I decided to pick a random stranger and stalk the shit out of him. Just for kicks. Here’s what happened...

DAY ONE
I didn’t want to stalk a friend of a friend. I needed to find some jock in a shitty bar. Me and my best friend headed out to the lame part of Montreal, to a bar you normally couldn’t pay me to enter. There I saw my guy: blond-ish hair, ripped-up jeans, and a slick pair of shiny boots. Ew. My friend took off so I could be in complete control of the situation.

I pulled a chair up next to him, introduced myself, and bought him an incredible amount of drinks. Then I started telling him how wet he made me. He agreed to take me home with him. We had some pretty hardcore dark-alley oral sex, which actually ruled. You know when you take a piss in the shower? It felt THAT good. His tongue was as soft as a newborn lamb’s coat.

Then we got to his place and he gave me the most pedestrian pounding I have ever had. Yawn.

After he fell asleep, I took down all the phone numbers in his cell while hiding in the bathroom. Mom, Dad, Susan, Rita, Jeff, and some guy named “Coke Delivery.” Real subtle, dude.

I went back to bed with him and murmured “I love you.” He moved away from me. Everything was working as planned. He was getting stalked.


DAY TWO
I woke up fairly early, but he was already up and claiming he had to go to work. I started hugging him and telling him that I had the best night of my life, and he just kind of stood there. I asked him for his phone number, and he said he didn’t know what it was since he had just moved in. I knew it was a lie, but I said, “Fine, I’ll just stop by sometime and we can hang out. I’d love to hang out with you, and I need more of this.” Whereupon I tapped on his junk. He didn’t say a word, but I could tell he was frightened. I also already had his phone number, stolen from his phone.

That night I showed up at his house piss-drunk at 4 AM with lipstick all over my face, and rang the doorbell six times. His roommate answered, and I ran in, jumped on my guy’s bed, and started screaming, “TAKE ME, FUCK ME.”

It was beautiful. He was almost crying from the stupefaction and he told me to leave. I begged him to come and sit on the porch with me to talk. I gave him a letter I wrote him along with several Polaroids. The letter is full of pyscho shit and it’s half in French. That makes it even creepier somehow. Dude couldn’t even speak. He was just like, “Please leave, you’re fucking insane.” I’m pretty proud, so this was the most awkward moment of my life, because I had to play it like a crazy whore with zero self-esteem. I kept telling him we were made for each other and that I wasn’t able to take a shower since his scent was all over my body. He yelled at me, told me to leave again, and I ran into the house and hid under the covers in his bed, crying at top volume. His roommate came into the room and told me to leave. I could tell they felt awful for me. So I finally left, sobbing.

Once I got home, I laughed so hard I thought my head was going to fucking explode. I called him five more times (my number’s blocked), leaving messages every time, that night. He doesn’t know my full name, my address, or my phone number, so I don’t think I can get in trouble. But I planned on fucking with him even more. Being a stalker is hard work, and I can’t believe people can do this in earnest. It’s exhausting. Every night during this experiment I slept like a log.

I decided that the next night, I would call his mom.


DAY THREE
Me: Hello, is this [name withheld, a.k.a X]’s mom? I’m your son’s new lover. How are you?
Mom [after 20 full seconds of complete silence]: I’m fine...

Listen, bitch, you’re going to let him know that he better call me back or I’m gonna start with you for my new fireplace ornament. Get it?
Who are you?

A friend.

I thought I was going to puke for several hours after that call. I had never threatened anyone before that, and it felt awful. Now I know how Courtney Love feels.


DAY FOUR
I was sort of running out of ideas, so I decided to show up at his work wearing a T-shirt I had stolen from his house the first night we met. I actually looked kind of sexy in it, so I slapped myself in the face a few times to make sure I looked like I was on crack.

X’s work was very close to my house, so I could actually take breaks from stalking him, come back home, have a coffee, watch the end of Desperately Seeking Susan, and get back on duty. I walked in front of the main window and waved for like an hour, then came in and waited for him to get off work.

His coworkers told me he didn’t want to see me and that I had to leave. I started yelling, “I LOVE HIM, I’M PREGNANT WITH HIS BABY, PLEASE LET ME TOUCH HIM, PLEASE LET ME TALK TO HIM.” Shit like that. He probably escaped through the back exit, because several minutes after they locked the front doors, my lover wasn’t coming out.

I went home, cried, and tried to slash my wrists open. OK, no I didn’t. Remember, I’m not really nuts. But I did take a shower and masturbate the fuck out of the shower pole.

DAY FIVE
I fell asleep after an intense night of drinking, only to be awoken by the ringing phone. It’s X yelling at me, telling me he knows where I live and that if I don’t stop harassing him, he’ll call the cops. I just told him I loved him and hung up. Too tired to deal with him right now.

I wish I could have stalked him more, just for pure fun, but he called the cops. I was away for about three days, and once I got back to Montreal, my roommates announced to me that the cops had been to the house and asked to “discuss” something with me. I don’t want to end up in jail or with a restraining order, so I called it quits.

Stalking is a real energy-sucker! I had no life for almost a week, spending all my time trying to get to this guy. You have to be completely insane to be a stalker. If anything, this experience has proven to me that I am not as crazy as I thought I was. Compared to the average stalker, I’m a pretty normal girl. Who knew?

