website was alright, and otherwise agreeable with how I feel.



Subject: BB&B
Date: Dec 23 2005 04:03:19 PM
Author: Aero

Bloodbath and Beyond may not be the best band name ever, but "Adderall You Can Eat" is certainly the best song name in history.



Subject: blood guts hate and nightmares...
Date: Dec 23 2005 01:11:05 AM
Author: pancakes

blood bath and beyond might not be the greatest band name... but they are in the running for the greatest band ever. shit you are referencing them and they have only played a hand full of shows.



Subject: hipster death
Date: Dec 23 2005 12:00:56 AM
Author: justin

don't take your frustration on the massive flop that is the dfa1979 remix cd out on bloodbath and beyond.



Subject: I dunno
Date: Dec 22 2005 10:31:26 PM
Author: Max Dropout

Shirley Temple of Doom was a pretty good one, though the band are ultimately disappointing. Never come close to living up to the cleverness of the moniker.



Subject: yeah I know
Date: Dec 22 2005 10:15:54 PM
Author: ben bloodbath

we didn't even come up with the name ourselves. our friend did. we wanted to call the band "leather wolf".



Subject: hang on a minute...
Date: Dec 20 2005 04:16:00 PM
Author: wait...

bloodbath and beyond IS the most genius band name ever thought of.



Subject: funding revolution
Date: Dec 20 2005 12:25:46 PM
Author: instigator

we should find some small things that are cheap to make and sell them to stupid capilatists fuck that only care about money and they organize a way to steal all that money and give it to ourslevesas a present for taking money away from the greedy. Vice should help organize all of thier drug addict dont-care-bout-anything readers...put thier lzy asses to use.



Subject: Delicate Adventures
Date: Dec 19 2005 09:18:25 PM
Author: JoJo

I knew a guy who had air fresheners like that in his car. He drove a purple Geo Tracker. And you know that purple the Geos came in was kinda pinkish. Well anyway, I asked him why he had them in there, and he said it was to counteract the fagginess of the purple tracker. Only, he was the one who bought the damn thing in the first place.



Subject: Get used to it
Date: Dec 19 2005 07:29:40 PM
Author: Mike

"A Pro-Barf Buy"
-Article from Marketing Magazine, April 2004

"We've had (advertisers) say 'tone your content down,' and we tell them to fuck off," says Smith. "Because the minute we do we're dead."

"Vice grows up to be more ad-friendly"
-Article from Marketing Magazine, Tuesday November 1, 2005

Youth magazine Vice is growing up. The 11-year-old title, infamous for its provocative photos of everything from drug use and sex to bodily functions, is toning down the racier elements of its editorial approach in a bid to attract more ads.

In a letter sent to advertisers in September, Vice editor Jesse Pearson pledged the magazine will feature “less flippant commentary and no more gratuitous shock value.” The publication–which produces 10 editions in 13 countries and has a worldwide circulation of about 600,000–is “growing up a bit” says Pearson.

Erik Lavoie, Vice’s Brooklyn,N.Y.-based associate publisher, says the magazine has been gradually changing its editorial approach over the past several months. The “new” Vice, he says, will include more feature-type stories on fashion, art and culture. He doesn’t expect the new direction to impact the freebie’s 100%pick-up rate, and predicts that “it will attract more advertising.”



Subject: yesyesyes
Date: Dec 19 2005 06:26:02 PM
Author: hansel

i always thought that marcos has a pipe in his mouth instead a baguette in his hands.
delicate adventures cause sport stains on the backseat



Subject: say quoi?
Date: Dec 19 2005 02:59:19 PM
Author: hippidy dippidy

YES IT IS THE MOST GENIUS BAND NAME EVER THOUGHT OF



Subject: yummm
Date: Dec 19 2005 02:13:29 PM
Author: Randy o Dandy!

I really want a bowl of SMACK noodles



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