Unless they hurry up and finish making the classic second album that their now AMAZING live show is hinting at, Selfish Cunt will become a footnote in the history of “Good Looking Trendy Bands From East London.”

Many of you may laugh at this, but the world of music needs this band as much as America needs a new President (I’m taking bets on Hillary Clinton). Problem is, singer Martin Tomlinson is such an unpredictable, unreliable little drug-munching queen that I’m worried the band is going the same way as his uni career.

Vice: So, where did you go to university?
Martin: The University of North London.

And what did you do there?
Trash. Not Trash the club, just trashy people. I failed all my A-levels so there was nowhere else for me to go.

And how was student life there?
The course was fantastic, but the people were just tragic. I did performance art, and my whole course wanted to be in like Eastenders or Fame, which is just totally not me. So I ended up fucking my course up ‘cos I started taking loads of acid and shit like that.

Why do people hate students?
People are jealous because you’re young and you’re gorgeous. Lots of older people would love to be in that situation. You’re not tainted by life. If the system wants to provide you with a few years of getting high, hanging around and talking about Satre, then great.

JOCK STEEL