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THIS ISSUE:
PHOTOS

REGULARS:
DOS AND DON'TS

BACK ISSUES
GUIDES






Pakistani teens are in a shitty spot. The girls get butryic acid thrown in their faces if they marry a white guy and if the dudes even think about non-Muslim tits they get their dicks stoned to death. That's why infidels like you need to go over to your local 7-11 right now and give this poor bastard a real eyeful. All his dad can do is scream, "This is not the party place for all your painting red of the town! Get down from there, you nat na fucking portnahey!" (If you want to piss him off even more tell him his uncle is a donkey. Pakis hate that.)

If all you see is some Caddyshack douchebag with an ironic mullet sitting here in the DOs for no reason then you are a blind piece of shit with no eyes. That is an original-edition Fred Perry, which means it is almost half a century old. Who's ironic now, bitch? Who would win in a fight: an African Scotsman dub scientist who plays cricket on the roof and once ate out Queen Elizabeth...

...or a gay Japanese B-boy from Chile who got a javelin scholarship and once gave birth? "Neither! Those are both made-up motherfuckers. That's like saying, who would win in a fight, a classy black guy or a tough gay guy?"
Wrong, you fucking redneck. Look at the pictures next to you!

Why do we love New York so much? I guess because it's the only city on earth with hot dog stands like this. Is it me or are you noticing a lot more guys wearing Michael Jackson jackets? I couldn't rock something that gay myself but when those guys are around you feel like you're in a Ralph Bakshi cartoon where everyone moves around all smooth-like and you can throw the bouncer through a wall.

Owe kaaaaaye. Now I've seen everything. Wallabees with heels. Could you have more of a cake-and-eat-it-too combination, please? What's next, a pretty girl with a brain? Most races are like popcorn kernels. The girls are super hot and sizzling and then, at 30, BANG they puff out to 10 times their size. On the other hand, blacks don't crack and this "Hot Mama" (check the belt buckle) is still so fuckable it makes you wonder why her kids don't beat off thinking about her.

Dude, you are the worst President ever. Even motherfucking George Burns clawed his way out of the grave to make fun of you. Some dude who was at Disneyland sent this to us with the caption, "Not sure if this is a DO or a DON'T." Are you nuts? While every woman in America is too scared to sport anything but a Juicy Couture jumpsuit this Cyndi Lauper supermodel is wearing a fucking bikini on top of a garage sale's worth of great outfits.

Talk about the dos and don'ts in the Vice Forums.



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Subject: jackson jacket
Date: Sep 01 2004 02:33:41 PM
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Subject: jackson jacket
Date: Sep 01 2004 02:33:41 PM
Author: C.H.U.D.

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Subject: YOU
Date: Aug 31 2004 02:59:36 AM
Author: RICK JAMES

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PROVING ONCE AGAIN YOU ARE A BRAINWASHED GOYIM !
JEWS PROBABLY EVEN TRICKED YOU'RE STUPID GOY PARENTS INTO SEXUALLY MUTILATING YOUR PARTS AT BIRTH(OTHERWISE KNOWN AS CIRCUMCISION, I PREFER THE TRUTH AS ALWAYS THATS WHY YOU WERE SEXUALLY MUTILATED !) YOU FUCKIN BRAINDEAD GOYIM JUST LOOK AT YOUR MANGLED JIBLETS YOU DUMB GOYIM !



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Date: Aug 20 2004 01:28:32 AM
Author: rinaldo

www.uh8.com.au............. it ain that bad so dont even think about it i love you all i really do please dont hit me please aaaaaahhhhhh run run the americans are comming



Subject: dumdy dum dum
Date: Aug 18 2004 09:40:49 PM
Author: john

i lots anoodles and i dont like it check it out www.uh8.com.au



Subject: priceless
Date: Aug 18 2004 09:29:13 PM
Author: rinaldo

i love these do ands donts you should all check out this web site or maybe you shouldnt or maybe we should i did and now i do do and dont www.uh8.com.au



Subject: good to see im not the only one
Date: Aug 18 2004 07:39:07 PM
Author: i can see a retarded website

ive never seen this site before and i hope i never do....ive laughed more at www.games-workshop.com and it wasnt cause it licks donkey balls like this site... i hope that it used to be better cause if this is all they can muster.....
Gary!



