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DANCING SWORDS
The young girls of the island hop, skip and jump around these in competitions during a dance called “The Sword Dance”. The dance dates back to the reign of Malcolm III, King of Scots in the eleventh century. Known in Gaelic as “Canmore” meaning “Great Head”, he allegedly danced over his bloody claymore (the ancient two-handed sword of Scotland), crossed with the sword and severed head of his enemy. These days, the girls use the dance to keep fit.
E NUMBER SANDWICH
Made almost entirely out of E numbers that the mainland outlawed more than fifteen years ago, this frightening piece of confectionery is meant to represent a meatball sandwich with lettuce. Nobody takes Class A drugs on Barra. They have this instead.
METAPHOR FOR STRUGGLING FISHING INDUSTRY
This used to be attached to an old fishing boat. It probably held the mainbrace in the starboard bow or something. Bits of old boats litter the island like fried chicken boxes do the top decks of buses in Dalston. They’re omnipresent. Twenty years ago these things were attached to profitable fishing boats but now, thanks to bodies like the EU, it’s becoming harder and harder to maintain as a player in the fishing game.
Click here for the exacts rizzo why.
GOLLY DOLLY
This is what happens when the nearest black person lives more than 300 miles away. We bought this two foot high doll in the main gift shop on the island for about £16. Asked the woman behind the counter, “How much is the gollywog?” and she said: “Och you cannae call it that. You have to call it a golly-dolly. Apparently people are offended by the word ‘wog’ these days. Och it’s that political correctness.”
TENNENTS
Did we mention booze? One of the most popular tipples on the island is a pint of this with a whisky chaser on the side. Fishermen will sit at the bar silently sipping these for eight hours a day. Then when an English ponce tries to interview you, you drunkenly mumble about “death and change” then grab him around the neck (this happened to our photographer Neil).
A STICK
There’s not that much for kids to do on the island. There’s no mobile phone signal and the video shop only has two titles, Lord Of The Rings: Fellowship Of The Ring and Missing In Action. That’s why when you find a decent stick like this you hold on to it. You can use it to click alongside fences or gates or you can throw it for your dog to fetch. You can also start a fire or throw it at a sheep. “Sheep are dumb fuckers” one islander told us: “They have a memory span of three seconds.”
PROTEST ART
Big business and the governnment have been crapping on the good folk of Barra for years. Beause it’s so remote, and with zero media voice, the “man” thinks he can do what he wants. The latest thing is that he wants to stop the island’s once-a-day plane. It’s a lifeline for the islanders. The primary school kids are up in arms about it and have put posters like this up all over the airport.
BAR SIGNS
You know what I shay? I don’t need her. If she can’t undershtand that I need to hang out at the bar every day for shix hours with some other boring alcoholics who aren’t even my friends then the bitch ish mad. Thank God phonesh don’t work on the island or I’d be fucked.
RAW PRAWNS
Here’s something you never see in the city apart from at overpriced sushi bars. The fisherman who sold us these said the best way to eat them was to get a few cans of beer, sit on the beach and light a fire. We thought about doing that for about two minutes but then realised that if we did that, we’d die from hypothermia in about three minutes because we are Sassenach puffs.
WATER JUG
The Castlebay Bar staff were very cool to us even when we dropped that whisky glass on the floor just as the music stopped. They also have the largest collection of water jugs (used for drinking whisky) on the island, or for that matter, anywhere we’ve ever been. Was going to make some kind of racism comment here, but the golly dolly takes care of that (right).
GAELIC HUMOUR
This sign is pasted on the door of the grocer’s shop near the bay. It says “Open except when closed”. Wahey! You know the Scottish hotel owner in Little Britain? That’s only a mild exaggeration of people in the Outer Hebrides.
WHISKY BOTTLE
The film “Whisky Galore” was filmed here. The incident that inspired the film—where a ship crashes with 50,000 bottles of Scoth on board—also happened near Barra, so there are hundreds of bottles of whisky buried all around the island. Everybody got so drunk when they discovered the booze they forgot where they hid it so there’s still stashes of it buried all over the place.
COCKLES
They look like baby bird abortions, but these little rock-clinging squidgy guys oooked in garlic butter and seasoned with lemon and pepper is the second most delicious snack on the island after the black pudding. For explicit instructions on how to make black pudding click here.


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Subject: Running Indians Mat
Date: May 01 2006 11:32:22 PM
Author: Running Indians Mat

Hell, they have been called the Browning Indians way before there was much thought or debate about where the name Indian orginated i.e. a Lost White boy by the name of Chris. This name originated at a time when the percentage of Bloods actually making it through High School and recieving a HS diploma was as small as the brain who printed the above photos and comments. So your remarks about us calling --A "Powwow" about Whites taking these names or calling us Indians is not even relevant. VIce seems to more about stirring the up the pot and creating turmoil rather than fair and accurate journalism! What a have!

