DEAR DIARY

Spring 1992
Dear Diary,
Tomorrow I am going to South Woods. I hope I hope I hope I hope Mr. Greenspan doesn’t recognize me from last year. If I get in trouble I’ll be soooo dead. Please let him not recognize me, please! Me and Ally played manhunt at Lee’s house with Jimmy and Mike Didonna. It was soooo fun. I think I still like Mike but Jimmy was flirting with me a little because he attacked me and I fell in a ditch. It was totally pitch-black and a crazy night. I also ran into a thorn bush and my knee hurts and I think there’s a thorn in it but who really cares. I am really excited to go to South Woods. Everyone there likes me and they are so much cooler than Thompson kids. I really feel like writing a poem. Oh well. TTFN.

PS. This is a list of people I HATE.
1. Billy
2. Sheryl
3. Todd
4. All people from Hebrew school (1/2)
5. Amanda

Love,
Lesley

November 2003
Here is the follow-up to that night of manhunt, which also happens to be my number-one favorite scar story (and the only scar story I have). The pain in my knee got increasingly worse, so my mom took me to the doctor. The doctor was all, “Hmmm, looks like you have a thorn in your knee, all right,” and so he used this numbing cream and tried to get it out, but got all Dr. Hibbard on me and was like, “Ha ha, it won’t seem to come out, ha ha ha.” Fast forward three weeks, when I’m picking at my knee as usual because I just know there is something wonderful waiting to be discovered under my skin. It doesn’t hurt anymore, but I don’t want it to be in there forever, like those people who have little pieces of pencil stuck in them (gross) from when they were young. So anyway, me and my sister are watching Melrose Place on the couch, and I’m picking away when suddenly a huge sharp thorn emerges from my knee. Imagine the best zit you ever popped and times it by a thousand. This was the most satisfaction I had ever felt (let me remind you that I was 12 at the time). I start freaking out and then my sister sees this thorn sticking out of my knee, and she starts freaking out, and we both just stare at in all its glory. Then my mom came down and looked at my knee in horror and pulled the thorn out. Then the blood came (I didn’t cry), and now I have a small scar on my knee.

PS: The list of the people I hate still stands (except Billy).

LESLEY ARFIN

Comments:

Subject: Love it.
Date: Feb 09 2008 06:17:45 AM
Author: Lauren

Love the thorn story. Thats excellent.
People should stop being angry at her diary entries, that's lame.
Peace.

Subject: ...
Date: Aug 04 2006 11:03:17 AM
Author: ...

its not ur fault that u hated so many people!
i hate people too!
theres a girl @ my school and man is she sooooooooooooooooooo dumb and ugly ! i hate her not for that i hate her cause she she always used to get me iinto trouble and once we were friends and i neva even wanted to be her friend and so i sed i dont wanna b ya friend eny more an now she has always tried to steal my firends off me!she is so ARGH i just wanna kill her i really do! i just really hate her!
so its not ur fault u hate people!

Subject: Hottie!
Date: Mar 04 2004 01:38:15 AM
Author: ILockKidsInMyCellar

That is one hot Jewess!

She can light my Minorah any day of the week!

.....even though i am white and catholic

Subject: hater
Date: Feb 08 2004 11:30:32 AM
Author: lovelesley

would that be sheryl rosenthal? if so, she sucks...many dicks!

Subject: .
Date: Feb 07 2004 11:06:07 PM
Author: .

jews really do suck... i mean, nazism is a little extreme (and far too much hassle)

but fuck i can see where it got started

Subject: TTFN
Date: Feb 07 2004 10:50:28 AM
Author: latinosexgod

"Ta ta for now," you uncultured shit.

Subject: .
Date: Jan 29 2004 07:45:59 PM
Author: drawingboxes

what does ttfn mean? i can't stand it any longer

Subject: What?!
Date: Jan 27 2004 08:41:13 AM
Author: Hurray!

This story was a disappointment. Where's the part where you gave at Mike a handjob and then 3 years later sucked his bro-ham off at a party on the last day of highschool after drinking too much Garbage Can Punch? That's usually how it ends...

Subject: arfkin
Date: Jan 23 2004 06:15:37 PM
Author: out foreign like

I still think you're hot as hell, Arfin.

Subject: hebrew school
Date: Jan 20 2004 08:05:21 PM
Author: sum grrl

it's not a hate crime to hate everyone you went to hebrew school with. I'm jewish and I didn't like any of them either. Perhaps it was because the only thing any of us had in common was the religion we were born into. Most of them were rich spoiled brats and pissed me off.

