Viceland.com - A MILLION LITTLE GROSS JARS

A few months ago I was keeping a huge, oozy garden slug in a jar along with a few daddy longlegs and some vegetation. One day I noticed the slug was secreting a heavy amount of bubbly slug slime/blood. I took a closer look and I found that it was being devoured by white, stringy maggots. As time passed the maggots grew into fruit flies, which escaped through ventilation holes in the top of the jar, leaving their husks behind. Also, the vegetation grew into a moldy slush. All that was left of the slug was a shriveled, grayish film stuck to the bottom of the jar.

Having not much use for the jar as it was, I decided to make some additions. The jar now contains:

• Strawberry Ensure, which gives it that lovely shade of pink

• The pure urine of a sweet young virgin

• Two used condoms found trampled on the streets of the Mission (415 PRIDE!!!)

• Squid intestines

• Generic brand lemon-scented ammonia

• Wood varnish

• A chunk of linty Old Spice roll-on deodorant, which is fused with the odors of my dad’s old man B.O

• Shaving cream

• Activated psyllium

I think that’s it for this one.

I LIKED THIS JAR SO MUCH THAT I DECIDED TO MAKE SOME MORE. HERE THEY ARE, ALONG WITH LISTS OF THEIR CONTENTS...

• A shriveled rat carcass that has kind of evaporated

• More pee

• Extremely old cigarette butts that had to be scraped out of the ashtray with a Swiss army knife, and came out in a compressed disk

• Mysterious pube trimmings that were found in the bathroom waste basket (ew, my mom has a sex life)

• Strange pickled root things purchased from a Chinatown herb shop

• Water from flea-combing the cat

• Barfy spit

• Rotten pinto beans,

• The water of a dead goldfish

• 30-year-old Ipecac syrup

• Lard

• Sour butter

• Dog hair

• Olive oil

• soiled feminine products,

• bloody bandages and tissues

• A pickled beet

• soggy gingersnaps

This one isn’t really that gross, but it looks cool.

• moldy strawberries

• green paint

• water

• acetone

• SQUID GUTS

This is currently the nastiest. That is a baby mouse those maggots are eating.

Can you guess?

PSEUDONYM MCGEE

Comments:

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Subject: Yum!!
Date: Jan 05 2007 03:45:54 PM
Author: Piastor

That looks delicious dude! Gotta have some of those for breakfast tomorrow...

Subject: Sheeeeeet
Date: Oct 29 2006 01:58:32 AM
Author: Modoc

When you have friends over and someone gets drunkenly dared to drink from one of those, make sure it's the used feminine products one (yes I did almost vomit, thanks for asking) and write an article about it.

Subject: kuksuger
Date: Apr 27 2006 05:24:29 PM
Author: fitte

jaevli mongo kjerringhorefitte norske som skriver her. tett magasin da.
sug kuk

Subject: 1000,000 gross jars
Date: Apr 23 2006 08:48:27 AM
Author: stan the man

nice! have you contracted any gastro-intestinal/facially-disfiguring diseases as a result if your gross-jars? if you have did you add the resulting faeces/vomit/scabs/whatever to the jars, also I only counted ten, you owe me 999990 more or something(maths is not my strong-point)
I'm gonna start my own jar now, if it beats yours can I have a job?

Subject: MINGIN'
Date: Mar 28 2006 04:16:31 PM
Author: Chrissie

YOU THINK THATS GROSS....YOU'RE JUST CHUCKIN' RANDOM STUFF IN THERE IN THE HOPE THAT IT FORMS A WEIRD GROSS CONCOCTION-MY UNI(KING'S LONDON)HAS AN ENTIRE MUSEUM DEDICATED TO PICKLED RANK STUFF..........DISEASED BOOBS, PICKLED TESTES, TUMORS,EMBRYOS, SYPHILIS, LEGS,FACES WITH SYPHILLIS, ARTISIC WORKS SHOWING DISEASED PPL.
CONCLUCION& OVERALL TONE-ANYTHING YOU CAN DO WE CAN DO BETTER....WE CANDO ANYTHING BETTER THAN YOU.......;)

Subject: grossi gross gross
Date: Feb 19 2006 04:43:21 PM
Author: Lyubi-da dah from scandinavia

haaahah..

