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  My dog goes into these fits of intense floor licking. Mostly because he’s a puppy mill dog, I assume. On one occasion he happened to lick and swallow a sewing needle. The thing got lodged in his throat and looked like a huge fucking tumor from the outside. I took him to the vet and they x-rayed him and explained that it would cost $400 to cut him open and remove it. I didn’t have it so I said fuck off, went home, Goggled the problem at hand and figured I could pop the needle right out through his skin. After two beers I grew the man balls to do it, my mom held him down and after positioning the needle to where it needed to come out — pop! Got the needle through the flesh and yanked it out with a pair of pliers. Now I don’t think people are nuts when they say doctors are thieves. |
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Comments:
Subject: belowme Date: Sep 27 2005 03:36:33 PM Author: allo wait- aren't you not supposed to have a cat when you have a 4 month old baby? Subject: why humans are born superdependent Date: Sep 26 2005 12:57:24 PM Author: blah "I only had to show my cat where to shit once... yet Im still changing diapers on my 4 month old. How did the human race get so far when our young cannot walk, fight, or find food. Even chimps hold onto their mothers backs to get around." humans are born before they are fully developed so that our large heads are able to fit through the birth canal, also why infants have plates in their skulls. The body then goes on developing outside the mother allowing for a larger brain to develop. If you hate babies so much why did you have one? Subject: losers Date: Sep 25 2005 07:58:56 PM Author: below me Yeah but he would'nt have to pay 400 fucking dollars. a degree gives you the ability to fuck peolpe over. Subject: oh the drama Date: Sep 25 2005 07:21:34 PM Author: dyssident sorry,, but this is not such a big deal.. anyone who has done any serious breeding knows how to do all kinds of minor surgery.. that doctor would have done exactly what the author did;; a degree doesnt give you magical powers.. Subject: Why God? Date: Sep 24 2005 02:24:23 PM Author: Why How come no matter what the article is about the comments always end up being a "fuck vice"/"no vice is great" tug of war? Subject: other plans dipshit Date: Sep 23 2005 01:03:36 PM Author: PLAYERTWO how about looking at it like this: don't buy (or trade blowjobs for) dipshit breeds like pitbulls from the crackdealer. what are they bred for?!! doing math? next, there's these thing's called "payment plans" and even though theyre all man hating dike baby killers that are anti-hunting,you can take your dog to the HUMAN SOCIETY and have them work on the poor thing and not try and kill it to save money (which is really you trying to justify your welfare baby slacker slacker ass life"style".) Can't wait till your babymomma shits out another democrat and you can try this shit on your mealticket. Subject: operation Date: Sep 20 2005 04:15:46 PM Author: ********* If you cant spell "googled", the company, then I don't think you should try to perform any medical type of operation on another living thing. If you are a fucked up enough person that Vice Magazine wanted you to write an article for them, then i dont think you should be allowed to perform any medical type of operation on another living thing. Subject: diesil and cats Date: Sep 20 2005 09:27:46 AM Author: suzie yes slitlana, i feel that. meanwhile, dont u see the joke is on vice! the 'free' mag is great for a cheap laugh and somthing to read while ure off loading an akwardly hard stoole, the point being, if u are stupid enough to *let* your self be affected by all this shiny advertising then u derserve to be ripped of from buying diesil crap. p.s. anyone with ANY clue has gotten over diesil, move on pet. media addled fools suzie Subject: nigg-a-lah ploise Date: Sep 20 2005 09:26:18 AM Author: slitlana yes adds are crap and vice is a bit of fun, but i vant to see more cock allready?!!?!!!!!! it vass so cold out one night my pussy got froze stiff to a park bench, i had to call the firemens to help prize her of and so she could get licked to warm up. what a slit of a pussy\! she nee to learn respect from her master! but i a good catlick girle, i always go to the cherches, XOXOXXOX Slitlana Subject: sorry Date: Sep 19 2005 06:25:44 PM Author: sorry I'm sorry. Subject: ubject Date: Sep 19 2005 06:21:33 PM Author: German Fucking Soldier Asshole you said: - ubject: oh, please, do stop swearing Date: Sep 11 2005 03:56:51 PM Author: Gavrylich Its not that we don't appreciate the effort, but, please, don't do it. Using bad language, without making out to be the "hippie asshat" you're deriding, is difficult. Gavin is the only journo who can pull it off any more (Hunter S. Thompson rest in peace) and that is why we read vice. .. Oh, sure, theres nothing bad about the words themselves, its just that they function like exclamation marks. Putting three exclamation words in a dull sentence makes you sound like a fucking cheerleader but this is a contradiction, because Gavin is not the only journo who can pull it off. Subject: fake story? Date: Sep 18 2005 09:48:56 PM Author: fakie mcfake-fake So much of Vice Magazine is made-up, fake bullshit. It's good to see a little article that actually sounds somewhat believable. Although the X-rays are probably photoshopped. And on second thought - no one would probably be dumb enough to do that to their dog. I guess it's just another