Subject: pakizzz
Date: Aug 18 2004 06:42:57 PM
Author: manara

the guy who said something about pakis and hindu dress
hell0 pakistanis arent hindu you gay
the end



Subject: BASEBALL
Date: Aug 15 2004 11:02:41 AM
Author: JOSÉ CONSECO














COULD SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW TO PLAY BASEBALL PLEASE BECAUSE AS IT STANDS.....I RECKON ITS POSSIBLY THE WORST WASTE OF FUCKING TIME I'VE EVER SEEN. YEAH AMERICA RULES...YEH WHAT FUCKING EVER.



Subject: ha ha ahahahaha
Date: Aug 15 2004 10:30:07 AM
Author: viceaddict

you guys are sooo funny.
keep up the good work guys!



Subject: yea
Date: Aug 14 2004 11:31:37 AM
Author: Cheesy Macaroni

whats with all these homo pictures... and black chicks man, i dont know about that... shes still a bit chunky



Subject: Re: Dos?
Date: Aug 13 2004 12:22:20 AM
Author: Lyttonius

I thought these were the don'ts... what the fuck?



Subject: 7-11...
Date: Aug 12 2004 12:04:02 PM
Author: Phil's like...

has never seemed like so much fun.



Subject: fred perry
Date: Aug 12 2004 06:29:10 AM
Author: Haas

only assholes wear fred perry, no discussion you cock!



Subject: taking of pelham
Date: Aug 12 2004 06:16:53 AM
Author: pete

hey Jesus H Christ from Jul 30 -are we really a bunch of "right cunts" or are you just some wannabe Brit drinking tea and eating scones. now who's the "right cunt" -

peter the butcher



Subject: hehnow
Date: Aug 11 2004 12:20:33 AM
Author: hehnow

hehnow, that black chick is kinda kraft cheesy, i dont care if she's got a hot mama belt buckle...



Subject: celebs
Date: Aug 04 2004 04:38:55 PM
Author: me

I like the way they do celebs. Its anti-magazine



Subject: no no no
Date: Aug 04 2004 03:19:04 PM
Author: lee

it is not "cool" when vice has celebs in the dos/don'ts .... it is LAME. it is tired. it is another indicator vice has gone to shit. they need to move back to canada. smoke some bc bud and come correct.




Subject: haters
Date: Aug 02 2004 07:27:05 PM
Author: sdsd

I just read some dos and donts from way way back and they weren't as good as these. I think becuase it's the only good shit out there we get dissapointed when we read them because its over. Like when the new Hate comic would come out you'd feel guilty reading it because youknew it would end soon. "Delicious deep fried lips and assholes"? That is about as funny as it gets.



Subject: fashion is dead, just like hip hop&punk
Date: Aug 01 2004 12:08:09 PM
Author: double.o.dyke.

i have to say i'm dissapointed in vice's fashion do's and don'ts. it was funny five years ago, but nowadays it's just weak. not a hater, just being honest.



Subject: this goes to frank drebin
Date: Jul 30 2004 06:56:02 PM
Author: yaya

i went to la guardia h.s



Subject: fred perry guy
Date: Jul 30 2004 04:25:06 PM
Author: shit head

ok whatever. so his shirt is old. he's still a greasy-haired douche with a red face. what the fuck? does he have rosacea? he reminds me of taking a big bad shit on a hot motherfucking day with no AC and the window painted shut.



Subject: bunch of haters
Date: Jul 30 2004 02:28:20 PM
Author: jesus h christ

THE LAST SEVERAL VICE ISSUES WERE FUCKING TIGHT, VICE IS AT THE TOP OF THEIR GAME....