MARY SECRET MYSTERYPANTS

COMMENTS

Date: Apr 18 2008 04:04:13 AM Author: hbNCrJHQza fo033.txt;2;5 Date: Apr 18 2008 04:03:15 AM Author: kuHYwBHIRw fo033.txt;2;5 Subject: You call that stalking? Date: Mar 14 2008 11:19:47 PM Author: noodlepops Jeez! I thought stalking someone was following/tracing them without their knowledge? If that's the case I've done a lot damn worse (without the random fucking) and for a bloody good reason too? Social experiment? I suspect this is wishfull fantasizing on the part of a 15 year old. Am I too old, but WHY? Pointless. Subject: People actually talk like that? Date: Oct 28 2007 03:50:04 PM Author: Winston I never actually thought taht people would talk like complete douchebags with that whole, "holier than thou" undertones. Fuck, this article would be semi-readable, if the author would talk like she was a stereotypical hipster trash. Its fucking sad. YOu can almost taste the "I'm to cool for myself" attitude. A pedestrian pounding? what do you think its cool to have to contradicting words side by side? Real fucking awesome! I bet you expect kids to just post comments like DUDE! This Is Totally BROOTUHL! Subject: sweet! Date: Oct 27 2007 03:21:57 PM Author: dopplerganger666 this made my day. Subject: Lazy "Stalker" Date: Oct 27 2007 10:37:10 AM Author: Scrooge McDuck I'm echoing the sentiment that she didn't take the "stalking" part far enough. She really jumped the gun by just fucking him right off the bat and then immediately taking the psycho into over-drive. She should have tried harder to SEEM normal when she was with him, to get him to screw her more than once, and do all kinds of secret stalkey shit, following him from afar. Leaving lots of secret notes and stuff. Don't make it so easy on the guy to just go "Oh shit." After less than 24 hours. Weak. Subject: first time read Date: Oct 26 2007 10:05:06 PM Author: really? did you just comment that this article was olddd???...did you notice the words "from the archive"?...at least you read it again. And as a sociological experiment it is interesting, *she now knows what it is like to be a stalker...should we all do this?- no. should we respect others that have gone through the experiment- yes Subject: us hipsters Date: Oct 25 2007 09:25:43 PM Author: vegan scum fucking rock. i love reading an article i hate so i can hate some more, then post my hatred. what a waste. Subject: stalking is lame... Date: Oct 25 2007 01:18:39 PM Author: especialy the second time this article is oldddddddd. way to rock the reruns vice. didnt you have any cokeheads lying around to write you some shitty filler? Subject: "pretending" to stalk someone Date: Oct 25 2007 11:43:05 AM Author: madHatter ya, um... great story about "pretending" to stalk someone. Subject: This probably didn't happen Date: Oct 25 2007 08:53:47 AM Author: scudderbug Imagine if this was a guy doing this to a girl, not so funny then eh? Subject: Cockstain. Date: Oct 25 2007 12:04:00 AM Author: Slutz4lyfe Wow. Biznatch. You ruined all hope that I had left in humanity. It wasn't much, mind you. But, Fuck-damn. You win. Not in life, but in the who can have the worst, "I got hepatitis in the most obscene way, and truly am a skank-bag for living a re-damn-diculous life" award kind-of-way... Congratulations. - Subject: sucky Date: Oct 24 2007 12:01:19 AM Author: You suck "Me and my best friend headed out to the lame part of Montreal, to a bar you normally couldn’t pay me to enter." Im sure theres lots of things anyone could pay you to do.... Subject: /// Date: Oct 23 2007 11:21:23 PM Author: .. now i know to lock my phone after ballin' some strange chick Subject: nicely done. Date: Oct 23 2007 10:16:44 PM Author: sapzy mcgee haahaha. i actually have had that kind of shit pulled on me before by a straight up batshit psycho bitch... this was pretty accurate. Subject: slut machine Date: Oct 23 2007 04:27:19 PM Author: Matt this has Tracie Egan written all over it. check out "One R@pe Please" Subject: Stalkin' Date: Oct 23 2007 03:47:51 PM Author: LeeRoy the WHITE Boy I gives a shit if this was real or not. i think it was retard funny. i say do it again with some other ass hole. i might try it too. it sounds like fun. i bet the looks on the guys face were priceless. Subject: Ha. Date: Oct 23 2007 03:23:23 PM Author: Breanna I love the pretentious pieces of shit that go on this website for the fad. Get over yourself. The articles are rad, and you know it. Just get over yourself, you are not better. Subject: Date: Oct 23 2007 02:26:57 PM Author: if a guy did this he'd go to jail. Subject: pretty good...girl Date: Oct 23 2007 12:03:47 PM Author: stateofunitedpeople@yahoo.co.uk hahaha...fun like running in heaven where do u find tis bloody idea.. great story..haha nice one...cheers Subject: Verdict Date: Oct 23 2007 11:50:36 AM Author: Judge Jury Fiction Subject: Don't let police stop you Date: Oct 23 2007 09:21:31 AM Author: Cock Scissors This is so lame -because you didn't take it far enough. Stalking IS hard work -you've got to prove it by not giving in when the pigs come squealing. Subject: Stupid c unt Date: Oct 23 2007 08:25:58 AM Author: M I hope you die. You're a retarded fucking wh ore, drown in semen or lick an electrical socket, or go have some tasty toast in the bath. Subject: shit Date: Oct 23 2007 06:52:14 AM Author: AKA that article was the biggest pile of shit to cross my eyes this week. Subject: creative and classy Date: Oct 22 2007 11:05:00 PM Author: I'll Fuck Your Face Wow, you're like Bam Margera with a cunt. Subject: this would be good Date: Oct 22 2007 06:55:41 PM Author: Mao if it wasnt so fucking dull Subject: haha America Date: Oct 22 2007 06:45:08 PM Author: steven davidson stupid American Subject: zzzzz Date: Oct 22 2007 05:32:06 PM Author: jay dee drowning in a sea of indiependence Subject: shower pole? Date: Oct 22 2007 02:28:48 PM Author: blakkstarr sorry I'm American, wtf is a shower pole. Its hard to enjoy the fact that you told us you " masterbated the fuck " out of it if i dont know what it is.. Subject: word Date: Oct 22 2007 12:27:23 PM Author: you i agree, this just sounds more like super clingy psycho-bitch activity than actual "stalking" however it was entertaining to read. Subject: cain Date: Oct 22 2007 12:26:08 PM Author: pete I would have fucked her proper for at least 3 more days even if she was that crazy... Subject: opinion Date: Oct 22 2007 08:11:00 AM Author: minikin why i feel the need to post my opinion on here is beyond me. hmmm....this isnt stalking, stalking involves following someone without them knowing generally...much more voyeuristic. although im not criticising her for doing this because why the fuck not do it, its better htan doing fuck all like most people, i do think that to say it was an experiment or to try to give it some kind of intellectualisation is bullshit. there was no real point to this, i learnt nothing and the outcomes were very predicable. apart form judging someone for how they look being pretty sad (but we all do that anyway t Subject: opinion Date: Oct 22 2007 08:09:58 AM Author: minikin why i feel the need to post my opinion on here is beyond me. hmmm....this isnt stalking, stalking involves following someone without them knowing generally...much more voyeuristic. although im not criticising her for doing this because why the fuck not do it, its better htan doing fuck all like most people, i do think that to say it was an experiment or to try to give it some kind of intellectualisation is bullshit. there was no real point to this, i learnt nothing and the outcomes were very predicable. apart form judging someone for how they look being pretty sad (but we all do that anyway t Subject: wtf Date: Jul 16 2007 11:01:59 AM Author: Sariel To even play a game like this is insane, I would've been freaked out and would've killed your ass. With the "get them before they get you attitude". Subject: bike ride Date: May 27 2007 11:14:58 PM Author: marie yes. Subject: