Rhythm Division, Bow.

Wiley (left) with Tin Tin sweatshirt. Kano (centre), Photos by Jamie-James Medina

"Your bitch got a big pair of tits she's a 34 double G/
Your bitch is the spitting image of Lindsey Dawn Mackenzie/
Your bitch is a tramp and she gave me a STD"

There's no fronting on Dogzee's line from Target's "STDs". Great to have UK MCs finally saying stuff we can all relate to. Last time I played away I caught a dose that left my little fella looking like a Wham bar (even had the yellow fizzing lumps on it). Anyway you may have picked up Target's banger on the Ace's High Mix CD but it's now available on vinyl so get down to Rhythm Division in Bow and grab your copy (rhythmdivision.co.uk) The MCs—Dogzee and Syer—are about the worst we have heard since JC001 or Subsonic Two but it'll make you laugh in horror. Things get even stinkier on the chorus: "STD fucking bitches, scratch and snitches, hands down my pants, my balls needs a scratching". For older readers, think of it like you did with 2 Live Crew—they weren't much cop on the mic, but were rude enough to keep you interested and giggling like a spaz.

2004 is shaping up as the summer of MCs' catchprases (see list below) Herge's Adventures of Tin Tin clothing (as worn by Wylie at a recent Kano show—like Pink Panther Iceberg shirts for the 04), Lethal B's ‘Forward Rhythm', Bruizer smashing it on everyone's records, and Riko getting out of jail.

The BIGGEST news "on road" in recent times is that Riko is out of jail and ready to blow up. After spending most of the last four years in the slammer he's been recording with Roll Deep amongst others. If everyone starts going batshit over his records it might be enough of an incentive for him to stay out of the big house, so we suggest you hunt him down on Target's current heater, "Which Gal", or tune in to Target's Rinse FM (100.3FM) show Saturday night between 9-11pm. If you can't miss Westwood then Target also does Wednesday 5-7pm. With a bit of major label marketing money Riko could be on his way to being a British 50 Cent (without the lisp, retard sidekicks, tennis shoes or the homoerotic videos. Or the shitty monotone style—what is it with 50? He sounds like he's reading a fucking shopping list most of the time). The big man (Riko not 50 Cent) had this to say when we called: "It's absolutely great to be out, haha you get me, I've got lots of catching up to do. Things haven't changed drastically from when I was on road last time, I'm still the boss, still the governor. I've wasted ‘nuff time for sure but my time is now. I've got a new manager and things are looking up. I'm working on my mixtape and tracks with Target, Terror Danjah, Danny Weed and Roll Deep, as for the war with Neeko (More Fire), that's done, soundbwoy fi dead—and you can't murk a ghost now can ya?"

Seriously, this man's got so much to give it'd be a real waste if he ended up spending his days doing sit ups and playing pool in a confined space with loads of scumbags again, so let's all show some love and buy his records.

According to the Timbaland of east London, Terror Danjah, "After Dizzee and Kano, Bruizer is the next to go". In fact, he's already gone. Pick up the current east London banger "Bruizin", forthcoming "Expert Player" (both on Aftershock) or his verses on new Shystie and Streets remixes. We've also heard a heavy metal track he's done which is BIG.

As we mentioned last month it's all about crazy ghetto DVDs that look like they cost 25p and a bit of felt tip pen to produce. Any more lo-fi and they'd be a fucking zoetrope. This month sees the release of the best one yet: Lord of the Mic (brought to you by Lord of the Decks' Ratty and Cappo). All the clashings and murkings are here: Crazy Titch versus Bruizer, Wylie versus Kano and Footsie versus Scratchy. Hopefully there will be some Dizzee action on there also unless XL go apeshit.

Finally, Tosh's ghost wants us to mention the relaunch of Deuce as he thinks new editor Chantelle Fiddy is fit. The best thing we've ever read in a magazine was Riko's letter from prison in the last issue before they shut down. The new issue should be out by the time you read this. Besides this column it will be the best document of Grime so far, so go buy two copies.

TOSH LYONS & PETER SHILTON
(btw, Grimewatch hasn't replaced the rap column forever. Both back next month.)

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Martin Clark's Most Nang Man MC Catchphrases!
1. Bruizer: "Getme!" 2. D Double E: "It's Mueeh Mueh" 3. Lethal B: "Pow!" 4. Footsie: "You Don't Want War Wid" 5. JME: "Serious!"