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Cover photo by Terry Richardson
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 YO! WHAT IS UP?
The Sex IssueLauren, a 26-year-old from Long Island, is New York City's youngest madam. She rents out girls–mostly models who aren't going to make it–to Wall Streeters who are too busy, lazy, or drunk to pick up girls that might actually like them.
Here's what else we learned:
• Lauren spends a hal...
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  DEAR DIARY
Make-out list: 1990-1997Because this is the Sex Issue, I decided I would copy down my "sex" list. It's actually more of a make-out list because I only had sex with that last person. The asterixes are for bases.
* means first base, ** means second and/or sloppy second,
*** means hand job. This list is from the years 1...
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 FRANKLY SPEAKING
Fuck SexWhen I was 11 years old, I was alone in the house when the phone rang. It was a stranger's voice, an adult man. He said he could see me through the window. He asked me how old I was and what was going on. Then he told me to go to the refrigerator, get out a hot dog, and "stick it in [your] vagina."<...
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 DOS & DON'TS
It's wrong to judge gays. You don't know what they go through. It's like, just because you've taken a big shit once or twice doesn't mean you know what it's like to have a big black cock go in and out of your behind. If you really want to know what's going on in the mind of the gays, get in their fu...
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 HOT MUSLIM TWAT
...Finally!Pornography exists everywhere, of course, but when it comes into societies in which it's difficult for young men and women to get together and do what young men and women often like doing, it satisfies a more general need...While doing so, it sometimes becomes a kind of standard-bearer for freedo...
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 ME SO HORNY
Can You Say "BJ" in Iraqi?Let's just put it this way...a friend of a friend of a buddy of a pal of ours is a soldier in Iraq. He is utterly in the thick of it. "In the shit," as they say. We can't tell you his name or what branch he's with, but we can show you his photographs. Since this is 2005 and he is an American male, h...
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 GROSS JAR
The saga of the second Gross Jar continued this month with the addition of a load of semen.
A Vice staffer, asking to remain anonymous, took one for the team by retrieving the Gross Jar from the windowsill out back, taking it to the bathroom, and unscrewing the lid (which released an odor s...
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 LANDING A MAN
What Do You Do?Interviews by Melissa Burgos and Pegah Farahmand Photos by Tim Barber
Jillian: "I drink four vodka on the rocks and start dancing on the bar. It works every time. I'm just naturally magnetic."
Miho: "I can't explain. I am stylish. Drinking. I came here three days ago."...
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 I'M DYING OVER HERE
My body is my temple, though others now might refer to me as "damaged goods" due to my fight with cancer and the treatments and surgeries I've endured. I am undesirable to some because my body looks like a road map of the US. Others want to fuck me because they think I'm a freak. I no longer have re...
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 SPECIAL PULL-OUT POSTER:
The way you get a girl is to say, 'No problem.' Everything, no problem," says a Russian mobster named Peter that's sitting next to me at dinner. "If they late then you just have a drink alone. When they show up you say, 'Hey, don't worry about it.' And you go on with the night. Everything is no prob...
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 I WANT MY DVDS
The White Stripes: Live Under Blackpool Lights, Slayer - Still Reigning: Reign in Blood, Practice Hours, Risky Roadz...
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 GAYS OR GIRLS?
Slobbing the Knob for ScienceMen have simple sexual needs. They want to cum. That's about it. They might sometimes cum in ways that they think are inventive, like on your face or your tits, but it all comes down to the same end: a squirt of some white ropy stuff followed by a brief Xanax-y stupor. After about 20,000 orgasms, mo...
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 LITERARY
How to be a Prick With Women, Total Confidence With Women, Methods and Tactics to Seduce Women, Methods and Tactics to Dominate Women, Conquering WomenHow to be a Prick With Women
Spoken and Written by
Gary Brodsky
OK, here you got your basics. Gary tells us (literally–it's a spoken-word CD) how getting laid is all about being a prick and being a prick is all about "Not getting caught up in their 'he said, she said' bulls...
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 DIRTY PIRATES
High on Fire Gives You the Web-EyeOne time, as an "experiment," I put a personal ad on Nerve.com. (I know, I know.) One of the profile questions is "What music puts you 'in the mood'." I answered stoner metal, duh. The best response came from a lawyer whose favorite movie was Secretary. In his picture, he had on a polar-fleece vest ...
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 POCKETS DUMB FAT
Dude named Crazy Crook calls into Hot 97's "Street Soldiers" the other night, when they've got a special show devoted to gangs and hip-hop. "All these niggas out there banging in these rap videos," he wondered, "I just wanna know: Is they real with it?" Nice message for the kids there, CC, but the t...
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 FACKING CANTS
Sex Education With Plan BI don't know about you Yank girls, but I cannot imagine anything more devastating than being called "cunt" in an East London brogue while a skinny white boy with spots and a few scars slides his stiff English dick in and out my fanny. It's called national pride.
And if he's a sensitive-thug...
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 SKINEMA
The box cover says "Shot on location in Montreal, Canada, with the nastiest lesbos ever!" but I think they mean the other kind of nasty. ...