you cant Date: May 15 2007 03:36:02 PM Author: touch this MARY SECRET MYSTERYPANTS, if you're reading this, would you like to go for a ride on my bike with me sometime? Subject: Ah, signs of changing times... Date: Apr 02 2007 01:31:35 PM Author: Yogizilla Man, what a world we live in when we can all beat each other up over what was simply an attempt to get some attention. Truth does not matter here. This is an urban legend and, any publicity it generates, negative or positive, accomplishes the end that was originally intended. I actually don't find this very shocking since I've known some "interesting" people in my time. I'm surprised we don't see more of this type of thing these days. There is no doubt that this writer has a cruel sense of humor but I think people are over-analyzing this. I really doubt this individual was really looking to show off his/her writing excellence.. LOL.. Come on, folks, let's judge everything in it's context. This is toilet humor at best so let's not compare it to worthwhile experiments, market research, or anything of the sort. Heck, I think "Smash My PS3" was much, much more of a social experiment than this and even that stands to question... =oP Subject: Stalkin' Date: Mar 14 2007 03:30:08 AM Author: A man Hm. This sort of makes me want to be stalked. Very seldomly do women call me after I wake up at their house. Subject: be until you are Date: Feb 13 2007 05:13:16 PM Author: ghb "I had to play it like a crazy whore with zero self-esteem" No kidding! What was that like? Subject: Thank god someone has a brain. Date: Jan 30 2007 10:53:55 AM Author: Greedom CWM, I commend you. I was thinking that the entire way through. This is garbage. Subject: Amazing. Date: Jan 30 2007 03:56:47 AM Author: Chell. This is fucking amazing, i've gotten the urge to do this. It's a shame I don't have the guts too. Well done. Subject: stating the obvious Date: Jan 29 2007 11:51:03 PM Author: cwm The girl isn\\\'t brave. Nothing bad would happen to her, no more than a slap on the wrist by the cops. She wasn\\\'t smart, she obviously got caught after 5 days. She didn\\\'t stalk, she harassed. She didn\\\'t really have any upper hand, she just bought entry with sex. She isn\\\'t a good writer, she\\\'s borderline mediocre. She isn\\\'t in the right because she doesn\\\'t know what kind of life he leads. She\\\'s an idiot for stalking somone who lives close to her. I\\\'m not entirely sure what you people were inspired by, but I played better pranks (yes, that is all this amounts to, a prank) than this in middle school. This wasn\\\'t even a social experiment. All you did was piss off one person for about 4 days, ruined his week, and probably made him give less a shit about the girls he meets. Much like he used you mutually. He got sex and lost peace of mind, you made an article and lost dignity, virtual or no. She isn\\\'t a journalist because no one really gives a fuck in the end. What you are is an entertainer. A petty one as is obvious by the range of people that enjoyed it. Most seem too young to even enter a bar. The moral and ethical dilemmas are self evident. Subject: Wow... my new hero. Date: Jan 29 2007 11:50:53 PM Author: James I do not know you, yet you are my hero. I adored the articlde and the experiment. Funny thing, i read the whole article thinking you where a guy. Well, i live on the south shore and i go to montreal late often. Your artice has now persuaded me to never ever meet anyone downtown. Fuck that shit. Congratz! james Subject: You can stalk me any time Date: Jan 22 2007 02:30:26 AM Author: gimmeganja Fugsvans that was Captain Kirk, and he actually gave some pretty decent head then. The lady in the story could stalk me anytime if she blows me in dark alleys. I'm not going down myself though, thats disgusting. Subject: great imaginary story Date: Jan 22 2007 01:24:49 AM Author: satria-indon it's cool to ruin a guy's life, especially those who fuck a girl just for one night stand.. but i think cop's stories are more interesting.. Subject: stalking Date: Jan 21 2007 10:15:35 PM Author: New Hampshire either this is totally made up or she's the actual crazy bitch she's 'pretending' to be. Subject: stalkling Date: Jan 21 2007 05:25:00 PM Author: fugsvans gajadada I also read on the internet, that Peter Jackson researched his magic hobbit movies dressed up as Captain Spock at the Wellington Star Trek fanclub, giving blow jobs at the urinator. Stalking is cool! Subject: this is tight Date: Jan 21 2007 05:15:33 PM Author: yeah i want to stalk the girl who wrote this. Subject: is this what "art" has come to? Date: Jan 21 2007 04:57:23 PM Author: ick even if it's fake, it's stupid and sophomoric. what a stupid person. Subject: stakling Date: Jan 21 2007 04:48:40 PM Author: gajadada Stalking is totally the big thing lately. I have heard that there are secret societies of stalkers, who get together and do their thing. I have also read on the internet that also several celebrities are into stalking. For example Mel Gibson has been totally into stalking. He actually got the ideas for his lame ethnic aboriginal movies while stalking mexicans chasing goats somewhere in the outskirts of california. Subject: haha Date: Jan 21 2007 04:05:40 PM Author: vans that was hilarious!haha nice writing very original and fucked up..some missing parts but i guess who ever wrote this intended it to be this way Subject: validity Date: Jan 21 2007 03:22:21 AM Author: Joachim It doesn't matter if its true or not. Subject: hahahaha Date: Jan 20 2007 03:11:15 AM Author: swedish i love that many people are stupid enough to believe this shit. Subject: Jawsome Date: Jan 20 2007 12:26:52 AM Author: Rob Zero Except for the fact you had to sleep with the hosebag, that kind of puts you in whore territory. Nevertheless, this article gives me spunk for my emofiltration project. Subject: mqbhiyny Date: Jan 19 2007 07:55:51 PM Author: mqbhiyny <a href="http://sbofolyh.com">emxvyggs</a> kjpucisa http://vryivgky.com xqiuymcf ipcspbov [URL=http://snvefsty.com]cvwwsjlw[/URL] Subject: Ethical Question Date: Jan 19 2007 05:49:54 PM Author: Joe You're a serious meanie. But that's ok because your victim was a "jock" right? Subject: wtf Date: Jan 19 2007 04:59:55 AM Author: noodles that was soo cool i wanna try it on some1 mayb wen im not 14... Subject: stalking Date: Jan 18 2007 03:36:53 PM Author: cola these are the types of relationships that I literally strive to be involved in..the more scitzo the better. Subject: . Date: Jan 18 2007 03:01:07 PM Author: . This is true: My friend responded to an ad on craigslist soliciting a female in her early 20's to do "investigations." The man who placed the ad was a late 30-ish manhattanite "professional" type. A few days prior he had seen a woman at Barnes and Noble, and his eyes met hers, and they "had a moment." He followed her home and got her address. He paid my friend $25 an hour, *minimum* eight hours a day for two weeks to follow this woman everywhere she went. Her assignment was to record restaurants she liked, clothing stores she patronized, books she read... he asked her to get close enough to try and detect what kind of music she listened to on her headphones, if possible, without getting caught. After a couple weeks my friend got scared she was going to catch some kind of case when the gaytard whack job finally consummated whatever depraved plan he was nurturing, so she stopped returning his calls. Subject: steel Date: Jan 18 2007 12:45:05 PM Author: copper "He doesn’t know my full name, my address, or my phone number, so I don’t think I can get in trouble." How did the cops make it to your house then? Looks like someone's stalked the stalker..er..I dont know if people missed that bit. But who cares, I liked it anyway. Subject: StoryBS Date: Jan 18 2007 09:32:09 AM Author: ThatStory Blew What a good, imaginary story you told. Too bad it never really happened, although I do think you are psycho for having dreamt this