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O c’è stata una svendita in Nepal o sei il pavimento di una studentessa alternativa. Potresti essere uno di quei barili con sopra una scritta che dice “Tutto 5 Euro—Liquidazione Totale”, se solo fosse un nano sfigato invece che uno scatolone pieno di merda.


Mai notato come gli stronzi più misogini sono quelli che ciulano di meno? Amico, non oseremmo mai dirti a che ora ti devi masturbare. Quella è una scelta tutta tua.

Dato che noi fondatori siamo tutti di Montreal, passiamo metà del nostro tempo a New York spiegando a tutti che i Canadesi non sono solo Americani di bassa qualità, poi passate voi ravers tutti felici come se fosse il ’96 per sempre, sprecando tutto il nostro duro lavoro.

Su una scala da 1 a 10, quanto vi fa paura un poliziotto di Chicago vestito come un mammone fragile e viziato?
Piantatela di ridere, non sto scherzando.

Ma che cazzo succede? Sembra che i poliziotti di tutta America abbiano deciso che il modo migliore per ammazzarci senza conseguenze è vestirsi così da coglioni che non riusciamo a non prendervi per il culo. Ok, avete vinto voi, adesso vieni a fare l’abbruttita, Diva Cicciona.

Sono appena sbarcati la versione simpa di Posh Robbie e Superstar Princess Nikkie da LAHNdon. Andiamo a bere qualche cosa insieme? Ok! Aspettiamo che Robbie finisca il suo succo di carota così può cagare l’ecstasy che ha portato apposta, poi mettiamo Ministry Of Sound V.11 e balliamo a piedi nudi! Yeaah!
Cosa? Cosa c’è?

Essere feticisti dei piedi è pesante; uscirtene in pubblico è pesantissimo- stai facendo sapere a
tutti quanto sei disgustoso. Però far vedere a tutti quanto sei feticista, indossando un camice da infermiere e con una macchia di sbobba sui pantaloni è talmente pesante che sei ormai nel regno dell’uber-pesantezza: ci sono sorelle maggiori che raccontano leggende su di te ai loro fratellini per farli spaventare. Congratulazioni, Carletto, fai talmente schifo che dei bambini che manco conosci stanno piangendo per colpa tua.

Cosa sta cercando di dire questo idiota? Ha combinato “Adoro i sederi” con “ Anche tu adori i sederi, e già che ci sei, perchè non dai un’occhiata al mio sedere? Immagina se avessi un bel sedere come questo. Ti piacerebbe? Immagina tutti i sederi del mondo.”

Ecco cosa succede quando le spogliarelliste invecchiano- niente. Diventano delle vecchie spogliarelliste che ti fanno giurare SU DIO che non berrai mai più.

Va bene se stai fantasticando e ti immagini una città piena di zoccole con “Addicted to Fucking” scritto sulla maglietta che ti scrivono messaggi nella speranza che tu sia disponibile per del sesso violento e sportivo, ma appena ti rendi conto che non stai fantasticando e sei lì con la pancia tutta appiccicosa questa tipa deve sparire e tornare nei film porno della tua immaginazione.

Se vuoi dire a tutti che l’erba è il dono di Dio all’Uomo questo inverno, per favore tieniti al caldo. Al posto della solita t-shirt irriverente, perchè non ricamare il tuo messaggio su un pile con il colletto alto così che non prendi freddo mentre fumi?



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Author: The soul survivor

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Author: Sperm-King

All the staff at vice needs to drink a bukkake shake
with VD infested jizz , with a gun pointed to their empty fucking skulls, Seriously, You guys deserve to be tortured in ways never thought of before, because youre shitty magazine has reached new levels of lameness.
FUCK OFF VICE!
Sincerely,
Sperm King

Subject: Superstar Nikki
Date: Jan 05 2006 02:03:56 PM
Author: Me

Eurotrash Nikki is pretty fucking hot though.

