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TIDBITSA Monthly Look At Things We Love - The 80s Issue OK, we’ve been kind of gypping you on the “Tidbits” recently, so this month we’re going to throw in two extra ones. First off, get this: I literally jumped on this cockroach with all my might and squished a good 40% of its guts out. Then, as a funny prank, I put the dead roach on the editor’s laptop keyboard and closed the lid. When dude got into work about an hour later he opened up his computer AND THE MOTHERFUCKER WAS ALIVE AGAIN!!! It scurried off the keyboard with its guts dragging along behind it. It survived 500 pounds of pressure and a disemboweling. That’s more than zombies. 1 RAMBO FIGHTING COCK SUPPLEMENT The side of this Bangkok pill bottle says: “Rambo supplement will bring your fighting cock a powerful muscle strong bone, bright eyes and can stand for a long time of fighting.” 2 GOLD LOMO Lomo is back and now it’s fucking gold! So what? Fuck you “so what.” OK, a camera that takes nine pictures of the same thing and puts them on the same print is kind of a waste of time, but have you ever photographed sex shots with it? Or punks? Try that and get back to me. 3 VOLA FART WAX You ever fart so much that it starts to hurt your ass? Like when you have a big thing of Edensoy, and after the fifteenth one you’re like, “Jesus Christ!” and you look over at your girlfriend and you can tell she’s thinking her mother was right. Fart wax isn’t going to change the fact that you’re grossing everyone out, but it may take the sting off the 3,532nd one. 4 MONSTERISM Pete Fowler, the guy who illustrated The Super Furry Animals LPs, wants us to write about Monsterism like it’s this big huge new art movement. No. It’s just Japanese people making really neat-looking tiny models of some of his best drawings. That’s pretty good, though. www.cubeworks.co.jp 5 THE MELTDOWN MASCOT If you don’t know about Meltdown Comics in LA you are a stupid asshole. Gaston, the owner, is the coolest nerd we’ve ever met. He owns EVERY Spider-Man thing ever made (a collection that’s worth about $500,000 and takes up a room the size of a gymnasium) and he made twenty full-size gold statues of Yoda. The three-legged guy pictured here was designed by Dan Clowes to be the mascot for the store, and although it only costs about $13, you can usually sell it on eBay for a few hundred. 6 HAMBURGER COOKIES What could be cuter than these tiny Hamburger cookies? Two albino kittens watching a baby Pegasus playing with a baby Grover in a field of cotton balls? No. Only this month’s “VICE Pictures” (p. 86) even comes close. 7 SPAN GUNS After checking out his show “Strike Anywhere,” we realized Nathan Cabrera is the best sculptor in LA. The show features a seven-foot-tall hipster chick riding an oversized lowrider with a half a deer mounted on the front. These guns are his latest project. Hundreds of happy-kid guns mounted on four walls until you’re like, “oh shit.” 8 VICE CITY MERCH It would probably look a little too kiss ass but we should do a “Tidbits” on Rockstar’s merch alone. Past gems include brass knuckles, mace, car jimmies and now, for their newest version of Grand Theft Auto (see “The Liar, The Bitch and The Wardrobe” on p. 52) they put out silver money clips and a fucking fake razor- blade key chain to divvy up the fake line we put on the cover. 9 MULLET HEADS I know talking about mullets has become as redundant as talking about “MONDAYS!!!” but fuck the hair. These are great little reminders of the guys that you used to buy hash from in 1988. Get into it in a post-postmodern kind of a way. 10 JAPANESE BILLY CLUBS As the past five years of “Tidbits” can attest, nips are insane. If you don’t believe me, check out this high-tech billy club their riot police have to use. The whole thing lights up every time you hit someone, and there’s a series of buttons on the side that the police can make crazy sounds with. And guess what. It works. Protestors are too busy saying “oooh kaaye” to cause any kind of a ruckus. To win your free subscription to VICE send tidbits to: VICE Magazine, 75 North Fourth Street, 3rd floor brooklyn, new york, 11211, usa
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