all up, put it on paper and tried to pass it off as real. Subject: THIS ARTICAL IS F A K E !!!! Date: Jan 18 2007 07:05:22 AM Author: Colateral First of all, a dude wrote this. Second of all, if you got off on this, you are gay (since it was writen by a guy. THIRD... If this actually is real, it is just mean. Ptfffff Subject: fuckjoke Date: Jan 17 2007 09:05:36 PM Author: juan gonzalez look, convince him that you are part of the mafioso and if he leaves you he might loose his legs, just plan on telling him the truth in the end but play it out and do a Round numero 2 for kicks, Subject: amazing Date: Jan 17 2007 12:39:53 PM Author: justine hilarious i hurt from laughing. the shit with his mom omg unreal. Subject: Made up shit Date: Jan 17 2007 11:11:54 AM Author: Kamikaze This shit is so made up. Next week will be a Vice magazine on how a Mary Secret Mysterypants gets plugged by a Martian will ten dicks.... Subject: you are boring and shit Date: Jan 17 2007 08:41:52 AM Author: Paul Its this kinda shit that makes vice so hit and miss. What a load of my arse this is, proper shit. Subject: power to you Date: Jan 16 2007 09:40:13 PM Author: shaunathin although fucking him only for better stalker leverage was low... you fucking rock. normal life is boreing, social experiments make it better. Subject: fucking bitch Date: Jan 16 2007 08:50:58 PM Author: ........................................ If you thought you were being funny, you were dead fucking wrong honey. this is the stupidest shit i've ever read. and messing with his mom? that is fucking low. You are a shitty person. i would be ashamed to know you. Subject: beeitch Date: Jan 16 2007 04:40:25 PM Author: damn You don't have to be such a cunt. Thinking you're all whitty and all for doing this. Just because someone has poor taste in clothes and seems less 'hip' than you doesnt mean you should pick on him you suckubus. lesbo Subject: Original Date: Jan 16 2007 03:01:31 PM Author: Deja Vu? I've read this exact piece somewhere else. Can anyone tell me where or am I making this up? Subject: HAHAha Date: Jan 16 2007 01:08:56 PM Author: micheal jackson the people that have commented on you as being a slut etc are obviously boring and probably very similar to the people who appear in the dont's. i thought this was well funny! Subject: also Date: Jan 16 2007 10:59:48 AM Author: Asdf "You feel like drugs" LMAO Subject: Your trick Date: Jan 16 2007 10:55:22 AM Author: Lesbian Feminist That was mean. Subject: class act Date: Jan 16 2007 09:44:47 AM Author: jebs so you wanted to fuck a guy who you just met and thought, hey, so no one's the wiser to my whorish ways, I'll say it's to stalk him. Subject: Heh heh heh... Date: Jan 16 2007 09:15:53 AM Author: Euro Trash Kid Class article, fair play to you Mary. Now tell us more about masturbatin' "the fuck out of the shower pole". Subject: boo~ Date: Jan 16 2007 09:05:59 AM Author: Will being someone you arn't generally sucks the energy out of you. stalker or not. Subject: haha Date: Jan 16 2007 08:54:12 AM Author: Asdf That was hilarious. One night stands are gross. That guy's a tactless douche bag and he deserved it. Subject: Go Away Date: Jan 16 2007 08:15:27 AM Author: Tanz She is no problem that a hard right cross could not fix. Subject: stalking Date: Jan 16 2007 02:09:55 AM Author: Ponce will hipsterdom (dumb) actually die out one day soon? and when it does, what will the people at vice do? what will they do with their gold false teeth? or their sagging tatoos? I guess I was sorta guilty myself for a minute then I read this thing on stalking and went gulp. Subject: asdf Date: Jan 16 2007 12:50:41 AM Author: asdf Reminds me of Annabel Chong - being a slut under some feminist guise and failing to convince anybody. Fuck you. No, really. Subject: my hero Date: Jan 15 2007 10:56:32 PM Author: roxi i'm going out... to stalk... lenny and carl Subject: um Date: Jan 15 2007 09:14:16 PM Author: woot doesn't stalking involve NOT letting the person know you are watching them?? Subject: stalking Date: Jan 15 2007 07:31:14 PM Author: miles Alright, so you fake stalked a dude and threatened his mother and of course he was repulsed and tried to avoid you at all cost, eventually resorting to calling the cops. It's a joke with no punchline, because in the end everyone thinks you're a loose jawed hussie but yourself, and anyway pretending to stalk someone in a fit of rampant sadism is seemingly more deranged than actually doing it. You should fake kidnap some school child next time and make ransom calls to their home and tell their parents all the perverse things you are doing to their bodily orifices. That would be a hoot, and it would prove your sanity because, really, who would seriously do that? Subject: . Date: Jan 15 2007 06:16:06 PM Author: . faaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaake Subject: .. Date: Jan 15 2007 05:48:11 PM Author: lisa ow, that was beautiful. awful but yeah. Subject: mary Date: Jan 15 2007 05:27:54 PM Author: jee Mary some day something really horrible will happen to you - then your morose sense of humour will collapse and you might develop some empathy. I hope you have not managed to contaminate too many people with your inane antics before this happens. Your fans are real losers. Pathetic. 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Especially when they know they're being watched and they get all awkward. Subject: ... Date: Apr 27 2006 04:54:09 PM Author: coffesss@hotmail.com You're scary... Btw, not so convinced that the idé of the article came before the proceding of the stalking. My firm belif is that the article is merly a desperate attempt to wesle yourself out of a very embarrassing situation and a very unfortunate police rapport... nice try Stalkerino Subject: you are fucking incredible Date: Apr 19 2006 03:40:28 AM Author: hotromance Oh shutup 'Joe' You know you loved it. Best fucking article ever. I cant believe you actually did that....poor guy probably deserved it hahahahaha Subject: ur meh heeero(ine) Date: Apr 01 2006 02:23:18 PM Author: Sluticia "FLaVa" McWhore Oh god, please let me grow up and be like you. Subject: dude Date: Mar 21 2006 05:36:03 PM Author: FUCKIN HELL lol thats fuckin crazy if i was him a wud jus go along wiv it and get more sex out of ya but thats me lol Subject: loves it Date: Mar 12 2006 01:26:55 PM Author: 3KGK'ZO this article is the best ever Subject: . Date: Mar 10 2006 11:33:57 PM Author: your mom you're so cool. poor courtney love Subject: So proud Date: Mar 10 2006 10:59:52 PM Author: Zee I bet your mom and dad are proud of ya! Congratulations! Subject: HO Date: Mar 10 2006 10:53:46 PM Author: ZEE So your a Ho big F'n deal. Subject: hahahahaha Date: Feb 26 2006 03:50:19 PM Author: allwedoislaugh damn that's hot. Subject: OMG U RULE Date: Feb 24 2006 04:17:21 AM Author: Misha This article has come up in general conversation over and over and over again...When I read it for the first time I laughed my fucking head off... and proceeded to (try to) read it to my flatmate (practically pissing myself) fucking love ur work Subject: Disgust Date: Feb 17 2006 03:41:39 PM Author: whorified What the fuck! I don't care that this woman fucked some stranger. Wow! I haven't felt this liberated since woman got the vote. I really fucking care that this woman threatened some poor woman for the sake of an article. For the fucking sake of making people laugh and think "oh how clever," "what a cool woman." LAME! Subject: Suck Date: Feb 10 2006 05:33:27 AM Author: My Balls Subject: wow Date: Feb 09 2006 07:20:57 PM Author: deep wow lady you extreme you actually had sex with a random guy?! WOW! you badass!!!! Subject: zs Date: Feb 08 2006 06:43:57 AM Author: Joe Gaaaasp. If you only could write something that you ACTUALLY had experienced it might had been funny. You´re just old and desperatly trying to fit into vicejugend not rfealising that this magazine is nothing more than a channel for big companys pushing