I love this article.. like red it 4 thimes or something :D
fucked up disgusting!! ... wauw.. making me have faith in people still being weird and cool(not hurting anybody) .. just great..

would you be my friend mcgee?

Subject: Gross jars
Date: Feb 18 2006 04:56:52 AM
Author: Rotte

Ohmygod. xD

Stygt..

Subject: baby
Date: Feb 16 2006 05:12:29 PM
Author: luke

if you're really that gross,you should really make a "dead baby" jar.

Subject: Neat
Date: Feb 12 2006 03:35:28 PM
Author: Boo

You're sicker than my balls

Subject: lolol
Date: Feb 04 2006 11:46:10 AM
Author: JAKOBJÓNARS

jú ar só uglý æ vont tú kill jú læk kreisý bastard!¨

p.s. you'r sicker than my hair

Subject: those disgusting jars of yours
Date: Feb 02 2006 03:21:48 PM
Author: Odda

Blurgh I actually threw up.. And then my mom came and yelled at me because she thought I did it on purpose..

Subject: haha
Date: Feb 01 2006 06:04:49 AM
Author: thelma

hehe wow!!..its amazing how lonely people can be..hehe couldnt you find anything else to do:D??? but if it brings you any happiness or sum i guess its good for you:P

Subject: idiots
Date: Jan 31 2006 08:35:23 PM
Author: burgundy

idiots

Subject: these gross jars
Date: Jan 29 2006 08:36:57 AM
Author: fightingnewfoundlander

poetry

Subject: boogers
Date: Jan 26 2006 11:54:32 PM
Author: yel

I've never made a gross jar but if I ever decided to, I would make a Booger Jar. I love digging up my nose and discovering a nice big crunchy booger. Then I roll it up and toss it to the side - which is such a waste!
Make a Booger Jar and carry it around with you in your bag or backpack. So, next time your in your car or walking down the street and feel the need to dig up those nostrils of yours and you find and cling on to that delicate creation, have your jar handy and toss that baby in there.

Subject: Gross issue
Date: Jan 23 2006 11:08:18 AM
Author: Matt

Hey Guys,

Why not do an entire Gross Issue? You could have articles about those tumors with hair and teeth in them, giant blackheads and cysts etc. I'm just sayin'....the Horror Issue wasn't really horrifying enough, this is the time for Gross.

word

Subject: several little gross jars
Date: Jan 20 2006 08:46:20 AM
Author: slim mik

you need to get out more gross jar girl...

Subject: gross jar
Date: Jan 17 2006 08:26:24 AM
Author: Silo dont know

it would be really good if you could get a scratch and sniff of those things, well maybe it wouldn't but for a split second that seemed like a good idea

Subject: grievance
Date: Jan 14 2006 08:57:25 AM
Author: doc

in case you are unaware, you all need therapy

Subject: New ideas.....
Date: Jan 13 2006 04:40:03 AM
Author: Dandroid

Hey Gross Girl,
If you're reading,me and my mate Henry used to make THE FUCKIN' BEST grossjars ever!It involved scraping around in his garden pond to amass some of that wierd cling-on algae shit that grows off everything.Then,you stick it in a jar and seal with clingwrap (v.important!).Leave in summer sun for as long as you dare.Then,when you feel like fucking with people just walk up behind'em and remove clingwrap.......HEY PRESTO!!! The most stinky-ass,fucking grossed out brew I have EVER smelt/concocted (it made me puke one time).Way worse than any store-bought stink bomb-worse than Giardia breath,rotting flesh,enema dump.....anything.We used to intensify the rush by lobbing said jars down the street towards unknowing passers-by (shattering glass and instant stench really freaks people out!).Holy shit,those were the days...(sigh).Fuck,I'm rambling.You got me all excited Gross Girl......ILOVEYOU!!!

Subject: nasty jars
Date: Jan 12 2006 08:10:09 AM
Author: Lilli

I think that this is a fantastic idea... i mean, it's totally repulsive, but it's great - provided that the lids stay on the jars. I think that i will have to start making my own nasty jars complete with ingredients lists and distribute them at birthday and christmas time. I wonder if i would have to specify their exact contents in order to make it through OS post... is biological material permitted or is there some kind of quarantine laws?

