NO SHITThe Truth About Female Defecation
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Sarah and her piss in L.A. |
I have never gone to the bathroom. Sure, I have peed. I’ve tinkled like an adorable puppy, like a pretty ballerina. But never the other.
I’m just lucky that way. I have never been mad enough to take it out on the bowl. What did it do to ever deserve such punishment? Why would anyone give such a clean white porcelain friend such a beating? I wouldn’t. I don’t. My asshole is as pink as the day I came out of my mother’s vag. You could eat off of it, and some have — ew! Don’t be a pig. I don’t mean that in a sexual way. I mean hungry homeless children. Did you know there are more homeless children in America than homeless adults?! That’s what this piece is really about — that and my immaculate asshole.
MY IMMACULATE ASSHOLE
Say I go out and have a big meal at a nice restaurant. I may have an appetizer, an entrée, often dessert, and coffee to make it complete. Maybe I’ll unzip my pants. Undo my top button. I may even go to the bathroom and pee out that coffee. But anything else is the doing of the Lord. The food I eat may be digested, it may even turn to waste, but before anything turns brown, God or maybe Jesus himself magically takes it from me, and, I can only assume, brings it to heaven.
SARAH SILVERMAN
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Anonymous, on Sep 9, 2009 wrote:
>>Dudes who fancy Sarah Silverman are fags
Umm, what part of the word "fancy" makes you any more manly? | | Anonymous, on Sep 9, 2009 wrote:
There’s no way she can tell if her asshole is pink. Not with that giant black jungle growing around it. You can tell she has a huge wookie. Look at her eyebrows. Trim that shit! | | Anonymous, on Sep 9, 2009 wrote:
Oh Jesus, Great Taker of Shit.
Please cleanse my body of the impurities that snuggle deep within.
I know that there are more homeless children in America then there are homeless children inside adults.
This troubles me O Lord.
Please grant me the honor of having my taught brown waste embellish your Holy White Throne so that these children may partake in the glory of my mother’s vag. "For yea, it is the great oracle from whence forth came the pinkest of recti." Neh 4:13. So Lord even now as I pee in my unzipped pants, I pray you take this burden from me.
O Great One. I will continue to chaff my anus daily in Your Name. For it is immaculate in Your Eyes.
In the name of the Father,the Son, and the Holy Shit. Amen. | | Anonymous, on Sep 8, 2009 wrote:
SO, she says she never poops... No wonder she’s full of shit....
PS.. Her show sucks... | | Anonymous, on Sep 5, 2009 wrote:
i hope she realizes that i didn’t believe her when she told me that she was a virgin. | | Anonymous, on Sep 3, 2009 wrote:
so cute she could give a live abortion and still be OK | | Anonymous, on Aug 6, 2009 wrote:
Dudes who fancy Sarah Silverman are fags | | Anonymous, on Apr 20, 2009 wrote:
sarah silvermans ass is responsible for so much love and is very near and dear to my heart | | Anonymous, on Jan 15, 2009 wrote:
Sarah poops like everyone else. i’d love to see poop come out of her anus. | | Anonymous, on Dec 18, 2008 wrote:
sarah, I would eat your shit everyday. | | Anonymous, on Nov 21, 2008 wrote:
pee on me and i’ll be your friend, i’ll help you to carry on, oh yeah...
:) | | modernape, on Aug 14, 2008 wrote:
there’s a HUGE backlog building up somewhere, and when it finally blows, I wanna be there to see it. oh dear, I’m a bit sick aren’t I?
| | Anonymous, on Jul 29, 2008 wrote:
I think we all fucking understood that. | | Anonymous, on Jul 22, 2008 wrote:
That was many, not masny. I type too qwik sometimes. | | Anonymous, on Jul 22, 2008 wrote:
Boy, Sarah I wish you were my friend. Not too masny hip chiks like you around. | | |
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