youthmaterials with independent names. Vice is just like a gap-magazine or the McDonald-tray-paper.. Subject: Let's talk business. Date: Jan 25 2006 05:34:08 PM Author: redsquirrel Leo Fitzpatrick is still hot! Leo, where are you? You so fine...you so cute. :-) Subject: What? Date: Jan 23 2006 05:14:20 PM Author: Alex I think there are many things wrong with this experimant, not least of all the fact that you bobbed a guy to see if you could take it further! Anyways I'm guessing you're a Yank as you are all fat freaks in the eyes of the Scots. If you don't know who the Scots are then it confirms the common opinon throughout the world that you are collectively retarded. Subject: Date: Jan 22 2006 04:03:39 PM Author: m to da t "You know when you take a piss in the shower? It felt THAT good." It's like... This article made my day. You're my hero. Subject: you are god Date: Jan 17 2006 03:19:32 PM Author: amber i would like to bow to you... as you have more balls than anyone i have ever met. Subject: ... Date: Jan 10 2006 01:36:33 PM Author: Hellen So funny. I want to have you Mary Secret Mysterypants as my friend. Well, overall I do need friends... Subject: ha,ha Date: Jan 08 2006 05:31:24 AM Author: teresa Oh my God!!!! I read this articale during a boring french class. I almost laught my pants off. Afterwards, I passed it around to my friends. They had the same reaction as me...ha,ha Soooo fucking good!!! Subject: RAD Date: Jan 05 2006 06:22:46 PM Author: le durp Fuck yeah that was a good read and almost to close to the truth... im male and i wanna try the same thing, on a lady.. im so sure there would be a different outcome could be funny or very dangerous.... i guess i'll have to find out i'll send a story in if its good enough. stay gay! Subject: well done! Date: Jan 05 2006 01:21:41 PM Author: bob Fantastic reading! Very entertaining. Look forward to more revelations! Subject: Useless Date: Jan 04 2006 05:40:52 AM Author: xavier What's the fucking point ? Pretending to have an interesting life ? It works, you pretend very well. Run and play, run and play, run and play. Subject: I need to know ! Date: Jan 03 2006 02:14:52 PM Author: Kate Bush Where's the bar you went to ? I bet 20$ on the Bacci on St-Denis street. Or the Dome. Subject: i'm in love Date: Jan 02 2006 05:56:23 AM Author: gaga you are my new idol! Subject: Koolest Shit Ever! Date: Jan 01 2006 11:49:45 PM Author: Hippie Killer You were named "Stalker of the year" by a friend of mine and I just had to read the article. It's fucking ace! Subject: fuck my eyes and call me jimbo Date: Jan 01 2006 07:01:09 PM Author: kaizer this is the real eye candy everybody is talking about. not a fucking chick in thight ass clothss at work teasing you day in and day out with her sexy walk and sweet red cock sucking lips, asking for help all the time. no sir, this artical right here is the real eye candy. woman, briliant, fucking briliant! Subject: nasty Date: Dec 30 2005 03:56:16 PM Author: yelllo!! yeah this is like a bulletin to her friends that made fun of her all last year that she got pissed drunk and fucked some half-homo jock with a cowboyhat and a pair of Oakleys... Subject: sure Date: Dec 30 2005 03:55:49 PM Author: wtf? you know what...chances are this happened but it really did happen, and this lovely lil fuck is making amends in her article tackling her multiple personality...like the guy just called after he read this and lefte her a message like "suuure Stacey "an article"...rightt..." Save face why don't ya crazy lady. Subject: stalking Date: Dec 29 2005 05:44:11 PM Author: twain if you seriously fucked some guy for an experiment, you are the coolest whore I would never have sex with in my life. Subject: love Date: Dec 28 2005 08:06:42 PM Author: X this is me! the guy you stalked, i guess i was frightened, i'd never felt so strongly so quickly, but i love you too! let's make a go of it, you crazy sexy unhinged little minx! Subject: hmm Date: Dec 27 2005 11:56:38 PM Author: Ane you are obviously bored,I am sure there are other things you could do and at least productive.Use your head in a positive way,this is a waste of time...and by the way...respect yourself Subject: wow Date: Dec 27 2005 03:58:43 PM Author: Woeizme very ballsy. i admire it. Subject: vice Date: Dec 24 2005 09:49:38 AM Author: fightingnewfoundlander I still love you Subject: Real Writing! Date: Dec 23 2005 07:21:21 AM Author: Chappy This type of article is the saviour of magazines. put yourself in a weird situation, do a social experiment, DONT TAKE THINGS TOO SERIOUSLY. to be honest, i didn't find the piece funny haha as such, just compelling. like when people slow down to stare at a car crash. but when people think and say things like 'anybody could have done this', then fucking go and do it, and then write about it. before that, shut your hole. it seems to me some people only come on here to moan about the articles. why? if you hate it so much, go read fucking cosmo. this article ruled. Subject: kisses. Date: Dec 22 2005 09:21:19 PM Author: not important i love this girl. Subject: Know thineself Date: Dec 22 2005 08:54:03 PM Author: Impressed, even scared I am so impressed by the construction of this story and by the orchestration of the blog. You undersatnd this media so very well. Your head contains a wonderfully descriptive imagination and a fantastically devious motive. People read what you write and presumptively believe, assuming everything you write to be a true respresentation of a real event - obviously both huge assumptions. I, on the other hand, assume you created the whole fantasy and did a great job - I love it. What are you planning to do with all the comments you don't want to present - they will be of enormous value as well I think....by the way are you going to get your name put up for any literary prizes? You should, this is story telling at its very best - cool Subject: kate Date: Dec 22 2005 03:24:26 PM Author: da How to lose a guy in ten days... extreme! Subject: Reactions Date: Dec 22 2005 02:23:02 PM Author: Marlboro man The article was great, but even better was the diverse reactions posted here, What the fuck! why did so many people get so disgusted? Subject: sick!! Date: Dec 22 2005 12:09:24 PM Author: bitch You sick bitch!! Subject: stalking Date: Dec 21 2005 06:56:46 PM Author: d-stizz umm, you went as for as "hot oral" with your "stalk-ee"? you are making excuses to cover up your complete and utter socio-mental retardation. i WAS however entertained, that you really believe that this ruse is actually planned on your side, and not a complete psychotic episode...lithuim and xanax coctails, sugar. Subject: A Stalkers manifesto Date: Dec 21 2005 08:35:58 AM Author: alfreako Stalker chick you are the is the funniest ! my face is red & I nearly pissed on me self, no bullabush!! Subject: Fear the Reaper Date: Dec 18 2005 07:49:45 PM Author: Dan This article was purely batshit disturbing, and I laughed my ass off while shuddering. Kick ass! Subject: Ur shower pole Date: Dec 18 2005 12:33:45 AM Author: Meeko First off disregard all other comments on this page. YES anybody could do this, but what normal person really has the guts to pull something like this off? Good Job! People need to understand that this article was not written to be as negative as they might take it. It is good to know that the cops were all over you like a dog on a t-bone! Who wouldn't get a sense of security out of that? You acted like any other girl I've been with, ....I thought that was normal. Needy/psychotic/over emotional. Wow so the 'real' you isn't like all the other girls out there.. Subject: . Date: Dec 17 2005 02:36:07 PM Author: myway.se the best story i've read in a long time! i love that fuckin girl! =) mary, come to sweden and be my girlfriend! peace! Subject: well Date: Dec 16 2005 06:37:59 PM Author: well -fake or not, it was mildly interesting - the "marie-elaine" is not hot. I wouldn't do it. - French people