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BACK ISSUES

After years of getting bullied by the French, English Montrealers are shoving the Quebec flag up their arses and taking to the streets. It’s the most political fashion has been since Yankees fans started balling up Red Sox shirts and stuffing them in their foreskins.


Anyone who’s seen lastnightsparty.com or thecobrasnake.com has probably noticed there are a lot of drunk horny chicks at parties in New York and London. While a few half-arsed homos are tapping this newly discovered resource by taking fancy cameras to every bar in town, the more industrious horndogs are tapping this newly discovered arse by affixing elaborate sex toys to their cameras and literally fucking shit up.


If your face looks like a wrinkled penis with warts on it, you have to be creative about how you catch a glimpse of boobs. Sometimes a ukulele serenade and a good leer is the only hope a dickface has.aIf your face looks like a wrinkled penis with warts on it, you have to be creative about how you catch a glimpse of boobs. Sometimes a ukulele serenade and a good leer is the only hope a dickface has.

You may have noticed examples of belt pride, where Midtown jocks stuff the front of their oversize Jerry Seinfeld dress shirts into the front of their trousers, or the black equivalent, where sneaker-proud hip-hop fans cram the fronts of their cuffs into the laces of their spotless dunks, but how about some panty pride up in this bitch?

Ever since Puma made the “sport stub,” which looks exactly the same from front to back, girls with stubs for feet have been wearing 360Þ skirts and blazers that have no front. The effect is especially convincing when they comb their hair over their face, but as soon as they start hobbling along on those silly little stumps you’re like, “Hey, that person walks funny.”

There is a certain je ne sais quoi about a bon vivant that knows how to enjoy a good evening of Beaujolais. Sure, they may miss the odd rendezvous and they are not exactly renowned for their pugilism, but what would the world be without these jolly old souls?

We met these three outside Maria Shriver’s birthday party trying to stick a piece of toast up another girl’s buttocks. Are you guys getting the secret theme of this issue yet?

This guy stores nuts and berries in his underpants and takes them out when he’s hungry and eats them in public.

Thanks to the huge influx of gays and lesbians recently, androgynous is in. Girls wear jeans and vests and guys wear faggy little jumpsuits like they’re saucy little bitches until we’re like, “I don’t know if I want to suck it or fuck it.”

It was a fad that began with dancers, but now making clothes out of your birth colour is the new “Look at me, you fucking arsehole.”

Click here for the DON'TS

Comments:

Subject: do's
Date: Mar 08 2006 04:20:16 AM
Author: ray

Gotta admit...pretty piss poor selection of do's...could i do better?...well better than that!!

Subject: ...// ::::
Date: Mar 06 2006 01:29:54 PM
Author: kai

it's over.

Subject: The downfall of genius
Date: Mar 05 2006 05:47:59 AM
Author: B.R.E.V.O

I used to roll about on the floor at do's and don'ts, this month I am just kinda standing still hoping that next month I will get a chance to flatten the rug once again.

I mean what the fuck is this issue all about?...GCSE photoshop skills combined with made up shit? Once you read one spoof article you kinda feel a bit used and violated but not in a good way...more in a kind of stop wasting my fucking time way.

I have no time for this fucking shit because I am a buisness man, a high rolling carpet fattening buisness man. I know next month will be better, because you guys are so good at taking critisism.

Please excuse any spelling or grammar errors...I usually get my P.A to sort this out.

Subject: WWWank
Date: Feb 23 2006 10:25:03 AM
Author: Voiceover

What shit, that is GheY.

Subject: Crapness
Date: Feb 21 2006 03:10:49 PM
Author: Hair

I've seen better pics in a family album taken by blind people. This is as true as you guys have got it, right?? Wake up, people are bored of this shit, I used to like it until you stuck your heads up your own arses and feel in love with a transexual chinese catsuit wearing cunt...next month leave the job to someone else and stay in bed with your tranny friend.

Subject: All of the above
Date: Feb 21 2006 09:57:24 AM
Author: The truth

Don't know what you lot were doing this month, but presumably rehab - although even then the do's may have been better. Shocking display - first timers will never be back...... was there nothing to steal off sister sites. Honestly, if you are that pushed for material come March - drop me a line and I'll get you some good snaps. Shame, big shame.

Subject: please stay out of
Date: Feb 20 2006 02:48:37 PM
Author: maria

If your dos and donts will be this sad and predictable in Holland as well, please stay out of our stores and don't you dare to use any of our shelf space! Our market is already polluted with overrated trashy magazines as it is.
Damn can't anyone make anything original anymore

Maria

Subject: you stink
Date: Feb 20 2006 02:26:15 AM
Author: what

these are just so stupid that i never will visit your website again.

Subject: what a shame
Date: Feb 19 2006 10:13:31 AM
Author: lots must be thinking the same thing

vice used to be good,
worst do's list ever,
i didn't laugh once

Subject: the girl with the green dress
Date: Feb 18 2006 11:22:37 AM
Author: bk vs canada

Hip-hop fans wear air force one you bitches and not dunks..you do not know shit

Subject: nawwww hi
Date: Feb 17 2006 12:14:00 PM
Author: Irish mad sheep

those girls outside maria shrivers are wearing skites!, fucking cut off tights and skirt, d that look is pish. Noone wears those anymore. Get them off your do's page. now. fin.

Subject: this
Date: Feb 15 2006 04:47:53 PM
Author: jim

pardon?