THERE ARE SOME TRUE HATERS OUT THERE...DOES ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO THAN DROP HATE POSTINGS ON VICELAND.COM

WHAT A BUNCH OF RIGHT CUNTS YOU ALL ARE...

GO FUCK YOURSELVES..


SINCERELY.....THE BROOKLYN NATIVE



Subject: paki prudes
Date: Jul 30 2004 09:24:31 AM
Author: rhys

that's just racist; flashing a paki like that! if you are going to flash, at least have the balls to dress in traditional Hindi dress before revealing your fanny and splashing 'white' AIDs in his small, chocolate face.



Subject: corrosion
Date: Jul 30 2004 01:29:39 AM
Author: stiffler

take a good idea, beat it to death, never innovate, get tired, get really tired, never change. become the thing you hated. way to go vice. way to go.



Subject: why?
Date: Jul 26 2004 01:05:21 PM
Author: celebs shmelebs

do people always point out when there is a celeb in the dos or donts like they know something about them???
i think it's cool how vice always has famous people in there but never make any mention of who they are. they just crack on their clothes.



Subject: 7-11 stripping
Date: Jul 26 2004 01:00:05 PM
Author: wish i were there

that, my friends, is what is known as a funny funny funny situation.

look how stoked the young man behind the counter is!



Subject: Compensation
Date: Jul 26 2004 11:22:08 AM
Author: Oh So Hip

Don't worry, Gavin, no matter how much time you spend with Selma Blair, I'll never forget that you sat at home and argued with the pro-ana girls over their primary etiologies for probably a week. Yup. You wild, crazy, hipster, you.



Subject: What i think of vice / vice people
Date: Jul 23 2004 05:22:34 PM
Author: joey

Your are a bunch of proper cunts.
Look up the definition in an Australian dictionary if you’re unclear or live in the states where it’s used incorrectly.
Big props to ya, ya make feel normal. love the mag/ web site!!
So Fuck the bleeding hearts, the average cunt that needs to be aware/understanding, fuck group mentality fuck the sheep that follow.


ps Australian wing, how bout you give us a bit more local vice, or are you just set up to place the local adds in the aussie version ?





Subject: vice
Date: Jul 22 2004 09:19:12 AM
Author: soldout

fuk yeah. thats all i can say. vice is king and was born king.



Subject: wow
Date: Jul 21 2004 10:42:04 PM
Author: Still Laughing

Fuck I love this magazine. Every time I read it I get up off the floor and say wait a minute, why can't every other magazine be this funny? why is it so rare that things are this good?



Subject: www.viceland.com
Date: Jul 21 2004 09:12:18 PM
Author: Billy

This is the best freakin' laugh I have all month. Its a free mag out of Brooklyn, Vancouver, and London and the Do's/Don'ts section alone makes me have to go pee.

Hey dont worry about the picnic. But yeah, let's hang out next weekend. This time, you do the planning and I'll come along for the ride.

Snuggles,
Hilary



Subject: disneechick
Date: Jul 21 2004 03:29:56 AM
Author: scanz

disneychiczbeautfulneedtofindherandstockherandlivehapplyever
after.



Subject: Europe
Date: Jul 20 2004 11:56:01 PM
Author: person on tour

I am touring Europe and have been waiting and waiting for the don'ts to come and here they are. Thank god I just got to a computer. These things keep me alive. Why is it only once a month? I need to eat and sleep every few hours but I only get don'ts once a month? I just cried laughing. When's the next round?



Subject: ...
Date: Jul 20 2004 06:23:37 AM
Author: Sore Throat

the DOS are never funny. They are just there so that everytime idiots get their photos taken by strangers, the idiots can think: "I hope that photo was taken with the intention to send it to Vice's DOS section." Nothing wrong with keeping spirits up though, even though they are the spirits of devil spawns.