suck. The language is annoying and the music is the worst ever. I was in Montreal in the summer and we laughed aloud at the faces waiting in line at the club. Jeez. It was like La Femme Nikita or Subway. Ha ha. I chuckled. Subject: hey ms. mystery pants Date: Dec 16 2005 04:14:49 AM Author: DEMON SLAYER Terrible and unconvincingly not not fake. The lack of imagination and creativity reeks of Hollywood romantic chick flick. I already watched "How to lose a guy in 10 days" with my grandma. Yea, i'm dissin this "article". Subject: spamming bitch what Date: Dec 16 2005 02:39:25 AM Author: http://incurableparanoiac.blogspot.com/ http://incurableparanoiac.blogspot.com/ Subject: yeah sure Date: Dec 15 2005 06:44:06 PM Author: mysterypants just admit that the dude dissed you and you couldn't just accept that he didn't like you. you don't have to go making up this totally fake story. and it's only "stalking" when you DON'T talk to the stalkee. dumbass. Subject: nice Date: Dec 15 2005 04:43:00 PM Author: margot this was fucking. hilarious. Subject: kill Date: Dec 15 2005 12:01:57 PM Author: J bill Subject: shame Date: Dec 15 2005 09:23:12 AM Author: the stalked Being stalked by a 50 year old man who thinks he is suppose to be the father of your children, having to move, change your name and identity, to get away from him, only to have him find you two years later. That's really funny. You suck. Subject: sigh Date: Dec 14 2005 11:41:11 PM Author: scoos Please read some more. It would help your writing. Subject: Great. Date: Dec 14 2005 07:45:54 PM Author: John This article is stupid and most of you are idiots. Subject: good god... Date: Dec 14 2005 02:04:34 PM Author: clever so you turned yourself into a full out whore for a night of what was admittedly lame sex but good head, faux stalked the guy you fucked, CALLED HIS MOM AND CALLED HER A BITCH, just to see how far you could actually take it...funny shit... Subject: free pussy Date: Dec 14 2005 02:47:00 AM Author: kid in the hall why is everyone trippin? this dude did get fucked with for the amusement of others, but hey he got some pussy. Subject: Mary Rocks! Date: Dec 13 2005 11:50:10 PM Author: Uncle James There are alot of bitter people blogging about this article. They sort of remind me of the guy on the Simpsons that works in the comic book store..."You know nothing about Superman Issue #21" Mary...I laughed until I had an erection. Then I took this article around and showed it to a diverse group of people...all of which LOVED every word. You're a great writer...my favorite part was when you called his Mom. Love UJ Subject: .. Date: Dec 13 2005 09:16:57 PM Author: . oh man, I'm so pulling this on someone. fags stalking fags will be even funnier. Subject: sweet Date: Dec 13 2005 01:27:16 PM Author: dd pretty hilarious! you have guts! Subject: wtf Date: Dec 13 2005 01:00:54 PM Author: roxy wow...you fucking cunt... i can not believe i wasted moments of my life reading this piece of shit...moments i will never get back Subject: hmm this is good shti Date: Dec 12 2005 06:40:03 PM Author: fuck me also can you stalk me, i want some of your big gigantica pussy on my fugus feet. Subject: wow Date: Dec 12 2005 02:33:15 PM Author: s. There's so much fucking hate on here ! Subject: Beating Date: Dec 12 2005 02:31:23 PM Author: Mike Someone needs a beating, or cutting. Subject: baby Date: Dec 12 2005 12:10:18 PM Author: skow i can stalk after you with my big penis so go fuck yourself but don't hurt us with ur boring storys... i think ur pussy is like a fish - stinky and oozlike just like ur brain :/ Subject: you Date: Dec 12 2005 12:12:44 PM Author: G you seem fucking annoying Subject: s Date: Dec 11 2005 10:00:29 PM Author: penis cheese i rock da shit nigga Subject: It's this kind of shit Date: Dec 11 2005 04:36:49 PM Author: Dan Rather By get cancer, I mean that I would like for you to die a slow, painful death. Subject: --- Date: Dec 11 2005 03:19:31 PM Author: gerg get cancer? what the fuck kinda shit is that? Subject: this really rocks Date: Dec 11 2005 12:36:04 PM Author: mathias Jesus---- you laid the foundation for stalking journalism... respect, its like a hype between first Hunter S. Thompson and some genuine maniac behaviour.... Grats. Subject: humor. Date: Dec 11 2005 03:01:13 AM Author: Dan Rather You sorry fucks saying this is funny need to go watch Blue Collar Comedy or Joey. Vice used to be really funny. Now the shitstains that inhabit MySpace and Blogspot have taken it over. Get cancer, all of you. Subject: whats up with you? Date: Dec 10 2005 03:22:58 PM Author: girl with dignity At first I thought this was funny. A little. Then I realized it wasn't. Just sort of pathetic. What's the difference between you and a 'real' stalker. Writing an article about it? How ironic you are. Subject: Well said, niggas. Date: Dec 10 2005 04:25:51 PM Author: gerg Good writing. The intelligence of it comes out of its simplicity. Its simplicity makes it deeper since there's more to interpret. Subject: you did this to me Date: Dec 10 2005 11:38:42 AM Author: jsizzle I know it was you. You're amazing. Subject: this whore Date: Dec 09 2005 12:50:18 PM Author: left hand Dear ms cockbreath, you shouldnt be alive. I to live in your parts of canada, i know of you by rep. I will hurt you. Human waste. Subject: slut Date: Dec 08 2005 06:58:02 PM Author: bah When you go to hell I hope you’re forced to eat an endless bag of the most crooked dicks ever created. Good Article! Subject: andrew Date: Dec 08 2005 04:06:07 PM Author: tempo guy who said "Would have been funnier and more insightful into human instinct if you had just followed a random person around on the streets for a day or so until they freaked out and then catologued their reactions as best possible from that point forward." that's a movie john lennon and yoko ono made. you should rent it. Subject: bravo! Date: Dec 08 2005 01:18:53 PM Author: Jaime fuckin' funny. Subject: eh, not that great Date: Dec 08 2005 12:06:29 AM Author: Andrew Would have been funnier and more insightful into human instinct if you had just followed a random person around on the streets for a day or so until they freaked out and then catologued their reactions as best possible from that point forward. Subject: crap Date: Dec 08 2005 12:46:09 AM Author: crap this was crap Subject: eh, not that great Date: Dec 08 2005 12:06:29 AM Author: Andrew Would have been funnier and more insightful into human instinct if you had just followed a random person around on the streets for a day or so until they freaked out and then catologued their reactions as best possible from that point forward. Subject: pits Date: Dec 07 2005 06:19:59 PM Author: cedric ceballos hairy pits is its! fuck, girls smell good! gimme a long, deep draught of hippie! i, too, have a lamb's wool tongue! stalk me! stalk me! Subject: so amatuer! Date: Dec 07 2005 03:37:28 PM Author: bubachenson this webpage is quite un-funny and very "junior varsity" if u ask me. especailly this stalking story. i think an autistic child with no arms could do a better job mind-f-ing someone. whoever the gurl was should take some time off her antics to think of something creative and truly manipulative to do instead of wasting peoples time who read her articles. Subject: stalker Date: Dec 06 2005 10:38:38 PM Author: kyle no no its only funny when a creepy guy stalks a girl. if i was this guy i would have just acted more clingy and creepy to her then she would have brain farted and went home. Subject: grr Date: Dec 06 2005 12:07:50 PM Author: s. it's not unshaved armpits, its the shadow in the picture, retard. Subject: she's a minger Date: Dec 05 2005 10:54:50 PM Author: Dan Rather The poor fucksticks saying this girl is funny haven't read Vice for very long. The people that it used to make fun of have taken it over. =| Subject: Wow Date: Dec 05 2005 07:27:16 PM Author: . So you let this guy fuck and you started saying crazy shit until he asked you to