Punk Rock Confidential

Can we stop pretending that punk isn’t really all about fashion and gossip? At least Fat Mike can. He just skyrocketed into our permanent good books by doing US Weekly, but for punks. That’s what his magazine Punk Rock Confidential is, plain and simple. Scoff all you want, but try to not read every issue cover to cover.

VERNER PANTONE



A-Trak: Sunglasses Is a Must
Audio Research DVD

Um, cool. A DVD about an award-winning DJ. Should be a real blast. What will there be on here, a 30-minute explanation of the history of the “crab scratch”? Sounds enthralling.

But hold your horses just a minute there, arsehole. A-Trak isn’t just an award-winning DJ. He was like 14 years old when he was first crowned a DMC champ. It might be hard to muster an “I care” for that now that the vogue for what-once-was-called turntablism has gone the way of trip-hop and Guru’s Jazzamatazz, but that’s a big deal. A prodigy in any artistic practice transcends trends. Wow, did I just think of that sentence? Seriously though, watching A-Trak really get into one of his routines is pretty fucking amazing. The detail, the dexterity, and the mastery that he puts into DJing make all the kids who press play on an iPod at the corner of a bar now and call themselves DJs look like retarded apes with all but one finger on each hand amputated.

JAMES FLUCK



The Aristocrats
Pathe DVD

This DVD’s based around an old joke that comedians would tell each other. The joke goes: A man walks into a talent agent’s office and pitches an act that he and his family perform. He then describes an onstage orgy of coprophilia, incest, paedophilia and bestiality. The agent is appalled yet curious to know what this show is called. Man says: “The Aristocrats”. It’s a lame punchline, but it’s the performance that counts. The joke requires the teller to depict the assorted vulgarities the family act out—testing their ability to ad-lib about the most abominable scenarios imaginable. The film then goes on to have loads of comedians, new and old, including Sarah Silverman, each telling their version of the “dirtiest joke in the world”. Cut from backstage interviews and previously unaired footage, the documentary is non-stop funny but at 90 minutes it’s drawn-out. It hurts to LOL for that long.

DOMINIC TUNON.



New York Dolls: All Dolled Up
Weinerworld DVD

Subtract the number of trendies you know who wear New York Dolls T-shirts from the number of people you’ve met who can name more than five New York Dolls songs and multiply that by David Johansen’s balls. What’ve you got? Take that number and add the number of times Johnny Thunders overdosed before he died and multiply that by the first number that comes into your head after holding your breath for 1 minute 15 seconds. Take that number and write it down. If your first name begins with P, hold your left leg in the air for a while until you start to feel the urge to put it back down again. If your first name beings with any other letter, you don’t have to do this bit. Hold that leg there for as long as you can. And, slowly as you can, start to recite the alphabet backwards, missing out all the vowels. If you can complete this task then you can stand on two feet again. Next you have to drink half a pint of your own urine and pee it out again as soon as possible. If you can do all this as best as you can, get it on film or photo and send it to New York Dolls Competition, Vice Magazine, 77 Leonard St, London EC2A 4QS, we’ll send you a SIGNED COPY of this documentary (for real) and you can sell it on eBay for £100.

DICK SNIFFER



Bill Hicks: Salvation
Rykodisc

Apparently someone keeps forgetting to tell Bill Hicks that he died ten years ago. He and Tupac should record some new shit together. Still, this stuff is pretty good. This is Hicks at Oxford University in 1992, and the vitriol he can pull out of his little frame is astounding.

DICK SNIFFER



Kidulthood
Revolver Entertainment

Kidulthood is Grimewatch meets City of God in West London (but not the utopian West London depicted in Notting Hill or Bridget Jones, the stab-you-to-death Kensal Rise part). Also stars Ray Winstone’s daughter Jaime as Becky, who plays an Extreme Vicky Pollard character. Harsh, funny, depressing, amazing.

BARRY NORMAL