Subject: vice
Date: Jan 04 2006 06:33:45 PM
Author: Slut among sluts

Ever notice how the most vocal, critical, and misogynist guys are the ones that get the least pussy?

= Vice !

Subject: JV don'ts
Date: Jan 03 2006 02:11:51 PM
Author: bob bummer

Person, you're slipping. These don'ts are sub-par and you have so much potential. I admit, the one of the short fag in technicolor with a satisfied look on his face makes me want to go back in time and strangle him when he was a baby, but the cop in heels was poor. Ok I just looked again, most are pretty good and the captions are just shitty.

Subject: WHAT IS A DO
Date: Jan 03 2006 08:07:08 AM
Author: makebusy7

please please please tell me what is a do

Subject: wheres the love
Date: Jan 03 2006 07:34:48 AM
Author: jamos

tearing people down to build yourself up!?! even with the authority of christ that sounds like shite. all i'm trying to say is this vice is sounding like a habit....

Subject: shite
Date: Jan 03 2006 03:21:07 AM
Author: anna

Sorry but the last couple of the do's and dont's have been totally shit - really agro. Who's writing them now? Stop trying so hard.

Subject: how sweet
Date: Jan 02 2006 11:34:50 AM
Author: megamos

Nah, Jamos seems to make a good point. I like the whole Vice ethic, but it doesn't mean they're not a bunch of twats. It's the Internet, for god's sake it's the only place you can call someone a cockmuncher without getting fucked over. Cockmuncher. Just enjoy it.

Subject: jamos is a fucken douche
Date: Jan 02 2006 01:08:18 AM
Author: peter

insulting these delusional losers is great fun and it also does wonders from the self esteem. teasing idiots is why jesus invented the internet and whats with that whole did u get beat up in pre school question its not funny and doesn't even make that much sense.

Subject: cops n ass shirts
Date: Jan 01 2006 07:18:42 PM
Author: doo doo

yeah the cop is shopped and the guy with the ass shirt is totally a do.

Subject: what the fuck
Date: Jan 01 2006 09:49:49 AM
Author: jamos

fuck you guys who says "don't" to people anymore? is this fucking preschool? were you fags beaten during recess? to end with a cliche one mans ceiling is another mans floor...

Subject: patches mchipster
Date: Dec 30 2005 08:46:31 PM
Author: hipstersareannoying

that first guy with the patches looks the same as all you other hipster fucks. Since when did it become a crime to wash your hair more than once a month, and buy clothes that don't look like shit?
Oh, and the pothead kid is a DO.

Subject: fuckin losers
Date: Dec 30 2005 02:20:53 PM
Author: Dr. Fate

that first guy looks like the biggest fag because he looks like a non-hipster trying to be a hipster & missing the point entirely... if he had dressed like woody allen or a professor then maybe "that guy" wouldn't show up time & time again.

Subject: pfffffffft
Date: Dec 30 2005 10:50:25 AM
Author: arnocorps

is that 'addicted to fucking' girl selma blair?

Subject: Scooter boy.
Date: Dec 30 2005 07:34:42 AM
Author: minibottlesrule

I saw a cop like that on his little scooter at Dulles/Reagan this weekend. He kept tooling around in a little circle, kinda going backwards, too, while talking to all his buddies and having a 'hey-look-at-me' desperation moment. He struck fear in no-one - I was just waiting for him to rack his rig into the wall. Man, that would have been funny.

Subject: Weed Bus
Date: Dec 29 2005 04:59:00 PM
Author: Tony Cojones

Dre, that wuz my snap of the fella in tha fleece. I only sent it in coz I wuz gutted his bird was sooo tasty (she had this kinda matching theme going on, embroidered Sesame St., so I guess it was her handiwork). On reflection, there's nothing sweeter than Jung love, so let 'em have it. Some Israelis go haring around the world post-army, post-skool, like it was Camp Runamuck on Crack. This can be slightly wearying on the gentile ass. These two, however, were just up for getting a little baked and banging eachother to the sounds of Manu Chao or any other dreary ethnic pot-pop that pervades the gringo trail. Wish I'd got a snap of 'em together, then at least I coulda whacked off over her face. Erm, oops, er, yeah...better be off.