Subject: Selma and that guy
Date: Jul 19 2004 11:09:18 PM
Author: Queer-bo

Isn't that Frank Zappa's kid? The Michael Jackson guy I mean. I think they're married or something, sigh.



Subject: hey gemstone
Date: Jul 19 2004 07:05:04 PM
Author: frank drebin

if that's your real name, did you go to laguardia HS?



Subject: i still don't think it's the hole
Date: Jul 19 2004 03:59:15 PM
Author: frank drebin

i work there, and i'm pretty damn sure. ever see that place empty with the lights all on? besides not being a very pretty sight, i can't recall a single yellow location that people sit next to. maybe i'm just fucked up. i'll look again next time i'm working. if you say you were there...

i need to stop drinking so much.



Subject: You hit a new low.
Date: Jul 19 2004 01:27:40 PM
Author: Sad.

Wow. These are painful to look at. Wow.



Subject: The George Burns guy
Date: Jul 19 2004 12:51:46 PM
Author: Scoob

You know what? He couldn't be more right. Bush is the worlds first retarded president. Rich, yes, but still retarded.



Subject: the guy in the pink - selma blair
Date: Jul 19 2004 12:04:59 PM
Author: does not like pink guy in person

hey guy in the pink - i cannot believe they put you in here - so does that mean you will be even more high on yourself when you wander around Ludlow st every goddam night? yeah thats right, i said it.

selma - do not associate with this dork.



Subject: vice forum smarts
Date: Jul 18 2004 08:57:46 AM
Author: sjw

"costed a dollar". fuck . you suck.



Subject: yes
Date: Jul 17 2004 07:12:44 PM
Author: *gemstone

terribly sure thats the hole.
i was there that night.



Subject: missin' civilization
Date: Jul 16 2004 10:37:16 PM
Author: The Nizz'

so here i am... "stranded" in Banff Alberta (aka: lil' texas) and maaaaan VICE do's have never brought tears to my eyes before....but i'm kind of going insane...so, whatever. My point is this: BANFF is a PRIME spot for DONT's watching. EVERYONE is a don't here! even I have become a DONT. I actually bought FLIP FLOPS here.....that costed more than a dollar! What's next? A hemp necllace or perhaps some yellow tinted OAKLEY sunglasses. BOOOOSH!



Subject: selma blair
Date: Jul 16 2004 07:58:43 PM
Author: frank drebin

y'all sure that's the hole? i really don't think so.



Subject: Wow this one sucked too
Date: Jul 16 2004 03:43:15 PM
Author: Hairy Pooter's Prison Azzstabban

Since when did Wayne Brady start writing for Vice? Scratch that, I'm sure Wayne Brady's funnier than this kakapoopoo.



Subject: bloke
Date: Jul 16 2004 03:05:02 AM
Author: gordo minigleggi

that fred perry wearin mutherfucker is so queer!



Subject: titties
Date: Jul 16 2004 02:54:45 AM
Author: blake shmigeggi

seeing some chicks whip out their fucking tits in the middle off 7-11 is an unreal site.
kudos for capturing it on film.



Subject: whaaaaata??
Date: Jul 16 2004 02:54:34 AM
Author: buff

these dos are so unfunny. Like the worst iv ever seen.



Subject: faces
Date: Jul 16 2004 02:47:25 AM
Author: like you care

how can you diss anyone who is doing the most realistic impression of the Calvin & Hobbes, I just ate vomit and I think my mom queefed face?

she ought to be begging everyone to slap her on the back and make it stay.



Subject: yo
Date: Jul 15 2004 09:13:41 AM
Author: the truth

the scottish black guy is the biggest fuckin' DO ever. I wanna adopt him.



Subject: selma blair whateves
Date: Jul 14 2004 02:38:34 PM
Author: lee

am i the only one who thinks selma blair looks fucked up?!! what is up with that look on her mug. she tryin to look tuff but she ends up lookin' like a try-hard-over-paid-under-talented-celebrity-asshole. i thought vice was supposed to keep shit reeeaaal!?!?!



