SPECIAL FRIENDS
Photography:
NAUGHTY JAMES

Specials is a new online dating agency for young people who have trouble holding down relationships due to the fact that they suffer from what society deems “embarrassing or inappropriate social behaviour”. The most common conditions that its members have been linked to are kleptomania, Tourette’s Syndrome, extreme stammering, poor hygiene standards and STDs. Specials is helping to gather people like this together and create a social network of friends, and possible romances, up and down the country. Its numbers are swelling daily.

To contact any of these people, email SPECIALS@viceuk.com

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Carol: I’m addicted to online poker and that’s why me and my last partner split up. I’d be up all night on the computer while he’d be in bed on his own. If I can find a new partner he’d have to share my enthusiasm for gambling till the break of dawn and smoking a million fags.

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Kirsty: I don’t give a fucking shit if people think I fucking swear too much, the fucking cunts. Fucking wankers. Shit on a stick, twat on toast, cunt on a cross.

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Sally: I have a phobia of music. I can’t stand to hear certain kinds of music. I just have panic attacks. If I go shopping I have to wear ear plugs. It’s ruined all my relationships.

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Craig: My last girlfriend freaked out on me because whenever we went into a shop I’d have to steal something. I suppose you could call it kleptomania or whatever. I just can’t resist stealing things. I’ll steal anything. From penny sweets to fur coats. I just want somebody to share my robbing sprees with.

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Michael: I don’t know why people are ashamed of bodily functions and natural human smells. I hate the fake smell of soap and toothpaste. Hopefully I can find a girl that feels the same way.

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Mel: I’m really shy. Ummm. I like the silence a lot. Sitting in a dark room totally still and silent is my favourite thing. A lot of guys can’t handle that.

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John: I whistle a lot. I guess it’s OCD whistling. I have to whistle all the time. A lot of people don’t like the whistling. I whistle in my sleep. No tunes, just make-it-up-as-you-go-along whistling.