Subject: The Angers Back!! :-D
Date: Dec 28 2005 07:35:42 AM
Author: Satin

Finally, just the right mixture....

Funny + Anger = VICE

You guys are definitely born again Hard!

Subject: nyierrtt
Date: Dec 28 2005 05:23:07 AM
Author: fukja!

hahahah excellent, fucking excellent job on portraying ultra lame dutch lameness in posh robbie and superstar nikki..

Subject: photoshop
Date: Dec 27 2005 02:27:53 PM
Author: photoshop

really, if you need someone who knows how to use photoshop...

you suck

Subject: amazing
Date: Dec 27 2005 02:26:21 PM
Author: 60 yr old single mom lesbian

my cats love this funny little magazine! I'm glad they toned everything down a bit, it used to be offensive.

Subject: remove the photoshop!
Date: Dec 27 2005 12:31:47 AM
Author: naveline

I say we deserve a bonus don't and it better be funny. this is a sham-- the grain of the asphalt, the upper heel of the shoe, and the very odd line all say one thing: art school computer lab!

Subject: 1 comment
Date: Dec 26 2005 01:49:54 PM
Author: Reality

Sorry vice, but the hands passing a joint is definitely a do, even DESPITE the polar fleece bullshit

Subject: dick guy
Date: Dec 26 2005 01:01:22 AM
Author: pug

maybe that guy(who i like to call Cliff) actually has the DICK? Cliff has the DICK! SO he MAKES all the rules.fuck i knew this shit wasn't a democracy..Fuck Cliff gimme the dick for alittle while.

Subject: that guy
Date: Dec 26 2005 12:58:34 AM
Author: dickduesch

that first guy is the biggest fag ive ever seen.too much effort dick.did u sew them pants yourself?

Subject: cop photo heels
Date: Dec 25 2005 05:01:30 AM
Author: i fell from the sky

even if it was photoshopped, because of the posture, its very clever

Subject: swine
Date: Dec 24 2005 02:54:26 PM
Author: el dregardo

I been here in chicago fucking freezing walking around downtown just trying to get a flick of squalie on one of these shits! and y'all beat me to it. bullshit. I wish bikecops would all just settle for these. find some stairs and they have no chance!

Subject: come on
Date: Dec 24 2005 07:17:34 AM
Author: fat tony

come the fuck on that girl in the green fleuro top is stunning, absolutely, and i mean beyond a wank fantasy too; i want to get to know her, take her to some arthouse movies, change her style to a fraction bohemian, introduce her to some bukowski, and then, fuckers, we'll make super babies and rule the streets of inner melbourne for ever.

otherwise, is that quote about vice's directional change accurate? somebody? because that's well fucked up if so, you know, this magazine is a stupid cool, anarchic pick me up, and really doesn't warrant toning down. you cuntfaced fucks.

Subject: cops are awesome.
Date: Dec 23 2005 10:33:37 PM
Author: Lisa ya There Hun?

isn't the hate for cops eighth grade stuff. its the rich fags that think hating cops is cool because they've never been in any real contact with them. other than when they get pulled over by the suburban fuzz that never see any real action and give you a lot of tickets for just about anything. ive had a bunch of experiences with cops in various different locations. all the times the guys let me go, one time i was parked the wrong way on a one way street,with a bud next to me. he told me to get out of hear. the next time i was double parked at a mall and the cop came up, said the car smelled like alcohol i said my friend was drinking. he let me go. the next time i was at a college one of the people i was with three a beer bottle at a girl. the cop knew we were drunk but let us go. the other times were fights and the cops actually told me you gotta fight sometimes, its natural. i say fuck the judiciary process, fuck judges, cops are cool guys.