leave blocked your number and called the cops. You got him real good you dumb cunt. You might wanna shave your pits and remove that piece of shit tatoo in your photo. Subject: christmas Date: Dec 05 2005 02:10:44 PM Author: shades nothing better than a christmas card from someone whom is dead and actually loved you to ex boy/girl this is from your grand parent etc leave my poor ass be.... nothing better than to put salt on the wound Subject: she only reads this- no posting. Date: Dec 05 2005 12:09:28 AM Author: steeve but she never posted anything on here. she gets angry and stops herself from behaving in a hateful manner. so quit feeling so lucky, the impostors who posted her blog and myspace adresses are assholes, nothing more, nothing less. Subject: thank you... Date: Dec 04 2005 08:40:06 PM Author: e-stalker ...for showing me the way. i laughed aloud. articles like this only justify my current obsession with finding people i once loved what with all their personal information usually being posted BY THEM on blogspots and myspaces and such. Subject: this is her blog space Date: Dec 04 2005 01:08:57 PM Author: s. http://marie-elaine.blogspot.com/ and yes, she<s good looking. very Subject: Are you hot Date: Dec 04 2005 11:02:32 AM Author: Brian586 ? Subject: blah Date: Dec 04 2005 03:30:24 AM Author: mediafriend Has society degraded so far? is this bitch so spoiled that she has to conduct elaborate experiments with life and create situiations which fuck people up? Clearly she has some issues, as anyone who would do this for "fun" would, basically she's an insensitive bitch. hahaha but i absolutely love it! Subject: hahaha Date: Dec 03 2005 05:42:45 PM Author: hahaha hahahhah Subject: Smarf Date: Dec 03 2005 04:13:42 PM Author: Bavis Trickle You're a stupid ignorant worthless cunt. Subject: sick sad world Date: Dec 03 2005 12:15:55 PM Author: M if I was gonna do a story about stalking someone I would have made it someone a bit more challenging not some sap so desperate he'll give a stranger head in a back alley. Fiction. Subject: Stalking a guy the sad way Date: Dec 03 2005 04:12:59 AM Author: stosh Not very good. KInd of boring article but I read it. There are much better ways you can drive a guy crazy, but stalking is not one of them. Think about avocados and bowling balls. Subject: you know the one? Date: Dec 03 2005 02:59:06 AM Author: frankie skinzaloon first off, this is funny. no questions. doesnt matter if it really happened. secondly, you know the joke about the amount of shit you are willing to put up with from a girl is directly proportionate to how hot she is? i.e.- normal Charlize Theron could punch your mother in the face on christmas, and you'd work it out, tell her you never liked your mom anyway (assuming you thought she was hot, which i do) if "Monster" Charlize Theron breathed the wrong way, you'd throat chop her and throw her out of your moving car. (unless you thought she was hot, in which case you are fucked and i wish you good luck with your ugly women. also, thanks for taking one for the team, but please, do us a favor: dont reproduce.) usually preppy jock dicks look at artsy/emo chicks the same way artsy/emo chicks look at preppy jock dicks: If i could fuck 'em without having to talk to 'em, id love to, especially for the gory story about how you went "slumming" (which, because we are all soooo cool, works both ways.) i'm just sayin Subject: unoriginal Date: Dec 02 2005 10:02:37 PM Author: waste didnt sophie calle do this shit a long time ago? Subject: I can't wait Date: Dec 02 2005 07:13:44 PM Author: Malibu Baribie I can't wait to grow up i want to be just like you, Mary. Subject: also... Date: Dec 02 2005 05:28:33 PM Author: disgusted if a guy did this to a girl, we would all think it was just incredibly mean and worthless. Subject: whore Date: Dec 02 2005 05:21:09 PM Author: disgusted you had sex with him? for an article. that you got paid for. just clarifying: that makes you a whore. I always stand up for Vice and tell all the "feminist" haters to stop taking it so seriously, but if this is what the magazine encourages women to do, that makes me very, very sad. Subject: You're Pathetic Date: Dec 02 2005 04:44:48 PM Author: Ha! The only thing worse than this is all the guys here trying to applaud you so they can eat you out. Haven't got over some hurt from long ago, huh? You know that 99.9% of the delicious joy you sucked out of this was because someone didn't do this to you years ago. Shit, maybe it was days ago. Subject: you are a fucking genius Date: Dec 02 2005 11:16:14 AM Author: johnny c This is the greatest thing i have ever read, including the Bible. "Now I know how Courtney Love feels." Subject: i like wednesdays Date: Dec 02 2005 08:23:33 AM Author: jerry hi my name is jerry and i like wednesdays. i like long walks on a short beach. have you ever heard of menage a trois? well if you havent it means when three people do it together and by do it i mean they do the nasty. do you understand? well i liked your story and i want to do it it with you and your mom at the same time. when we are done we can go out for coffee and donuts. that would be really enjoyable way to spend a wednesday afternoon. i like wednesdays alot, i mean a whole bunch. call me if you are interested, my number is (818)765-1497. i live in the USA, we are at war for freedom right now but dont worry that will not affect our time together, i promise. please call me even if i dont sound like your type because maybe im your friends type. im really nice man every ones says even my mom, yesterday she told me i was the most handsom and nice guy she new. thank you, i love you Subject: you got it all wrong Date: Dec 02 2005 04:26:14 AM Author: cokehound this is where you fucked up... you have to call about 22 times, and you don't leave messages! Come on man, for sure you HAVE to do the star 67, but there is no desperation in stalking. I kind of feel like you owe me something, I gave up my tricks. Subject: right on Date: Dec 01 2005 11:12:35 PM Author: Garnman That was the trashiest thing ever. I really liked it. Subject: haha omg mary you rule! !!! Date: Dec 01 2005 08:26:20 PM Author: Dickbutt Guy sounds like a total chauch! I bet he was all like, "dude, bro that bitch was like full-on crazy and shit", never to know that he was being made a fool of - by someone who'd have otherwise never given him the time of day! Seriously though, I actually thought about how long it would take me to drive to Montreal (about 3 days), find you, stab you in the cunt & bludgeon you along with any fellow scenester fucks you hang out with. Grow the fuck up, or at least waste a week on something that's actually funny. Subject: gr-ate Date: Dec 01 2005 04:15:16 PM Author: ashley that dudebro got punk'd nice job... he probably thought he was some kind of p-i-em-p douche hound Subject: good. Date: Dec 01 2005 04:27:47 PM Author: <3334 great job. tonight i'm watching fatal attraction thanks to your article. Subject: yes pleazze!! Date: Dec 01 2005 04:27:07 AM Author: Mary Me! MY PHONE # 850 574 9321 Subject: vicetards Date: Nov 30 2005 06:48:27 PM Author: noot If y'all believe this shit actually occurred... Subject: nasty Date: Nov 30 2005 03:57:59 PM Author: hi5es I guess it worked so well because she looks the part. If she were hot at all the dude might have banged her a few more times just for sport. The nasty ones get the hand first thing in the morning. Subject: crescent street Date: Nov 30 2005 12:41:25 PM Author: KOKO WU AHAHAH They are in front of Winnies Subject: fancy. Date: Nov 30 2005 05:34:43 AM Author: Jessica i wish that you were watching my everyday life on TV Subject: have a guess Date: Nov 29 2005 11:24:03 PM Author: mrkal slightly amusing Subject: haha Date: Nov 29 2005 09:44:45 PM Author: michizzle this was so funny i almost pissed myself. almost. it is both entertaining and informative! i wish you good luck on your future endeavors with men. maybe one day you'll