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| One of the worst things about passing out wasted is pissing yourself. Even after your pants dry they smell bad and make you feel like a loser. In order to avoid this you may want to just pull your weiner out and let it breathe. However, if your penis is a foreskin-heavy sausage roll you may want to endure the wet pants and let people continue to imagine it’s more than a centimeter. |
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| If you want to tell the world that pot is God's gift to man this winter, please be smart about it and keep warm. Instead of an irreverent t-shirt, carefully embroider your message on a Gore-Tex Patagonia pullover that zips up all cozy just like Bubbe wished it would. |
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You know when some naive art-school hippie tells you how she lost her virginity to a disgusting old forest-dwelling creep that basically tricked her into coming to his boat? Imagine she had a camera with her?
She did. Now all you have to do is try not to imagine his red penis. |
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| "Don't no motherfuckers do anything in this town without talking to Captain Garbage first. I run the garbage in this town. If you got a problem with your garbage, somethin' you can't fix, well, you come have a sit-down here with me in this garbage and I'm-a handle it. Simple as that." |
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| Even in the 70s this dude would have been a knob. The Peter Gabriel is blaring, his eyes are closed, and he's imagining himself on top of a mountain with his stupid-ass girlfriend on a horse. He’s thinking, "One day man, I swear to God." |
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| Not since the alchemists has one group of people been so determined to defy physics. For the last time junkies, you can't sleep standing up. If you want to take a nap go lie down on the side of the road. If you want all your problems to go away, roll over to the yellow line. |
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| We're not sure what happened to electroclash. Everyone was into it (even us) and then it seemed to morph into a weird kind of drag-queen-talent-show thing and now look at it. |
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