Subject: fuck yes
Date: Jan 11 2006 12:49:49 PM
Author: Beck

I have such an obsession with gross jar right now, if I had room I'd have my own collection. Maybe I could start a gross apartment...

Subject: Bajskorvar
Date: Jan 11 2006 08:46:14 AM
Author: JoniRS

Why dont u have any "bajskorvar" in the bottles ?

bajskorvar is the shit! its soo cool!!!
-U might find it in your bathroom, maybe somebody like to eat it? if u eat it ill give u a $dollar or 2... thnx penis kissers

Subject: master jar
Date: Jan 10 2006 11:33:38 PM
Author: girl

combine all of the jars and make a SUPER jar it'll be a smelly puke filled job but you can always puke in the MASTER jar and continue from there..right?

Subject: look..beyond the jar
Date: Jan 09 2006 09:07:37 PM
Author: rameras

the shit people have time to do..why is everyone so fucking retarded? i love it.

Subject: You suck
Date: Jan 09 2006 03:09:21 PM
Author: Jabrieel

Any true collection of gross jars would include a gallon of human feces. These jars are lame.

Subject: f u SF
Date: Jan 09 2006 02:07:31 PM
Author: danny

what a moist shit of a city! hope all you pansy ass san franshitsco losers get gonohrea from your gross jars and die.

Subject: jack
Date: Jan 09 2006 06:25:33 AM
Author: off

I wonder if someone actually jacked off while looking at these very "afrodisiak"-pics.. haha

Subject: off
Date: Jan 09 2006 06:14:58 AM
Author: Jack

I wonder if someone actually jacked off while reading this post..

Subject: wow
Date: Jan 09 2006 03:22:00 AM
Author: TWO WORDS

the rapy!

Subject: fuck you
Date: Jan 09 2006 12:37:04 AM
Author: imp xox

i opened this while i was eating. seriously- yo uare a foul twisted fuck

Subject: brilliant!
Date: Jan 07 2006 10:09:41 PM
Author: your new girlfriend

I'm serious. You rule. I wanna go hospital dumpster diving with you.

Subject: GROSS JARS ARE COOL
Date: Jan 07 2006 09:35:53 PM
Author: LIVER

I remember making these things back in college. We could never afford trash cans. So we made these jars and sent them to poor countries like Ethiopia or some poor JapNip in Tokyo.

Subject: yum-yum
Date: Jan 07 2006 05:45:55 PM
Author: normlsmoker

you should see if you can't get some homeless bum to drink a gross jar for a vile of crack...i can't help it, that shit's funny to me...

Subject: too funny
Date: Jan 06 2006 04:03:47 PM
Author: butt fugly

I loved the absinthe ad (with the tagline "bottled inspiration") right below the bottled maxipads and above the gingersnap pickled beets

Subject: gross jar
Date: Jan 06 2006 09:57:08 AM
Author: in mellllllllllbourne, australiaaaaaaaa!

when I was 7. Uncle caught a fish. I was allowed the tail. put it in a jar, with some rocks - grassssssssss and dried catfood (so it could eat derh!!) and then I took it to school - and it was allowed to live on the mantel - next to where we filled out fountain pens, so every fucker had to look a a fishes tail EVERY DAY!! then it had to go - and I opened the jar to let the fish free - on the garden The End....

Subject: hmmmm
Date: Jan 06 2006 08:12:30 AM
Author: Asmodeus

Hee-ey! I used to do the same stuff! Not as gross as 'soiled feminine products' or my mums pubes, but medicines and alcohol and food pased the expiry date...usually I used to drink the 'potion'(I dont know why) until one day I suddenly realized that I shouldnt because its bad for me....hmmmm

Subject: sick
Date: Jan 06 2006 05:28:59 AM
Author: stark

oh ma gawd i properly hate this shit, its funny and kinda addictive but i know its gonna make loads gross jars pop up everywhere all the time when i least expect it...living in fear...