get your own real stalker!!! Subject: Nonsense Date: Nov 29 2005 05:40:02 PM Author: Steve Marie, if you made this up, awesome. If you did it ( pounding included ) , even more awesome. That makes you a real journalist, out there on the field. You next task should be to nail band people and review it. You could start with Nada surf , they gangbanged you hardcore, right ? Oh man, this is too funny. best article ever writen. Subject: that's shitty Date: Nov 29 2005 05:36:50 PM Author: matt Yo, do you club baby seals on your offtime? would you pour a cup of tar on a pelican? NO? then leave the fratboys alone!!! i think we can all agree that they suck but this whole thing demeans you WAY more than it demeans the guy you were stalking? You hate these people but you suck their dicks and let them fuck you? what's that make you? Human waste. fuck off and die. Subject: that's a Date: Nov 29 2005 05:24:53 PM Author: reality bullshit story. I don't believe it for an instant. For instance, if it was me...They'd be finding pieces of you in every dumpster in that God-forsaken shithole. Subject: mary. Date: Nov 29 2005 04:28:20 PM Author: aaaah you deffinitely own. Subject: blah Date: Nov 29 2005 01:26:06 PM Author: me To the twat-rocket who implies that the guy in the picture has brown hair; The guy is truly blond, believe me. It's just a very dark resolution. Subject: .disorg Date: Nov 29 2005 03:49:59 AM Author: nondescript excellent work, lady Subject: Mary Color Blindpants Date: Nov 28 2005 10:06:35 PM Author: Baby Kitten How does the photo of the brown-haired fellow match up with our "blond-ish" victim? I had no idea "ish" was so versatile. Hi friends, I'm female-ish...which basically means I have a penis. Subject: mary Date: Nov 28 2005 05:57:56 PM Author: best article ever funniest shit ever... should've had pictures to go with the story though... that would've made up for my dysxliea. Subject: stalker Date: Nov 28 2005 04:56:20 PM Author: spo maybe there are no real stalkers - maybe there's just loads of cool folk who like fucking with boring fuckwits who think they rule? great stuff Subject: Desperate Housewife Date: Nov 28 2005 03:41:24 PM Author: Brie Mary, you are truly an inspiration Subject: Awesome Date: Nov 27 2005 09:56:23 PM Author: Rotten thats fuck'n hilarious! I wanna stalk you Subject: Cant Understand Normal Thinking Date: Nov 27 2005 08:39:09 PM Author: manimal wow, a social experiment gone boring. This just means that she wasn't hot enough to make it worth while to endure her antics. A crazy girl, hmmm, yeah, none of us has seen that one before. A really strange article would have been an artcle about a girl not being manipulative, conniving, selfish, and boring. I hope he fishooked this little brat. This is why I watch Max Hardcore. Douche. Subject: mary.........of course! Date: Nov 27 2005 06:23:58 PM Author: my space.com im stalking you right now Subject: FUCKING IDIOT Date: Nov 27 2005 07:01:10 PM Author: HELL RELL ASPIRING ACTORS ARE FUCKING CORNY B. GET THIS BITCH OUTTA HERE SERIOUSLY. PASTY CANADIANS? IM GOOD ON THAT SHIT. DIPSET! TALIBAN! MERO MY NIGGA! Subject: THAT'S RIGHT Date: Nov 27 2005 06:09:19 PM Author: JESSA WOMAN NEED TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND HAVE A LITTLE ROLE REVERSAL... WATCH OUT WOMAN ARE THE BEST... YOU CHOOSE THE WORD.... Subject: you Date: Nov 27 2005 04:25:52 PM Author: me this was fucking funny. MSM and VICE should've made a mini-series out of this. Subject: fuck you guys Date: Nov 26 2005 10:41:36 PM Author: Marie I love cock and I will suck anybody cock. just message me on myspace. bitchhhess. Subject: omg Date: Nov 26 2005 07:30:54 PM Author: droolz I love you M-e Subject: har har Date: Nov 26 2005 05:17:43 PM Author: everything has been done amusing. Subject: I Laughed Date: Nov 26 2005 01:04:46 PM Author: Anthony And I Love it. It's something that I'd dare a friend to do. Yeah. Subject: grr Date: Nov 26 2005 12:15:08 PM Author: Marie To the doucherocket who posted my myspace link : I hope someone slits your throat and that you spill the entire content of your body on a deserted sidewalk evildead style. Quit sending me messages, i won't add you as a friend. Subject: haahahha Date: Nov 26 2005 12:09:28 PM Author: hahaha Genius ! Subject: who Date: Nov 26 2005 10:31:52 AM Author: myspace who posted her myspace page? the editors or her? Subject: fuck off Date: Nov 26 2005 10:15:03 AM Author: gil all of you. marie's awesome Subject: this Date: Nov 25 2005 10:52:57 PM Author: ab is obviously an excellent story and anyone saying otherwise is just jealous that something this good was made Subject: t'est vraiment juste une plotte Date: Nov 25 2005 09:06:21 PM Author: fred ... Subject: Fanatic Date: Nov 25 2005 08:20:39 PM Author: Brendude Silly hipstain. She can't kiss your pecker through the internet so your worshipful gestures are all for naught!! You must seek her out! She hangs out with spacemen in bars at the center of the earth. Their faces are nothing but lips and their genitals glow and make you feel like a kid again. How can you compete with that you may be thinking. Do not fret cyberspace friend. There is a way to be transported to her. Apparently if you rearrange your music collection in a certain amazing way, you will instantly appear in front of her right after having said the wittiest thing she's ever heard. Blowjobs will follow. Good luck. By the way, I've never listened to Rocket from the Crypt at great length so I seriously don't know what you're talking about but seriously want to know so I can listen and appreciate. Thanks. Subject: Brendude Date: Nov 25 2005 07:40:12 PM Author: Fanatic You got it all wrong with your non-sense fetishism coming straight from a rocket from the crypt song. LONG LIVE M-ELAINE ! Subject: feck ya boobs, slit slime Date: Nov 25 2005 07:11:37 PM Author: Brendude This article emits disgusting human slime in the minds of all who read it. Everyone who was involved in its creation should be first violently penetrated repeatedly by aliens with penises that are shaped exactly like huge knives, then they should be locked in a room naked and made fun of by people of all ages, races and genders, next comes the point where pieces of shit appear spontaneously in their mouths every 5 minutes for 5 years. If they haven't killed themselves before the 5 years is up, Arnold Schwarzenegger eats his way out of their innards the next time someone hugs them. Subject: stalker bitch Date: Nov 25 2005 06:08:25 PM Author: dicksize He shoulda killed that cunt. Fucked her one more time...then killed that cunt Subject: dickbeater Date: Nov 25 2005 04:27:27 PM Author: The Coach good work...youll get a T shirt for this. all day. Subject: Hey douche under me Date: Nov 25 2005 03:59:57 PM Author: Mike Mary has been off drugs for about a year now, and seriously isn't anything you just mentionned. go suck an egg Subject: pretty cool article. Date: Nov 25 2005 03:42:21 PM Author: brown sugar wow, marie-helene is a real classy broad. i'd think this is kinda cool if i didn't knew for a fact that she has been doing this kind of stuff for real for the last ten years of her life... to this you can add an addiction to theft, hard drugs, lying and sex: it doesn't get better than this. oh and i didn't mention that she's actually the perfect definition of a hipster and will jump on any bandwagon as long as magazines such as vice or alternative press proclaim it's ok to do so. Subject: Hey my space Date: Nov 25 2005 03:04:37 PM Author: blub li bla http://www.myspace.com/MarieElaine thats her hawt yo Subject: SICK Date: Nov 25 2005 02:51:10 PM Author: SICK The joke is on YOU. let's start an argument about how crazy she is, or not. i wannnt tt ttoooo fuck heeerrr Subject: fuck you Date: Nov 25 2005 02:42:19 PM Author: asshole "A bar you normally couldn't pay me to enter." I guess Mary really showed Mr. X how stupid his life is. Wow, the joke is on him, man. All hipsters must die. Subj