fake story to get us to read thier retarded "ad-zine" so that we will think deisel is cool and buy their $50 T-shirts. Subject: the comment under this one Date: Sep 17 2005 05:26:12 PM Author: kate is this asshole for real? if your fragile little mind can't take it, maybe you should just shut the fuck up and not read it-- wow, what a concept for america... Subject: oh, please, do stop swearing Date: Sep 11 2005 03:56:51 PM Author: Gavrylich Its not that we don't appreciate the effort, but, please, don't do it. Using bad language, without making out to be the "hippie asshat" you're deriding, is difficult. Gavin is the only journo who can pull it off any more (Hunter S. Thompson rest in peace) and that is why we read vice. .. Oh, sure, theres nothing bad about the words themselves, its just that they function like exclamation marks. Putting three exclamation words in a dull sentence makes you sound like a fucking cheerleader. Subject: Arrogance Date: Sep 08 2005 03:38:06 AM Author: Bear We also have the only infants that scream their fucking lungs out all the time and that is pure arrogance on our part as a species Subject: Why people have pets instead Date: Sep 07 2005 08:25:06 PM Author: belowme "At least when you have a child you can teach it English and you're acting on a legitimate biological impulse." My argument goes like this.. I only had to show my cat where to shit once... yet Im still changing diapers on my 4 month old. How did the human race get so far when our young cannot walk, fight, or find food. Even chimps hold onto their mothers backs to get around. Subject: Just dogs generally Date: Sep 05 2005 11:20:22 PM Author: Dr Fruitbasket I don't understand why people have dogs anyway. It's like choosing to live with a retarded person that wipes it's arse all over the carpet. At least when you have a child you can teach it English and you're acting on a legitimate biological impulse. Subject: right on Date: Sep 01 2005 02:55:15 PM Author: mighty pete thats so twisted. good work! Subject: dogs do that shit Date: Sep 01 2005 11:12:17 AM Author: ham sandwich Dogs eat all kinds of stupid shit, so it's no suprise that the dog ate a needle. I have a pit bull I have seen eat shards of broken lightbulbs out of the trash because there was ketchup on them. I turn my back for a second and the little fucker's gulping down a phone or a cat or god knows. Once I was in the yard with him and he shat out an entire foot-long rope bone. One meal of scrap metal got the best of him though and I had to take him in. The vet cut him open and fished out a quarter bag's worth of string screws and plastic. To the tune of of $2,000 american. If i could have hung him by his tail and spanked that shit back out his mouth I would have done it without so much as an afterthought. Subject: Mr Happy Boy Date: Sep 01 2005 10:40:36 AM Author: me "What if he was a fucking caveman you hippie asshats?!?" There are good reasons cavemen only lived to be about thirty. The absence of medical expertese and technology being one of them. Subject: I'm a little on the high side Date: Aug 31 2005 01:10:01 PM Author: Mr Happy Boy sorry about the misspellings and so forth. Subject: Neh neh neh moo moo moo Date: Aug 31 2005 12:58:58 PM Author: Mr Happy Boy What - he should have the left the needle in their? Bullshit! What if he was a fucking caveman you hippie asshats?!? Would he have to pay a different caveman 400 rocks to pull a fucking needle out of his wolfhounds throat? No - he wouldn't! That dog would be up on his hind legs licking that dude's face and syaing "ranks, Rilly! Rank you, rank you!" just like Scooby freakin DO, dumb asses. JEEZ people are so FUCKING stupid sometimes. I get down on my knees and thank Great Bog every DAY for superlative and virtuous individuals like Mr. Billy Moore. KUDOS, BILL - don't you dare go changing. Subject: home health care Date: Aug 30 2005 08:19:22 PM Author: ohh the pain! i pulled out a rotten tooth with a gerber multi tool. Subject: The Author Date: Aug 26 2005 10:49:10 AM Author: Stocky I'd just like to say that you guys shouldn't be making fun of the author. Billy Moore is really one-of-a-kind. You should meet him. Subject: jeeezz... Date: Aug 26 2005 10:35:42 AM Author: doof You're lucky your dog didn't bleed to death. Subject: fantastic Date: Aug 25 2005 09:00:32 PM Author: i'm sorry I apologize for that last comment. Not only did I spell a key word incorrectly (scarred?) but it just was lacking overall. As punishment I won't post anything else for awhile. Subject: you pussy Date: Aug 25 2005 08:50:03 PM Author: fantastic Someone always has to bring up the dog. It's a dog, I'm sure that it hurt but it's not like it was scared for life. In ten years it isn't going to cry to the oldest of its ten thousand puppies about having someone pop a needle through its skin. You know what, it probably won't even be alive in ten years. Yeah, I just said that. Subject: pansy Date: Aug 25 2005 06:36:55 PM Author: mhaze I know a guy who got a big fucking cyst out of his own throat with a razor blade and a warm alka-seltzer bottle. Subject: typo Date: Aug 25 2005 11:05:16 AM Author: your dog you googled the problem dude. googled. Subject: pooch Date: Aug 24 2005 06:12:19 PM Author: cavity creep two beers? i wish i grew man balls that easily and cheaply. but what about your poor dog? how many beers did you give his ass to prepare him for your little procedure? Subject: works Date: Aug 24 2005 02:30:57 PM Author: voodoo good work! |
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