Subject: Missing Horses
Date: Feb 22 2006 04:14:51 PM
Author: Trevor and Alyson

When YOUR horses were in the hands of Trevor Loring, They did not come up missing as in someone stole them. The people who live behind the Whitford corrals opened the gate and didnt close it and the horses got loose. So stick that where the sun dont shine!!!!!!

Subject: drinkin' on the reserve
Date: Feb 10 2006 03:03:21 PM
Author: cowboy

Hey if you are good at something then Keep it up right? Go Skana, Slam one back for me when you read this. YeeeeeeHAAA

Subject: natives
Date: Feb 07 2006 05:18:54 PM
Author: skana

im mohawk. we natives know we're kinda fucked-up but we really really don't give a shit.

and we can party your ass into the ground any day.

unless your native as well. then.... let's talk.

Subject: LAST.FM
Date: Feb 06 2006 05:19:45 PM
Author: ...

JOIN THE VICE LAST.FM GROUP NOW

http://www.last.fm/group/Vice

Subject: Psychadelic Meatballs Galore!
Date: Feb 06 2006 12:46:30 PM
Author: Sophie

hello strangers,

I just wanted to express my gratitude for your display of this luscious technicoloured au d'oeuvre! It reminds me of those mushy marshmallow ''sandwiches'' you used to eat as a kid saying ''okay I know I'm gonna puke after I finish this but the colours are just so...bright''it's like givin' your mj cute names like bobo bush or boo boo bama..why don't all get fucking t-shirts sayin' :
''DRUGS ARE MY FRIENDS'' so why not go into the candy industry after all...

Barra, I love you! I want ten of those!

lots of love,
sophie

ps: ever thought of fizzy sticks with coke? I'd buy.

Subject: ......
Date: Feb 05 2006 06:38:38 PM
Author: PROUD NATIVE

Tell me why you people went through the trouble of printing this in your magazine? To poke fun at and have laughs at Native Americans??? It just goes to show how truely stupid and immature you are.... HOW VERY SAD FOR YOU....

Subject: dear blackfeet chick/vice
Date: Feb 03 2006 09:31:48 AM
Author: daniel

why beads?

do an inuit ish in ten years or something so you can talk about that cool throaty shit they do that bjork loves.

Subject: Daniel's question
Date: Jan 31 2006 01:36:47 PM
Author: blackfeet chick

Yeah right......if you got beads on the bottom of your moccasins...your already dead!

Subject: book
Date: Jan 27 2006 12:47:04 PM
Author: g

where can i get a copy of that ghost stories book???

Subject: Throwing money? no thanks.
Date: Jan 21 2006 07:44:51 AM
Author: Knee-jerk pansy-pants

There is some serious balance-striking to be done, because if we let soc. sec. up to all the self-made protestants there will be Katrina all over again, only worse, over a longer period of time. If everyone started off on square 1-5 and if square 95-100 was available to everyone, then let those single mothers try to survive on jizzum alone. Their decision. But certain people are born right in the rot, don't have the same perspective and I would gladly pay through the nose to make things fair.

Subject: true?
Date: Jan 19 2006 04:44:53 AM
Author: Daniel

My Mohawk gf told me that if a Blackfeet gives you mocassins with beads on the bottom then theyre going to kill you. Not that I care but I wonder if that's right.

Subject: Dolla Dolla Billz!
Date: Jan 17 2006 08:52:21 PM
Author: Vanessa

Yay for British Lefties!

Georgie Boy definitely needs to refocus his attention back to the Homeland. We've got lots of problems present in America... Shit son!

Oh yeah, I got to get me a Blackfeet Ghost Story book. Righteous.

Subject: native humour
Date: Jan 16 2006 01:57:51 PM
Author: rube

that sign below tha TV is a perfect example of that wry, witty, unique native sense of humour. anyonewho grew up around natives can surely atest. Like the native guy I knew who named his dog Askit.

Subject: hubba bubba
Date: Jan 16 2006 11:48:03 AM
Author: sucka74

I know more about nuclear devestation that you ever will...

Subject: penis
Date: Jan 15 2006 10:14:14 PM
Author: b2K

YEAH! the reservashun issue makes my dick explode!!!

Subject: Money
Date: Jan 15 2006 11:32:53 AM
Author: Chris

Many tribes do incredibly well for cash and are equally fucked. Give an 18 year old $40,000 and see what he does with it: coke, cars and parties - at best.
As we see in that article about welfare in this issue. You can't throw money at a problem. It doesn't work. Look at education in America. Schools that went from $15,000 / student per year to $30,000 noticed a ZERO increase in grade scores.
When are you British lefties going to realize mass spending is not the answer to all the world's problems?

Subject: intrep
Date: Jan 15 2006 10:27:11 AM
Author: mathusula


sort it out, mate.
USS intrepid has more then three thousand natives working on and around it
sort out the bloody "freedom" issues at home, georgie.
redirect some "assets" to the rezervashons.
wicked victory tea.
we like tea here in England
we like it a great deal.

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