Most supermodels are stupid, boring Aryan cunts. But what about when they look like Miles Davis reincarnated in the body of the new female Antichrist whose mission is to destroy all DON’Ts? We’re fastidiously matching our socks to our shirts so maybe she’ll stop staring at us like that.Comments/Enlarge |
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When guys get pass-out drunk, we all laugh along and go, “Aw, Ryan, you big oaf,” because men don’t have embryos and it doesn’t matter how polluted they get. When women get all Weekend at Bernie’s, however, it’s just not right. It’s like she fell asleep at the vagina and that makes all mother’s sons feel uncomfortable. Comments/Enlarge |
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When really tall guys dress like pussies it reminds us of when you’d see, like, an elephant in pants and a bowler hat in Hanna-Barbera’s Wacky Races (remember? with Captain Caveman racing The Gruesome Twosome in the Creepy Coupe?).Comments/Enlarge |
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Not since surgeons started making dinks out of lesbians' vaginas have I seen such a beautiful piece of greatness so hideously deformed. Christmas Chucks? Are you kidding me? When I asked him that he said, "They used to have jingle bells on the back but they got on my nerves." That's like saying, "I don't like it when people take shits on my chest because of that weird crackling sound it makes when it comes out their butts."
When a lot of young black men are in college they are initiated into a fraternity via a large piece of bubble gum that is affixed to their arm. It fucking reeks and it sticks to your clothes and it keeps having to be redone but it stands for something, something real. It says, "I used to go to a school and hang out with a bunch of guys that you don't know."
"Oooooh, better get in the stall and close the door so nobody sees my weewee. I don't want to use any of the available urinals because gay wapists might wook at my dinky and gwab it. Ooooh, I need my special, private pee pee place."
I understand that you're "gay" or "gay positive" or whatever and you are not ashamed of the fact that your tits look like a hell of a lot of other tits out there (more than Hollywood would care to admit) and unfair beauty standards and blah blah blah but for fuck's sake Rhoda, the kid is three years old. Why don't you tell her what a Cleveland Steamer is while you're at it.
Every time I go on a road trip I become convinced I have X-ray vision but then I realize that most of America is ugly fat people who think that they have amazing Daisy Duke asses you simply MUST check out.
I'm all for fighting the towelheads and getting behind enemy lines as a spy and all that but this is the worst fucking disguise I've ever seen. You literally have a towel on your head. And yes, Middle Eastern men are darker and more hirsute but you might want to spend more than two seconds on your make-up. No offense to America but I hope you get caught and they chop your head off on al-Jazeera.
You know what? If you even have to think for one second, "Are these girls really horny twins or are these girls really horny guys?" then get out of there. Let's just cut loose that whole genre. Sure we may lose some actual chicks along the way that could be pretty hot, but such is the price of battle. Goodbye forever to the borderline broads.
Man, that whole mesh cap, logo tee, stressed denim and skate shoes thing is so played. How do those guys even look at themselves without barfing?
Here's a Miss Manners faux pas. When you're at a wedding don't go around the room choking people until they pass out. We don't like it. It's scary, it feels like you're dying (there's even the "go to the light" thing) and it hurts to swallow for weeks after.
Ever notice how, when a totally out of her mind person is kind of hot there will always be a guy willing to ignore the clown make-up, kid's clothes and the time John Lennon's face passed through the back of her soul?
