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DOS & DON'TS

If anything’s going to cut through all the divisive bullshit surrounding immigration and bring us all together it’s not going be some corny political slogan or a song or even a chain of restaurants. It’s got to be something profound and universal. Like embarrassing dads. Comments/Enlarge | See all


These guys remind me of what vikings would have been like if they were slightly more courteous and also dressed like gaylords. Comments/Enlarge | See all






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Photo by Alex Sturrock

SOCIAL SUICIDE

Patrick Wolf Moves to Zombie City



Patrick Wolf is a special little boy on a special musical mission. He sings sweet songs and wears special clothes and plays magical homemade instruments and knows a lot about electronics and lives in a ramshackle little cottage down by the marsh's edge. Some people say it's haunted. To inherit an old man's fortune, Vice had to do three challenges. The first was to spend one night in a haunted cottage!!!

VICE: This is a crazy house you have here.

Patrick Wolf: We've done each room in a different theme. It's like Pee Wee's Playhouse. For instance we have a pumpkin patch bathroom.

The neighbourhood seems pleasant.

There's this big industrial estate full of blown up coaches and scrubby heaps of plants over there. There are swans next to rubbish heaps and gypsy caravans and power lines everywhere.
It's like The Warriors.
It's a really weird area.

Do you have friends living locally?

I've gone from having fifty acquaintances to having just three or four really close friends and my girlfriend. It started off naturally then people started dissappearing or showing their true nature, then when I was away in Cornwall recording the album in a shack with just an open fire it all came together. Social suicide. I threw away my phone and it's really worked out nicely.

Have you met your neighbours?

I got mugged at knifepoint the other night. There's one part where two highways have cut off a whole mini neighbourhood and now all the houses are abandoned. It's like village of the zombies.

Are you anticipating a rise in house prices as and when London is awarded the right to host the 2012 Olympic and Paralympic games?

I think there'll be less muggings. And maybe people will move back into Zombie City.

OL' CURLY
Patrick's album Wind In The Wires is out next month. To find out if we will solve the other two challenges and inherit the fortune, pick up the next issue of Vice!

See all articles by this contributor

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