DEAR DIARY

January 1994
Jessie’s Dog, Ralph, died and I feel so sad for her. It just reminds me of the whole RT episode and how the more I think about it, the more I think RT is such a cruel person. It makes me see how that whole scene is so hypocritical and everyone just kisses RT’s ass. Everyone thought Jessie was so evil when she really wasn’t. No one would listen to her. She’s so nice. I wish the smart people that I’m friends with would just see RT for what he really is...

2005
Here’s what happened: Jessie, my long-time neighbor, started going to LIHC shows at the PWAC. On one particular night, the hardcore vibes were heavy, the anger in the air was so thick that it hit you like sweaty Saran Wrap, and Jessie got a little “carried away” during an intense circle pit sesh. She was a skinny 15-year-old girl. She claimed a bunch of skinheads beat her up and broke her arm, but others saw it differently, especially after her dad sued the PWAC, making shows there come to a halt. RT and his entourage of LIHC homies blamed Jessie, which made her Suffolk County’s least-liked Alternative-Grunge-Riot Grrl-Raver, and that month’s hot topic. Jessie was close to me so I tried to stay impartial, but RT was popular so I felt kind of torn. I don’t remember how it ended. I think the PWAC closed down anyway because Channel 12 news deemed moshing dangerous. I also remember a report on clubs that put Special K in the water, and the PWAC was listed as one of them. It was something weird like that.

RT started spelling his name normal again, as Artie, and he is the singer for the band Celebrity Murders now. I think Jessie works for Larry Clark. Back when her dog Ralph died, it was a huge bummer. He was a bulldog. He had multiple tumors and threw up a lot. I never had a dog, but I love animals. I love all creatures big and small. Even skinheads. Even you.

LESLEY ARFIN

Comments:

Subject: read between
Date: Oct 18 2005 05:50:09 PM
Author: the lines

SEE YOU AUNTIE!

Subject: Ralph the bulldog
Date: Oct 11 2005 12:53:39 PM
Author: Bill

I love bulldogs, and all dogs, and all living creatures, including Leslie.

She is a kind and sensitive person... much kinder than the jerks who criticize her.

Subject: ***
Date: Oct 05 2005 04:57:29 PM
Author: ***

ARE HERE IS TO

Subject: artie faggy
Date: Oct 05 2005 02:19:22 PM
Author: nchls

the reason these comment things here are to bs about the articles. with this particular column there isent much to bs about besides lesley and her life. so of course your going to get a lot of "we hate you" or "we dont". (i def dont hate this column). nobody gets "internet angry" about dd, their just at work. like you,dick. thanks for shedding some light on it all for us though (i feel very internet-accomplished now)

Subject: lame people
Date: Sep 26 2005 11:17:10 AM
Author: Artie Philie

I think it's weird that people who supposedly hate Dear Diary so much still post rhetorical questions on here like "why should I care?" and "why does Vice print this?" And then the weird anonymous and gross sexual shit... Wouldn't you think that after so many years of Lesley writing stuff in Vice, people who hate it would just not read it, much less get internet-angry about it? I take it back, it's not weird, it's actually really predictable and pathetic. I shouldn't even dignify this bullshit with a reply but I'm at "work" and this beats actually "working."

Love,
Suffolk County Trash

Subject: "fans"
Date: Sep 22 2005 01:04:51 PM
Author: nchls

that guy down below was absolutely right about either hating her completely, or being a creepy fan. theres no happy medium because the column really isent anything too spectacular, it definitely doesent suck but what should we take from this? "yes, you very a pretty typical teenager" so was i. the only way to really get into it is to just start stalking the woman..... JUSTKIDDING!

Subject: edible undies
Date: Sep 20 2005 11:23:53 AM
Author: peter murphy

Leslie in her undies.SPANK-OLA!

http://www.teenageunicorn.com/50914lez.jpg

Subject: Ignorance
Date: Sep 19 2005 07:54:32 PM
Author: doctor stupid

What's LIHC? What's PWAC? What's Special K? What's a dog? And who the fuck is Lesley Arfin and why should I care?

