Mafia
Platform: PS2, X Box, PC
Publisher: Illusion Softworks/Gathering
Genre: Action
Rating: MA15+

Sensible people with superannuation funds that encourage an early death are quick to dismiss the Mafia as a criminal organization. You'll hear them say things like "the Mafia is bad because they kill people and it's fucking with my property value", which is just a stupid middle class way of thinking about such things. The Mafia aren't really like that. It's not like they drop by the local Harvey Norman and demand protection money. These days the Mafia are more like the slightly dodgy uncle in the polyester shirt at your parent's barbeque who solves problems for people. To quote Ray Liotta's character in Goodfellas "They're a police force for people who can't go to the police".

Sure, you have the Russians who are all into pimping pregnant women because German businessmen will pay a premium for that kind of shit. Those guys are jerks. But the old school wops were basically into helping each other out because the Irish cops were racist and they were trying to tax the importation of tea or something.

And these days the Mafia are more like Tony Soprano anyway. They may have to shoot an uppity waiter now and again but they're just trying to keep everyone in line. Like when your mum sends you to "time out" because you threw your sister's bike out the window and it smashed the car. She's just keeping shit moving along. The Mafia is basically the same deal but timeout can be permanent if you keep throwing the fucking bike out the fucking window.

So basically the Mafia are just some guys who want to help you out and people should shut the fuck up and quit being such cock blockers. Sure, Tony the wop will fuck you up if you sit at his special table but at the end of the day it's about respect and how will you know not to sit there next time if he doesn't use some tough love.

Exactly the same thing in Mafia the game. How are people going to learn not to fuck with you unless you apply positive reinforcement techniques like blowing up their cars or shooting them? Anyway, they didn't have DNA testing in the 1930s so unless they catch you holding a smoking gun over a dead body wearing an ‘I shot J.R.' shirt you don't have to sweat it. Oh, and the car races are awesome.

MIKOLAJ NAPIERLAKI