DOS & DON'TS

Here’s an argument for letting your kids do drugs at the earliest age possible. When people get into drugs too late in life they amalgamate all the things the desperate teenage drug addicts who runaway to the big city at 15 do; complete with the old "getting an STD on their first week in the big city from the Polish waiter" chestnut. Comments/Enlarge | See all

Spanish crusties are everywhere in London at the moment and they’re looking FABULOUS. At the Insect Warfare show at the Old Blue Last we had dogs on strings sitting on bar stools, ordering pints. The rest of the crowd looked like this, from late 20s 7s with Anti Cimex shirts to amazing dykes with Punisher throat tattoos. Comments/Enlarge | See all

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Photo by Alex Sturrock

SOCIAL SUICIDE

Patrick Wolf Moves to Zombie City

Patrick Wolf is a special little boy on a special musical mission. He sings sweet songs and wears special clothes and plays magical homemade instruments and knows a lot about electronics and lives in a ramshackle little cottage down by the marsh's edge. Some people say it's haunted. To inherit an old man's fortune, Vice had to do three challenges. The first was to spend one night in a haunted cottage!!!

VICE: This is a crazy house you have here.

Patrick Wolf: We've done each room in a different theme. It's like Pee Wee's Playhouse. For instance we have a pumpkin patch bathroom.

The neighbourhood seems pleasant.

There's this big industrial estate full of blown up coaches and scrubby heaps of plants over there. There are swans next to rubbish heaps and gypsy caravans and power lines everywhere.
It's like The Warriors.
It's a really weird area.

Do you have friends living locally?

I've gone from having fifty acquaintances to having just three or four really close friends and my girlfriend. It started off naturally then people started dissappearing or showing their true nature, then when I was away in Cornwall recording the album in a shack with just an open fire it all came together. Social suicide. I threw away my phone and it's really worked out nicely.

Have you met your neighbours?

I got mugged at knifepoint the other night. There's one part where two highways have cut off a whole mini neighbourhood and now all the houses are abandoned. It's like village of the zombies.

Are you anticipating a rise in house prices as and when London is awarded the right to host the 2012 Olympic and Paralympic games?

I think there'll be less muggings. And maybe people will move back into Zombie City.

OL' CURLY
Patrick's album Wind In The Wires is out next month. To find out if we will solve the other two challenges and inherit the fortune, pick up the next issue of Vice!

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Patrick Wolf Moves to Zombie City

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