Subject: crap
Date: Sep 17 2005 09:38:29 PM
Author: peepee

i got 17 stitches in my head at a silent majority show...but i didnt go and close deja one down, i just went to the hospital

Subject: Skank
Date: Sep 17 2005 02:50:44 PM
Author: Jesus

Lesley Arfin is better known as The Neighborhood Whore.

Subject: Man Mean Manhood
Date: Sep 17 2005 10:52:35 AM
Author: Tile Wreck

Nice pussy.

Subject: damn
Date: Sep 14 2005 08:22:18 AM
Author: ruinedpwac

yknow this affected so many people. losing the pwac sucked ass. i remember this at the time and i know the pwac had other problems like the k and news next door but this bitches dad suing didnt help matters. newsflash it was her choice to go. you have to take some goddamn responsibility for yourself!

Subject: Andy Weatherall
Date: Sep 13 2005 10:38:26 PM
Author: fan

ru real andy? i love ur work !!!

Subject: Leslie in the SPANK-O-RAMA!
Date: Sep 13 2005 10:43:51 AM
Author: Andy Weatherall

SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!
SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!
SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!
SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!
SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!
SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!
SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!
/>
*squirt*

Subject: lesley must di
Date: Sep 12 2005 12:37:23 PM
Author: johnny debit

I will make her azzhole bleed with my nail cock. and then I'm thinkin arby's

Subject: This column is terrible
Date: Sep 12 2005 11:03:42 AM
Author: Dave

Why does Vice allow such crap to be spewed here? It might be different if Lesley lived somewhat of an interesting life or gave us some insightful look into her pain, beauty or turmoil. But she gives us nothing. She is a terrible writer and this section would be more useful (and entertaining) if it showed quicktime loops of gorillas fucking. Lesley, you suck. I hope you quit soon.

Subject: Diarrhea
Date: Sep 12 2005 06:07:15 AM
Author: C.

After reading the Dear Diary column for a while now, I can tell that Leslie Arfin was just a big opportunist in high school and probably still is. How much do you want to bet that Leslie lived a very comfortable life? I'm sure she had health insurance so her family wouldn't have to worry about suing a venue because skinheads really DID break their daughter's arm. Her diary entries are just musings of a typical long island jewish girl who jumps social scenes and ditches friends every season. I'd rather read Jessie's diary if she has one. I'm sure it tells the story of a girl who was completely abandoned and treated like shit because of what happened at a stupid hardcore show. I'm sure Leslie doesn't figure well in that story.

Subject: Hans´ post
Date: Sep 11 2005 04:38:01 PM
Author: Gavrylich

re:: "the whole idea that you change (i.e. become smarter) when you get older is bullshit/.../you'll stay the same person that you've been since you were 5, 13 or 17 years old"

No. You're wrong. People develop. Not because improving is a natural process and we're chock full of love inside, but because the alternatives are death.
Friends put up with a lot of arrogance because they know it springs from the same dark membrane that incites you to raise hell.
When, as you age, you spend less time at clubs, or at least that kind of club, your friends will ask themselves why they hang out with you anyway. So, you develop, you learn fundamental sensibility.

Subject: rt fillee
Date: Sep 09 2005 01:11:33 PM
Author: shs rox me

Jessie was my homegirl. She got a bad rap from some stupid suffolk county xxx trash.Ralph would lick my face and then piss himself as we watched Kids in her room.I miss jessie.

Subject: ?
Date: Sep 08 2005 07:05:46 PM
Author: confused

Q: what makes Vice think that this girl's adolesent drama is relevent to readers ten years later ?

in other words: am I supposed to care ?

p.s. I don't hate the girl, I don't know her. I don't think shes cute or a good writer or in anyway entertaining, either.

Subject: Look.
Date: Sep 04 2005 07:20:54 PM
Author: Just Saying

Everyone either hates Lesley Arfin way too much or has a creepy crush on her. I like her column but it's not like I want to follow her home and take pictures of her in the shower. The haters suck too, and I think a lot of them are missing the point, but the 'fans' are the guys that really creep me out.

