DEAR DIARY

February 1993
I went to the Roxy and met this kid Mike Rubin. He's the drummer for the Warped Weeble Wobbles. He is the greatest. A sophomore at BU and the smartest kid. I cut my hair. My life is so boring. I'm just waiting for something to happen. If something doesn't happen soon I'm going to kill myself or lose my mind. I don't give a shit about anything anymore. I'll smoke my Camel Lights, drink my coffee, and only surround myself with people who I find intellectually stimulatIng. I was so happy when I came home from school today because I had gotten a letter from Bobby Eckstein, who is also in the W.W.W. He is the sweetest guy. I can't say I'm in love with him because I hardly know him. I really look up to and have respect for Mike Rubin. I wonder if he thinks I'm totally annoying or that it's ridiculous to talk on the phone.

2005
The day I met Bobby and Mike, my whole life changed. I was sitting in the back and started talking to Mike "Ruby" Rubin, of the Weebles. The singer, Bobby, approached me and gave me a zine about their band. Ruby was 19, I think. I can't imagine what we had to talk about, but we talked every day for hours and hours on the phone. When he met my mom he said, "I hope you don't think I'm a pedophile or anything," which he wasn't, but looking back I guess it seems kinda weird.

The Weebles were a jokey band who sang songs about sperm-filled donuts and other "wacky" things. They were obsessed with DIY. It's not just for sticker collectors and quilt makers. We made zines, T-shirts, music, fliers, and friendships all 100 percent organically grown (you may think all of this sounds faggoty and over-earnest, but "oh well"). The mix tape was the ultimate love letter and we relied on jokes and riffs to get us through endless hang-out sessions at the diner. I spent more time in parking lots and warehouses and had more fun there than I would at any mall or disco. Arts and crafts are about finding raw materials and turning them into something different. That's what we did. For four years, every weekend of my teenage life was devoted to a certain kind of punk that I had witnessed and participated in building from the ground up. I got older, got over it, and today it's just a relic to me. A weird reunion where I keep my hands in my pockets and don't know what to say. Today Bobby is a professor of forensic psychology and Ruby teaches philosophy. Two squares on the quilt of my life—jk, but half not.

LESLEY ARFIN

Comments:

Subject: Um....
Date: Oct 18 2007 09:55:44 PM
Author: Shannon

Okay, so, Bobby is definitely my prof right now and he's amazing.

Subject: that bobby kid.
Date: May 19 2006 02:41:00 PM
Author: Shawn Burns

i heard he still dreams about sperm filled donuts, then brings em to class and smiles while his students eat them. But that's between you and I. k?

Subject: you suck
Date: Nov 04 2005 12:04:25 AM
Author: GET A LIFE

seriously this is the worst journal i think ive ever read.

please go home and end your life.

Subject: i rock vice does not
Date: Aug 01 2005 11:23:56 AM
Author: who gives a fuck

uuhm yeah well idk what to think bout vice...i kinda like it and kinda think it is fucked up...just thought i would mention that...KU rocks...so does berlin

Subject: Triumph sez:
Date: Jul 27 2005 08:38:21 AM
Author: ichsageinermaschinedochnichtmeinennamen

The correct answer is: WHO GIVES A FUCK?

Subject: My Defence
Date: Jul 22 2005 11:37:44 PM
Author: Pumpkin

Speaking as Gavin's penis I must protest my innocence! I have never penetrated the lips of any staff member, except temps and they don't count.

Subject: relax
Date: Jul 22 2005 09:45:09 PM
Author: Kavalier

relax everyone...just relax

Subject: I heart Leslie
Date: Jul 22 2005 06:00:49 PM
Author: missbegotten

Dear Diary and The Do's & Don'ts are the only things worth reading in this issue. Vice is kinda sucking & why write a bunch of negative bullshit comments? Vice readers suck more than Vice.

Subject: ewww
Date: Jul 22 2005 05:13:48 PM
Author: ewww

I heard that gavin calls his penis "pumpkin"

Isn't that gross?

Do all the girls have to suck him off to get
a job at vice? or only the pretty ones?

ewwwww. pumpkin

Subject: who u know & who u blow
Date: Jul 22 2005 04:19:21 PM
Author: Managing Editor

You guys are a little harsh...lesly is the hardest working JAP in NY. Up at 9am to get the new article down to Gavin, on her knees at 9:30 to have him actually put it in this shitrag "zine". Life aint all gold bitches

Subject: dear diary
Date: Jul 21 2005 01:23:21 PM
Author: tucson

oh the humanity! i hope this person discovers the dark side soon. do people write in real books anymore or is this some kind of doogy(sp?) hauser MD laptop sex in the city diary? lets get back to the dream journal bitches...give me something good already, life is better than this! cheers.

Subject: huh?
Date: Jul 21 2005 11:55:07 AM
Author: Deadpan Walking

What does DIY mean?

Subject: Boom
Date: Jul 15 2005 05:10:10 AM
Author: Milo Steelfox

Why take the time to write a whole article then put jk instead of joke? You're so gay.

