I was waiting for my girlfriend to finish thrift shopping at Aardvark's in Venice Beach when I noticed a really attractive black girl sitting on the boardwalk with an ice pack on her head. As I walked up to see what was going on another girl walked out holding her eye. I stood staring at them until an enormous man asked me if I wanted to see a fight. He was wearing a sandwich board that said, "Extreme Chick Fighting. Winner Gets $200." After calling my girlfriend on her cell and explaining I'd be gone for a bit, I was directed down an alley to a cement room that had two gigantic steel doors. Inside there were about 50 people watching girls kick the LIVING SHIT out of each other. I tracked down the organizer by pretending I was a real journalist and she (I forgot to get her name—sorry) was happy to talk to me.

"We doin' this shit all over the world," she said, as the fight continued in the background. "Chicago, New York, Jersey, and L.A." Then she went on to tell me a bunch of bullshit about how women are pissed off and sick of being told they can't do things like fight and be tough. She tried to make it sound like some kind of empowerment deal, but all I saw was some really poor people hoping to make $200. Despite not agreeing with anything she said, we were invited to South Central a week later to watch "the fight of the century."

As we drove down the streets of Compton, I had a turd in my pants the size of a basketball. I don't care if I'm brainwashed by Boyz N the Hood and N.W.A—that place is scary. When we came to the address, I backed down the road in reverse so I could make a quick getaway. The fight was in the backyard of an old lady's house, and she didn't give a shit. She was wasted out of her mind and entertaining a lot of other old people, also wasted out of their minds. The organizer met me at the entrance to the backyard and told me all the rules. "This shit is totally legit," she said without being asked. "It's on private property and I got a doctor and a nurse in case there's any problems." I asked her if I could meet any of the fighters, and she introduced me to Chyna (pictured here). "I been shot and stabbed," Chyna said, shrugging her shoulders. "I even had acid poured on me by my ex-boyfriend. I ain't scared of a fight. This ain't shit."

Chyna then went into the ring and instantly had her nose broken. Her opponent got $200. Chyna didn't get shit. What'shername got to film the fight so she could sell it on extremechickfights.com. And I got the fuck out of there.

BOB RICHARDS