Subject: stop bitchin
Date: Dec 23 2005 10:04:46 PM
Author: stop bitchin

stop bitchin..do something productive like getting a job,instead of being a pedantic jealous fag that writes a 1000 words of how vice changed with quotes and everything..dude ur a pussy and your probably the guy i knocked the fuck out last night.. hey guy hows ur face feel today?

Subject: upon closer inspection...
Date: Dec 23 2005 09:15:19 PM
Author: shaddup

Take a closer look douchebags:

The black dood is sporting a canteen, not a purse.



Also the pot pullover isn't a Patagonia, it's a Columbia.

Subject: fake high healed cop
Date: Dec 23 2005 09:11:12 PM
Author: juju

hangin......really. Hangin.

Subject: Caribana?
Date: Dec 23 2005 07:38:13 PM
Author: CommieCanadian

Oh can I come? I'm white though. But I can grab-ass with the best of them. It's just that caribana gives me the feeling I'd get beat up for trying it while wearing my white skin. Beat up, or shot anyways.

Subject: Caribana?
Date: Dec 23 2005 07:38:13 PM
Author: Deadend

Oh can I come? I'm white though. But I can grab-ass with the best of them. It's just that caribana gives me the feeling I'd get beat up for trying it while wearing my white skin. Beat up, or shot anyways.

Subject: fraud
Date: Dec 23 2005 01:22:27 PM
Author: Steve ob

You can see the line where the two pics were mixed. Different asphalt, didn't even bother to try and cover it.

Makes you wonder how many times this has happened before.

Subject: fraud
Date: Dec 23 2005 01:21:48 PM
Author: steve ob

Cop pic is photoshopped.

So very fucking weak.



Subject: wish i was gay
Date: Dec 22 2005 05:14:24 PM
Author: not a gay

it sucks for that first guy because you know he went through high school straight up to senior year getting beaten up for being a "fag", when in reality being a fag would've been the best thing that ever happened to him because by 29... (he's maybe 30), he would have been succesful, well dressed, and funny. instead he's a telemarketer, living with his parents and trying to talk 17 year old girls from differant countries to marry him on the web.

Subject: make a party in HELL
Date: Dec 22 2005 05:08:14 PM
Author: i hate most europeans

yeah, my building is filled with european immigrant, thirty somethings (mostly german) and the other night they came down to my buddies party and started invited girls at random, back to their place with this to lure them pack, "this is so fucked, come to our place so we can to make the party, it's much better, come on now with to make the party please, now" that's serious. they were saying that to basically every girl. we said we were going to beat the shit out of the guy that actually said that and his friend was like, "don't he's a passifist it's not fair, he won't fight back!" we were like, "so, you are saying if we fight him we'll definatley win? you guys better get outta here." europeans are mostly all don'ts, sorry guys but thanks for beer and sluts, other than that you are "fucked"!

Subject: those wer funny
Date: Dec 22 2005 12:26:26 PM
Author: ornage juice

poh robbie jizz guy, dickshirt miami strpper all made me laugh, along with the canadian ravers, even though im canadian those wer the ppl they chose

Subject: Import/Export
Date: Dec 22 2005 10:36:35 AM
Author: Art Vandilay

The guy with the 'booty' on his shirt has obviously been hanging out with posh robbie and superstar nikki. It not a purse it's a European hand bag.

Subject: retardo the magnificent
Date: Dec 22 2005 10:03:42 AM
Author: gonad stretch marks

ok i see what happened. you got the dos and the donts mixed up. everything is a do here. everything! even the loser with too many clothes on. he is still lightyears ahead of the busted asian chick trying to look like roy orbison. and the cop with the heels! what guts! what pinache! addicted to fucking??? no way! me too! what are the odds?

Subject: europe girl and text girl
Date: Dec 21 2005 11:08:28 PM
Author: drew

i dont see the "dont" in either of them. let me hold them. and then cum on them.