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 CHATTING SHIT
Lady Sovereign Is Barely LegalSex symbols in the British grime scene have so far been a little thin on the ground, unless you're a gay man who fancies anorexic black boys from council estates.
So when Lady Sovereign appeared on the scene, could you blame all the punters for hearing her perky voice and clever flow and im...
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 TIDBITS
A monthly look at things we love - v12n1HAND JOB WORK GLOVES
Beating off old men in the backs of cars is a great way to make five bucks, but what if you're not a gay junkie? How are you supposed to grab that wet little wiener without your gag reflex going off? You're going to wear these protective gloves is what you're going t...
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 VICELAND EXCLUSIVE
Getting Kicked in the NutsBeing kicked in the nuts isn't as bad as everyone says it is. It's all in the mind. You think it's going to hurt and that's what makes you sick. I mean, if someone really nails you and you feel your nut get squished like a bouncy grape then sure, you feel pretty nauseous but, for the most part, it's...
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 HOW TO FUCK A STRIPPER
And Still Have Money in Your PocketMost people think the way to a stripper's pussy is with money, buying lap dance after lap dance, throwing stacks of singles on stage as they dance, and surprising them with expensive gifts. Those people are idiots. "Marks," as the girls call them. Someone to be siphoned until not one drop of cash is...
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 TREASURE TROVE
Grampy's Ancient PornWhen I was 13 my grandfather Adam died. He had lived with my grandmother in a little beach house in Point Pleasant, NJ for over 20 years. He had been a welder most of his life, working in the Newark Machine Shop of the American Can Company. Back then they didn't worry about things like 'ventilation'...
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 PICTURES OF YOU
A Life in HookersI shot a lot of these pictures between 1982 and the early 90s. They were mostly taken in my apartment in Greenwich Village or, if I was on the road, in hotel rooms in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Boston and Paris. All the guys I picked up on the streets, in Times Square, Santa Monica blvd, the Castro...
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 ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE
It's been mentioned once or twice here already but if you've got broadband and speakers and you're not permanently masturbating yourself into a frenzy to the Cybernetic Broadcasting radio station (cbs.nu) then what are you playing at? This is the online station run by hard-working Dutch disco demi-g...
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 YOU DID WHAT?
Cursed's Singer Goes BalssoutCursed are from Canada and play all-out-war crusty hardcore that reminds you of Born Against, Nausea, pre-boredom Neurosis and Echonochrist.
Like many other hardcore singers, the frontman Chris Colohan takes things waaaay too far....
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 VICE FASHION - SEX ADDICTS
Now that most British straight people think that getting AIDS is even more impossible than paying back their student loans, they're living their lives in a whirlwind of fucking and sucking stranger's dicks and pussies, sans protection, all over the place.
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 GRIMEWATCH
January is traditionally an empty kind of month. The whole grime scene has its poker face on and isn't letting any cats out of any bags....
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 MY FIRST WANK
Sebastian from DFA 1979 Comes CleanThe very first time I masturbated was probably the most shameful day of my life. I was eleven and my parents had left me home alone for the afternoon. I had all this energy and I didn't know why. I rode my bike to this construction site and wandered around kicking over stacks of 2x4s and throwing ro...
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 TOO HARD
Phone Sex Ain't As Easy As it Used to BeIf you work at Australia Post in Canberra, you're basically a courier for porn merchants. X-rated video sales are the largest export revenue earner for Canberra with an annual turnover of $34 million, and that means that at least half of Australia Post's courier division is dedicated to sorting X-ra...
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 LANA
Spell It Backwards and That's What I Do BestMy name is Lana and I'm a transsexual prostitute from Samoa. I've been working the car park down in St Kilda for as long as I can remember. Some of the girls I work with are full change, some, like me, still have their dicks and others are cross-dressers.
This isn't necessarily what I would...
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 NUDIE MOMENTS
Pictures From the Melbounre Store LaunchVICE PRESENTS THE NUDIE JEANS PARTY...
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 I GOT YOU BABE
Little Wings is All About the RomanceNext time you're down the beach with a bunch of friends and a lovely young lady asks you to join her 'couple of friends' at their bonfire just over the way, do it. Supremely confident, you can take comfort in knowing that you have an ace up your sleeve. No need to reveal it just yet. Listen to her. ...
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 LOVE INSTRUMENTS
Oh! Belgium Get SexyOh! Belgium annoy a lot of people. Some claim it is the incessant mining of nerd record collections for inspiration that make them hard to swallow. For others, the problem seems to be the treble; the rhythm which powers on beyond its intent like too much meth, falling over its own feet as it tries t...
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 GAMES
Goldeneye: Rogue Agent, Call Of Duty: Finest Hour, Ridge RacerGoldeneye: Rogue Agent
EA Games
Platform: PS2, Gamecube, Xbox
Genre: Supervillains
Now that anti-hero games sell more than good vs evil games, the new special Goldeneye gives you the chance to play as James Bond's most popular enemies. ...
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