Subject: Mr. Greenspan
Date: Jan 15 2004 12:56:14 PM
Author: Franky

That's awesome about the thorn, but I totally wanted to read an update about Mr. Greenspan. Did he recognize you or not? The suspense is killing me!

Oh and Jenn, I was TTFN-ing in fucking '89, bitch.

Subject: Hate Crime!
Date: Jan 15 2004 11:42:01 AM
Author: CF

You said you hated the people from Hebrew school! I know what that means- they're Jewish! I don't care if they were assholes or if you're Jewish yourself- don't commit your hate crimes here!

Subject: want to know
Date: Jan 12 2004 01:24:12 PM
Author: inquiring minds

lesley, can you tell us more about your heroin addiction? pretty please?

Subject: Hebrew School
Date: Jan 10 2004 03:23:02 AM
Author: Blissfully Ignorant

I hate everyone at hebrew school also. As a matter of fact I hate all Jews. *Smile*

Subject: no way.
Date: Jan 09 2004 08:34:16 PM
Author: jenn

oh come on. no one acronym'd "TTFN" back in 1992. lies, all lies.

Subject: wtf?
Date: Jan 09 2004 12:02:29 PM
Author: thorn zit!

gross

Subject: ???
Date: Jan 09 2004 05:44:37 AM
Author: Emphatt

Yo, brown.... What d fuck r u on about?

Subject: pencil
Date: Jan 08 2004 12:34:48 AM
Author: brown

my dum fucken friend a few years back went to the doctor coz he had a pain in his ear. they discovered A WHOLE TIP OF A PENCIL up there! the stupid asshole

ps--- he went on to become a pussy 18 year old senior citizen who exclusively eats pills and chicken nuggets, sleeps ALL DAY, doesn't leave his house - except to go to Big Boy every once3 in a while, watches the weather channel, and tries to win over my ex girlfriend by telling her i am a cokehead(?) and that i make gay porn movies(?!?). plus over the summer he would run his fingers thru my hair

Subject: ?
Date: Jan 07 2004 03:21:56 AM
Author: gulf

What do you mean?

Subject: .
Date: Jan 02 2004 03:45:27 PM
Author: .

when did this turn into chattyjewassholes.com?

Subject: Les!
Date: Dec 31 2003 06:23:50 PM
Author: tresses

Les is more! A ha ha ha ha ha. I hate everyone from Hebrew School too, assholes.

Subject: lesley/ie
Date: Dec 31 2003 12:22:50 PM
Author: fish

1. lesley, did you used to be leslie, or am i imagining things?
2. did you hang out at happy park in jericho or was that before your time?
3. do you have a new year's resolution?

Subject: Why was I removed form the list?
Date: Dec 31 2003 11:56:40 AM
Author: Billy

I am glad to see that my name was removed from the people I hate list - thanks Leslie - I can now sleep soundly at night !

Subject: gus
Date: Dec 31 2003 03:58:05 AM
Author: grubby

sick pregnant women are the best fucks

Subject: some thoughts
Date: Dec 31 2003 12:49:28 AM
Author: a mexican

i fucking hate ingrown hairs they are such a trip! And how could that gilr not have taken that thorn out way earlier...oh yea judging by the picture she dosent care much for personal health...and fuck alan greenspan...neoliberal globalization motherfucker

Subject: arfin!
Date: Dec 29 2003 06:11:49 PM
Author: brandan doty

you look like a sick pregnant woman in that picture. super gross out!

Subject: that bastard
Date: Dec 29 2003 05:37:29 PM
Author: economania

is that THE Mr Greenspan?

Subject: under the skin
Date: Dec 29 2003 01:18:57 PM
Author: YES!

Once I had an ingrown hair on my face. I thought it was a zit but when I popped it the puss was a dry pasty puss. Then I noticed a little black hair so I started to pull it out. It was 3 inches long. That fucker was coiling up in there for years.

Subject: arfers
Date: Dec 28 2003 05:14:03 PM
Author: out foreign like

Ms Arfin, you're looking pretty damn attractive in that photo. Sort of a Levantine Louise Brooks.

Subject: hebrew school
Date: Dec 28 2003 12:42:09 AM
Author: 39

I love how she writes down how she hates everyone from hebrew school. It remind me of elementary school when racial slurs were flying fast and furious, and no one cared.