Subject: Dick T shirt
Date: Dec 21 2005 08:50:11 PM
Author: Lou

The guy with that t-shirt is not only stupid..He's lying..Or he borrowed half of my dick to wear that, he ain't got one of his own..And I think I fucked his girlfreind..Or did I? Or did the gut with the ass shirt....

Subject: the cop
Date: Dec 21 2005 07:40:56 PM
Author: the other guy

even if he did loes a bet, where the fuck do you buy fat bastard pumps in a size 15 that are made to support the 300+ lbs that guy weighs? Who bought them? The winner or the obvious loser cop?
PS That is the funniest goddam picture of a cop I am ever going to see, I hope that thing is posted all over the pig station where he works, I bet he can't even go to conferences on crime any more and get's his balls busted by every low life he arrests!


Subject: .
Date: Dec 21 2005 06:39:51 AM
Author: Djmon

Good point Brad, they are hypocrites

Subject: Vice Hating Themselves
Date: Dec 21 2005 01:48:05 AM
Author: Brad

Whoever's writing the do's and don'ts obviously has a foot fetish. I could go back and cite 20 examples where they're talking about how much a woman's footwear intensifies her sex appeal. Then they always complain about seeing guys in sandals.
So shut up, we all know you have a foot fetish. No need to hide it behind a don't saying that you think they're gross. Christ, there was already that puma sock reference in the Do's.
Also, I think the cop lost a bet. The picture's real.

Subject: bootyman
Date: Dec 20 2005 10:35:04 PM
Author: friz

We failed to mention that the man with the naked ass on his shirt is also carrying a PURSE.

totally improves the look.

Subject: dfgdfg
Date: Dec 20 2005 05:41:06 PM
Author: dfgfd

is it supposed to be bubbie?

Subject: life
Date: Dec 20 2005 05:03:24 PM
Author: sean

perhaps the "do's" do take it this issue..

but really. dear whiners,

shut
the
fuck

up. we're tired of hearing you bitch about every issue.
you pat robertson bitch

Subject: mistakes
Date: Dec 20 2005 01:17:39 PM
Author: habib el falafel

I actually liked the last two don'ts. I don't know why someone would wear an addicted to fucking shirt if they didn't want to get hassled by every drunk from new jersey but we all make bad decisions sometimes.

Subject: 2005
Date: Dec 20 2005 09:59:35 AM
Author: joe

These are the absolute worst Donts ever. Did a 20 year-old intern write this shit? Borrrrring!

Subject: ?
Date: Dec 20 2005 09:09:14 AM
Author: Mr Happy Boy

Why is the segue cop supposed to be funny?

Hm. Somebody start a new magazine, I guess. This one's sagging. I held on longer than most of you "this issue sucks" crowd, too. Oh well.

Subject: love to fuck
Date: Dec 19 2005 08:34:25 PM
Author: i hate tyra banks

looks like adrienne, americas 1st top model

Subject: green shirt girl
Date: Dec 19 2005 07:42:31 PM
Author: dizz

addicted to fucking. that shit is hot. beats the olive oil lookin' bitches with pageboy haircuts that vice usually showcases.

Subject: explaination for the bad issue
Date: Dec 19 2005 07:11:32 PM
Author: Mike

"A Pro-Barf Buy"
-Article from Marketing Magazine, April 2004

"We've had (advertisers) say 'tone your content down,' and we tell them to fuck off," says Smith. "Because the minute we do we're dead."

"Vice grows up to be more ad-friendly"
-Article from Marketing Magazine, Tuesday November 1, 2005

Youth magazine Vice is growing up. The 11-year-old title, infamous for its provocative photos of everything from drug use and sex to bodily functions, is toning down the racier elements of its editorial approach in a bid to attract more ads.

In a letter sent to advertisers in September, Vice editor Jesse Pearson pledged the magazine will feature “less flippant commentary and no more gratuitous shock value.” The publication–which produces 10 editions in 13 countries and has a worldwide circulation of about 600,000–is “growing up a bit” says Pearson.