Subject: Great StuFF!
Date: Jan 05 2006 05:53:16 AM
Author: Andrei

I am about to store my own corpse in to a BIG jar when I die and my sons will keep it in the living room so the relatives, wife and visitor can watch me rot in it slowly.

Subject: New life evolving?
Date: Jan 05 2006 04:39:21 AM
Author: Anu Stappi

Any new lifeforms detected while doing these experiments or what ever they are..:)

Subject: children
Date: Jan 04 2006 11:54:56 PM
Author: andrew s

my friends did this in college, except their jars were giant glass pickle jars and they called them the "children" and were named (like stoners name bongs!)...a lot more foul things would fit in there, which means the smell was pretty fucking awe-inspiring.

my friend jeff also (still) keeps a 20 oz plastic soda bottle of his own spit. he told our friend gerald he'd give him one for his birthday, but he'd hafta smell it... did gerald gag and puke-spit?

yes.

Subject: yummy
Date: Jan 04 2006 07:36:16 PM
Author: barrel maker

the rat carcass jar is making me salivate

Subject: gross jar(s)
Date: Jan 04 2006 07:20:13 AM
Author: hmm...

you guys are sick!!! why on earth would you do that?? (rat jar!!) its good fun tho! keep it up you sick fuckers!!:o)oh and the tampon jar is just nasty the girl who thought it was a good idea seriously needs some help! its sick sick i tell you!!!!

Subject: ding a ling a ling aling aling
Date: Jan 03 2006 10:17:18 PM
Author: kippers

have a cook off

Subject: it all depends
Date: Jan 03 2006 03:16:35 AM
Author: derek

keeping your old tampons in a jar is not cool, it's insane. there is probably a medical reason this girl still lives with her parents. fucking creepy.

Subject: delicious
Date: Jan 03 2006 03:05:16 AM
Author: mreks

ms mcgee .. i do beleive u r trying to seduce me!

Subject: same thing...
Date: Jan 01 2006 11:15:31 PM
Author: Darce

A friend of mine made a bucket with food stuff, dog shit, human shit/piss, chemicals from his dads shed and a dead cat he found. He then buried it for a few months then dug it up. It was called the "Mega Bucky", he threw it over the neighbours fence.

Subject: man that's good
Date: Dec 31 2005 11:14:55 PM
Author: narple

i have to agree with jackson, thats some funny shit. how much for the 7th grade wine?

Subject: hoh?
Date: Dec 30 2005 06:03:30 PM
Author: crow dave

uh,what?

Subject: this article
Date: Dec 30 2005 02:46:24 PM
Author: jackfader

You are all retarded.

Subject: auction
Date: Dec 30 2005 02:40:08 PM
Author: hleb

how much do u want for tha jar of used fanny pads

Subject: ... Brilliant.
Date: Dec 30 2005 02:23:35 PM
Author: Dr. Fate

I know Vice gets a lot of shit from a lot of people who just like to hear themselves talk up a storm.

However, this is something fucking BRILLIANT!

Well Done "PSEUDONYM MCGEE"?

Subject: mother theresa
Date: Dec 28 2005 03:58:59 PM
Author: the fuck...

this nigga done lost his mind

Subject: memories
Date: Dec 28 2005 12:26:58 AM
Author: santa cruz

in sixth grade we mixed some hot dogs, urine, guacamole, mayo and left it in the sun for three weeks, then we threw the oversized jar through sara's parents' living room window because she liked my brother and he thought she was ugly. only funny because we were raised communist and non judgemental. seriously.

Subject: awesome
Date: Dec 27 2005 10:43:15 PM
Author: jackson

this is the greatest idea ever, my friend has a jar from 7th grade when we tried to make wine, it is still fermenting in his dresser drawer, 8 years later

Subject: barf
Date: Dec 27 2005 10:29:53 PM
Author: muschi

That mouse jar is fucking gross. Good stuff!

Subject: Careful now...
Date: Dec 27 2005 06:57:26 PM
Author: Steve-dave

If you ever develop some sort of gross jar delivery system, i.e. a launcher of some sort, the government might consider you to be producing chemical weapons ;)

Subject: Gross Jars
Date: Dec 27 2005 02:50:09 PM
Author: Mustache

I think a gross-vat is in order...combine them