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I was at a party once and a guy was doing a helicopter thing with his head because he had a braid like this and I go, “What’s the matter with you? Are you on acid or something?” Then I laugh and go upstairs to pee and his mother is sitting there on the stairs. Turns out he did acid a year before and had been fucked in the head ever since! She had brought him to the party hoping that seeing his old friends might pull him back into reality. In other words, sir, you look like a mentally-ill bummer that tears families apart.
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Do these kids’ show hosts do whatever Pharrell and Nigo order them to? They look like they’re about to tell us about the next Blue’s Clue.
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It’s still summer in Australia and everyone’s dressing like a fat Japanese girl that’s sleeping at your house because her dad found her dildo and he is fucking furious but she could give a shit and she’s not falling for his tyrannical bullshit anymore.
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ANIMAL AUTISM

Narumi Ogawa Cant Stop Playing With Dolls




“I was always obsessive-compulsive,” says 29-year-old Narumi Ogawa from her crowded apartment in LA, “especially about animals.”

Narumi grew up in Japan where, on her own accord, she would clean all the hallways in her school before opening bell and tend to the school rabbits after every class. She had few friends and found companionship in things like occupational therapy (incessant cleaning) and tending to her family’s four dogs and nine cats. “I used to make mud bowls for the animals to eat out of. I made about five new ones a day. By the time I was 18, however, I was getting bored.” That’s when she moved to LA and started making Internet porn sites. The meticulous details of web design are perfect for her caffeine-riddled brain. Of course, web design doesn’t fill the animal void, and in LA people get uncomfortable if you work more than 30 hours a week, so Narumi befriended her 72-year-old neighbor and started following her to knitting classes. “I’m by far the youngest one there,” she admits, “but these old ladies are pretty smart. You should see the designs they come up with.”

The designs Narumi comes up with are exactly what you’d expect from a tiny, Japanese, obsessive-compulsive, Internet-porn-technician, animal fanatic with no friends. She has invented a fucked up yet hyper-cute world of imaginary friends that sell for about $40 apiece and are going way faster than she can make them. “I make at least four or five a day and they keep disappearing, which is hard. It’s hard to let them go, but I have to. I can’t even see out my windows right now, there are so many stuffed animals in here.” Narumi understands their popularity: “I think it’s because people see them and remember the imaginary world they made up when they were kids. It’s fun for them to go back there. It’s fun for me, too.”

ALISSON MERGER
Narumi’s dolls are available at the VICE LA store (323 661 2741) and from Narumi’s website www.misterfunky.com.

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