Erik Lavoie, Vice’s Brooklyn,N.Y.-based associate publisher, says the magazine has been gradually changing its editorial approach over the past several months. The “new” Vice, he says, will include more feature-type stories on fashion, art and culture. He doesn’t expect the new direction to impact the freebie’s 100%pick-up rate, and predicts that “it will attract more advertising.”

Lavoie stresses that Vice hallmarks such as satirical writing and “clever ideas” will remain, but elements that have p

Subject: do you remember the time
Date: Dec 19 2005 04:23:24 PM
Author: hannah

when these were actually funny?

Subject: cop. foot. dick
Date: Dec 19 2005 03:55:12 PM
Author: adine

dude. that cop HAD to be photoshop'ed. are you kidding me? okay and the foot fetish gizz guy... so disturbing... as well as the purple "i have the dick" t-shirt. wow. what a tool. these ones are priceless...

Subject: ...
Date: Dec 19 2005 03:33:50 PM
Author: mo

vice dolls? c'mon -you guys can't sink that low
oh...wait....you just did!
ass holes

Subject: football
Date: Dec 19 2005 01:44:39 AM
Author: J.T.T

fuck this issue did you guys just mix the do's and the don'ts together? i agree the cop should be a do, replace it with some douchebag son of a bitch firefighter that died in 9-11. yeah fuck 9-11 too, get over it. when those bitches fell all the jocks at my school were crying. we made nationals that year.

Subject: dick
Date: Dec 19 2005 12:18:52 AM
Author: head

shit, that ASSS shirt is rock, haha what the fu'kin wrong with that cop....woooooowwwwww

Subject: Doober fleece
Date: Dec 18 2005 07:50:22 PM
Author: Andrew

That joint pullover is a lot cooler than a picture of a cat on turntables.

Subject: what's up with this bullshit
Date: Dec 18 2005 12:58:09 PM
Author: is this a joke issue

I didn't laugh a single time at these. It takes more than showing a badly dressed gay dude and saying "you're badly dressed and gay!" or showing a fat guy and saying "you're fat and can't get laid!" And the dude with a hot chick's ass on his ass is a do. That is some next level shit like you're looking at a fine girl's ass but you're really looking at some dude's ass. It's turning sexuality on it's head.

Subject: tshirt
Date: Dec 18 2005 07:06:42 AM
Author: pepe

Ahhh, the last night of Caribana; the one day a year when the Jamaicans actually wait until the clubs close before trying to kill each other.

Subject: Um. Wrong.
Date: Dec 17 2005 07:30:38 PM
Author: Y.A.B

The Cop with the high heels is a do based on sheer surrealism alone. The big ass shirt would be only be awesome if it was on a white guy, or on a black guy in a smaller size. Foot fetishes aren't a big deal.

Ain't fashion fun?

Subject: the cop with heels
Date: Dec 17 2005 06:59:14 PM
Author: me!!

that shit looks weird. like if the fuckin' shoe was floating or something...

but then again, the posture is fucked up too... so, this comment makes no difference.

Subject: high heel cop
Date: Dec 17 2005 12:59:58 PM
Author: Jes

I don't think the cop's photoshopped. His posture's too fucked up for you to blame it all on donut-gut. It's definitely a donut-gut/spiked heels combo that's making him stand that way.

Subject: high heels
Date: Dec 17 2005 09:38:34 AM
Author: mc mario

that shit be photoshopped

Subject: more asses
Date: Dec 17 2005 08:59:07 AM
Author: armie

Upon reviewing the picture again, it must be said that the t-shirt is the least of this guy's problems.

Subject: ass-t-shirt guy
Date: Dec 17 2005 08:50:10 AM
Author: amie

This dude should get a fashion pass. He's at Carribana in Toronto. That's our lone wind turbine on Lakeshore Ave. in the background. Carribana means that you get to drink and dance and grope women's asses all you want while nobody gives even notices what you're wearing.

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