Subject: Leslie is a Lie.
Date: Sep 01 2005 04:34:24 PM
Author: CraeZ

My theory is that Leslie Arfin is a completely fictional character. A ghost, or a myth. Conjured up by the Vice staff. They pictures are photoshopped cut-ups of Ellen Degeneres as a child.

Subject: my kitty has 4 fangs cuz she's teething
Date: Aug 31 2005 01:50:12 PM
Author: drac

and to think i was the only one that was crazy enough to dress up my kitten. kudos

Subject: comment on a post below me
Date: Aug 31 2005 07:51:48 AM
Author: Who the Fuck is RT ickle you later it

well, hans, (3 posts down) to put it bluntly ,
if you were a narrow minded child, one could
hardly imagine ones self improving very much at
all with age or otherwise. The brain cant put
out what hasn't gone in. Lets have a show of
hans and see if im right, now children pass the
blunt to ma man john at the back.

To the author of the article..
I want to just say one thing, there are jumped
up wankers like this guy from here to hell and
back, they are ten a penny, however you deserve
a bit of a spanking for posting such a sketchy
arguement. You should have thought about it
more to say the least.

Ohh one more thing, can I do the spanking?
Maybe you have an evening this week that you
were saving to do something a little different
perhaps ;) ..
I'll be in touch.. if I can

To the deluded lerk below me, how is saying you
love all animals/creatures making love
worthless. Love is not a commodity, at least
not real love anyway. Giving everyone a
millions dollars would make money worthless yes,
and then according to youprobably drive up the
market value of love...~#?%&$?"{??)..YOU retard.

Subject: u trash love
Date: Aug 30 2005 12:09:10 PM
Author: me

Love means nothing at all if you give it to all creatures deserving or not it becomes worthless. It would be like giving everyone a million dollars?!?!?!? Come on, retard.

Subject: lesley
Date: Aug 29 2005 06:37:25 PM
Author: buddy

lesley's cute man

Subject: fuck this.
Date: Aug 29 2005 12:07:05 PM
Author: hans

here's a theory: the whole idea that you change (i.e. become smarter) when you get older is bullshit. except when you're really old and your brain shrinks to the size of a cashew nut, obviously. apart from that, you'll stay the same person that you've been since you were 5, 13 or 17 years old. and even if you try to convince yourself that you're not that narrow-minded, hypocritical teenager anymore, there's no escaping the fact: you're just as shit as you used to be back in the days... remember: self-improvement is a lie. word.

Subject: yah
Date: Aug 27 2005 12:11:56 PM
Author: boston

dear diary is my favorite

Subject: even me?
Date: Aug 26 2005 09:34:59 PM
Author: Caca B.

i was wondering... is it not cool that i printed out the picture of you and your cat and that i accidently jizzed all over it? you are adorable lesley.

Subject: lies,lies,lies, yeah!
Date: Aug 26 2005 01:04:56 PM
Author: peter weller

the most telling sentences here are:
"Jessie was close to me so I tried to stay impartial, but RT was popular so I felt kind of torn. I don’t remember how it ended."

uh, yeah right Les...you can remember all this other inconsequential bullshit but not "how it ended"? just admit you cared more about being popular and treated your friend like shit.

Subject: ooga-booga
Date: Aug 26 2005 12:59:12 PM
Author: cunthunter

JAP wannabe.....

Subject: asdfsa
Date: Aug 25 2005 05:47:43 PM
Author: jimmy

no one fucking cares.

dear diary sucks shit.

Subject: yes
Date: Aug 25 2005 05:24:10 PM
Author: president reagan

shut up bitch

Subject: miss arfin
Date: Aug 25 2005 01:22:11 AM
Author: banana hammock

i <3 dear diary

Subject: the verdict
Date: Aug 24 2005 03:20:42 PM
Author: swing-atcha

the verdict: "jessie" shoulda told her old man that she fell down some steps or something. she probably went home crying and whimpered her snitch (snot bubble coming out of nostruil). regardless, lesley arfin should have been a better friend. fickle fuck. because of this, both lesley and jessie get a year of only Dannon "lite and fit" yogurt peach flavor...

(sound of gavel hitting wood).

ps. yeeeahhh, artie phillie!!! celebrity murders is fun as a bitch!!!