Subject: selma blair was at the hole
Date: Jul 14 2004 12:33:45 PM
Author: easing off the booze

with john waters and johnny knoxville
this is the second time a picture in the dos and donts was taken at the bar while i was there.
selma blair was very nice to me when i approached her like a drooling idiot.



Subject: shoe-tastic!
Date: Jul 14 2004 10:08:04 AM
Author: narf

the wallabees are super hott, but i'm holdin' out for winos with heels. now that's what i call progress.



Subject: Ya got that right...
Date: Jul 14 2004 10:31:59 AM
Author: Nathan B. Forrest

Hillbilly, Biker, Redneck power y'all. Two years from now Williamsburg hipsters will be daytripping to Pocono Speedway with rebel flags and rolls of Copenhagen snuff.



Subject: Pablo
Date: Jul 14 2004 09:26:03 AM
Author: Agent NY

Love it Love it Love it!!!! It is really sad when you have to shop at the 50% rack at Tokyo Joe's.



Subject: Rockin...
Date: Jul 14 2004 07:08:11 AM
Author: Black Girl

Definitely the best...

The George Burns bit-Priceless.



Subject: cowards
Date: Jul 13 2004 08:40:29 PM
Author: ow my dick

not that i care, i dont use these words with any frequency but durdy raises a point. the words you no longer allow are the three words that seem to grace the pages of the magazine every month. dont you think that maybe you should look into that first? maybe youll just do whatever you want cuz you think youre better than the people who read this magazine. but just out of curiosity who came up with this "solution"? could it have been a gay person or a black or female person?
its all fun and games until somebody says something about your people, then its uncool. however im sure that words like spick and cracker are still a-ok huh? yep i guess so.



Subject: vice fagz
Date: Jul 13 2004 08:26:58 PM
Author: durdy sanchez

so this is what it comes down to? now i have to find different words or spelling to use words like fagg0t and n1gger? oh vice you two-faced figgernaggots, can go have sex against you wills with a cactus. one of those extra quilly ones.



Subject: celebs
Date: Jul 13 2004 06:22:43 PM
Author: Dr

Yeah that's selma blair alright..and the guy with the pink jacket is probably ryan gosling, i bet



Subject: oh ma gad
Date: Jul 13 2004 05:12:20 PM
Author: ms. doo doo

ohmigod, ohmigod....do you know who that chick standing next to the guy in the mIchael Jackson jacket looks like? do you think it really could be? Selma Blair???



Subject: Girl next to dude with red jacket
Date: Jul 13 2004 05:04:34 PM
Author: Artois

Ain't that the girl from cruel intentions? shes hot



Subject: what up with that
Date: Jul 13 2004 04:38:55 PM
Author: lee

anyone notice the face on the chick standing next to the micheal-jackson-jacket-wearing dude? that's one fucked up white woman.



Subject: Where
Date: Jul 13 2004 02:54:39 PM
Author: no shame

is that bar? What is the name of that bar? If it's in Staten Island, I still might go there.



Subject: 7-11 Strip-a-Thon
Date: Jul 13 2004 02:29:49 PM
Author: Minou

This is like the real-life ending to Madonna’s “Music” video. Although it would be fun to imagine a rich bitch, loaded with Gucci bling par-taying it up in her limo avec all the hottie strippers … but this photo is a truer reenactment of what would actually happen.

Everyone would wind up peaking in the 7-11 and the methed’up strippers would start the show again.



Subject: harsh
Date: Jul 13 2004 01:29:04 PM
Author: Strong

man this was some harshness against the do's I would consider moving on to another drug dude.



Subject: terrible
Date: Jul 13 2004 12:45:46 PM
Author: lilly

they get worse every time.



Subject: prestings
Date: Jul 13 2004 10:58:26 AM
Author: doug

the javeline scholarship line was priceless.



Subject: sa
Date: Jul 13 2004 10:52:18 AM
Author: s

can't believe that Fred



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