Subject: i think...
Date: Jul 14 2005 02:05:00 AM
Author: mr wendel

that lesley arfin is totally brilliant. i wish she was my best friend. id want to hook rugs and listen to make collages with her anyday, anytime, anyplace.

Subject: why bother
Date: Jul 13 2005 08:10:21 PM
Author: petunia the dancing tattoo

if it just takes cum-soaked desserts to intellectually stimulate this twat....

meh, bet somebody already beat me to it

Subject: what the hell is this crap?
Date: Jul 13 2005 07:46:12 PM
Author: dirty bitch

remind me next time to skip the article and go straight to the comments because i was laughing my ass off!

Subject: I'd rather document the smell of my shit
Date: Jul 12 2005 10:11:26 PM
Author: Bob

This reads like an episode of the Wonder Years but three times as shit

Subject: Snails & Straight Razors
Date: Jul 12 2005 08:34:36 AM
Author: Marlon Brandon

If I met a guy in a band called the Weebles Wibble Wobble or whatever ever it was ( I can't be fucked scrolling all the way up the screen) I would give that guy a hefty kick in the pills. And I just want every one to know that there is NOTHING "wacky" about sperm filled doughnuts. Its a very serious business!

Subject: dairy cow
Date: Jul 09 2005 12:59:43 AM
Author: spacy j.a.p.

the best part of this article is that it's shorter than that little dirty don't punks dick

Subject: shits
Date: Jul 08 2005 08:33:44 PM
Author: huh?

i wish i was in a shit ass boston band so i could score chicks like this

Subject: my fav
Date: Jul 08 2005 01:22:05 PM
Author: sydney

dear diary is my favorite

Subject: wut?
Date: Jul 08 2005 10:08:58 AM
Author: Cracklicious Chick

vice needs to search the internet for an online blog to make fun of each issue.

Subject: cute
Date: Jul 08 2005 10:07:25 AM
Author: captawesome

he. you're cute.

Subject: Winona Horowitz
Date: Jul 08 2005 02:27:08 AM
Author: gomba johnny

short hair makes me look less jewy!

Subject: Arfin
Date: Jul 07 2005 11:03:10 PM
Author: No Name

Lesley is getting a bit old now. In fact i think it's strange she kept a diary all those years. I tried to keep a diary once. I wrote 2 pages and realised my life is really fucking dull. So I stopped, because like why? Am i going to come back to this shit a decade later and publish it in some fucking magazine? Nope.

Subject: dont be mean
Date: Jul 07 2005 11:23:29 AM
Author: Mrs

i have just got sum scissors and cut my hair like her in the photo and it makes my face look a lot longer and more normal. sooo the-ere.

Subject: bla bla
Date: Jul 07 2005 02:10:04 AM
Author: ::: ... :::

I don't think anyone is going to bother to read this trough.

".... the smartest kid. I cut my hair. My life ...."

shite!

Subject: WHOO A HIGH POINT IN MY LIFE
Date: Jul 06 2005 02:10:25 PM
Author: Thesis Christ

I'll never forget the day I met some chodes from some shit-imploded punk band..because it never happened.

Don't they all wear different colored shirts and sing kid songs?

Subject: errrmmmm...
Date: Jul 06 2005 11:52:11 AM
Author: Jay

Yeah sorry love, but that really is substandard.

Subject: sdlkjdflkjfg
Date: Jul 04 2005 06:57:25 PM
Author: fdsfasdj

did her parents like buy a spot on the vice staff so she can keep sticking all this horseshit in the mag?

this chick SUCKS

Subject: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Date: Jul 04 2005 03:38:02 PM
Author: MikeSnake

SNORE!

Subject: JK
Date: Jul 04 2005 03:32:30 PM
Author: Al Franken

"jk, but half not." is called "kidding on the square"

Subject: stupid inside joke articles
Date: Jul 04 2005 06:27:54 AM
Author: chow hai

404 FUNNY NOT FOUND

Subject: fucking sucks
Date: Jul 04 2005 06:14:54 AM
Author: i cant believe i just read that shit

who in vice put this shit up its the most boreing thing I've read in vice.

Subject: cuck
Date: Jul 03 2005 03:11:02 AM
Author: fuck all yall

you just want an excuse to tell that story i doubt that its even a real journal entry

and by the way

NO ONE CARESSSSSS

Subject: eh
Date: Jul 02 2005 06:57:07 PM
Author: aisha

i read the first few sentences, but . . eh . . ill come back to it later.
BORESVILLE.

Subject: Barfin on Arfin
Date: Jul 02 2005 06:15:01 PM
Author: haterade

Lesley arfin is fuckin wacksville now, how much more boring can this shit get? I used to go straight to this after the Do's and Don'ts but now I hardly even bother. You should be fired. Seriously.

Subject: life has passed me byyyyyyyyyy at age 22
Date: Jul 02 2005 05:48:32 PM
Author: bitter old dude

must have been nice having older friends to get you into interesting things.

Subject: BORING
Date: Jul 02 2005 05:40:55 PM
Author: JOHNSON

YAWN