This is Berel. I guess when hats are such a huge part of your deal, you invest in a good hat rack. You had to wash your hands with this cup before you went into the wedding. I walked into the room and was totally freaked out. I was wearing a yarmulke and my host kept introducing me to people as Isaac, then I’d mumble something back so they wouldn’t know I was a gentile.  These guys were reading prayers out loud. I found it odd that only a small number of people were listening to the prayers. Mostly they were chatting to each other, or on cell phones, in Yiddish. There was tons of booze too. This is when a gang of older guys grabbed the groom (who looked about 16) and led him to a big room full of women. It’s a tradition that before the wedding he has to check to make sure that they’re presenting him with the right girl. This dates back to a biblical story where one Old Testament Jewish guy switches the bride. It was the right girl! They picked her up and led her out of the room. This is probably only the third time the bride and groom have ever seen each other. They are almost total strangers.  The guys go into a room and grab candles... this whole thing takes place in an elementary school, by the way. Next, all the guys begin a procession to the wedding tent. The groom got under the tent and started chanting and rocking back and forth. He was kinda freaking out and crying. You can’t tell by these pictures, but it’s really dark and the only light is from the candles. This is all very haunting. I was told that the Hasidim are really into mysticism. The rabbi or whatever starts reading the vows in Yiddish. Then I heard a glass smash, and I guess they are married! Next the veil is lifted to make sure she’s not a troll. Score! I’m so happy for them! Now the new couple goes into a private room and talk to each other for the first time ever: this may be the first conversation this kid has ever had with a member of the opposite sex. While the bride and groom were on a blind date from hell, all the men sat in the huge room and ate dinner. They told me that the more religious the wedding, the blander the food. There were massive chunks of fish. These guys had some sweet tunes. They were crooning the nostalgic hits of 834 B.C. Kids’ table, just like at my house. A Hasidic joint! Scoop! The guys I was with, although extremely devoted, were very into drinking and drugs. Then the groom came back and everyone was psyched. “Congratulations on bagging a hottie! You must be very holy!” Then he got the chair ride. The bros started forming a dance party, which involves a big hand-holding circle. At first it starts out really slow, just walking, but gradually it builds up momentum... ...until dudes are just shredding around in a huge circle at Mach 2. This guy had a candlestick horn and a different hat. This guy had a different hat and balanced the fruit plate on his head. There was also a guy who balanced a huge table in his mouth. This guy told me he used to party with Timothy Leary and do a lot of acid. As usual when a guy tells me these kinds of stories, I tuned out, so I missed the ending about how he got Hasidic again. Oh shit, a lady! A rare sighting. She’s probably had about four kids by now and is pushing 19 years old. The dancing stopped and some kind of discussion was happening, then some praying. When they got done with that they put broseph back on the chair and brought him to another table. The groom sat down and they made him drink out of a cup. Then this huge army of women showed up and sat at the end of the room with the bride. The bride drank out of the same cup, which must be their version of “kiss the bride.” At this point, my hosts wanted to leave. We got in the car and drove back to the city. The groom is probably getting his first taste of female flesh right at this point. Until tonight he’s never even seen an ankle.  This guy was on the ride back. His friend told us he’s the holiest of the holy. He talked about how he used to be really depressed, almost to the point of suicide, but now he smiles all the time.    We stopped for gas and this Hasidic married couple was stranded after getting their car impounded. We gave them a ride too. Thanks, Berel!