 AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
Louie Austen's Geriatric TechnoMost of us will be unable to control our bowels by the time we get senior-citizen discount cards, let alone make spectacular comebacks and be launched into the international dance music underground.
After 57 years walking this earth, a lifetime of onstage crooning, and a chance meeting with...
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  BEATS + RHYMES
Big news for 2002, the diggy diggy doctor -- yes, the one and only -- D.O.C. is back in effect with a brand new album Deuce. Check out silverbackrecords.com for info. Buy that shit, dude is a legend.
Anyone out there have a copy of King Tee's "Ruff Rhymes" 12"?...
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 ATTAQUE BIG MAC
Five Years of Harassing the Arch EnemyJUST LIKE THE VIDEO GAME STATE OF Emegency, there comes a time when the people reach their breaking point and are forced to break stuff. Like fast food restaurants, for instance. Ever since it replaced "Speedee" as the company tag in 1962, the McDonald's logo has become a ubiquitous symbol of...
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 CORPORATE ROCK
The Destruction of the DesaparecidosPopular music as social criticism has a long history of sucking shit. Whether it's the empty sloganeering of a group like Rage Against the Machine or the always pukey drama of "socially conscious hip hop," entertainers just don't know how to smash the state while sounding like they actually mean it....
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 GOD BLESS CORPORATE AMERICA
They Rule14-year-old squeegee punks have been trying to tell us for years, but now everybody knows: corporations hate us. The collapse of energy trading giant Enron is a watershed in the history of corporate America because it woke up the whole world. The essential strategy of any corporation is to maintain ...
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 ELECTRIC INDEPENDENCE
Mike Patton, Station 17, Holger Czukay, Einsturzende Neubauten, can, Freibank records, The Modernist, Kreidler, Antonelli Electr., Thomas Fehlmann (ex ORB), Steve Bug, Pole, To Rococo Rot, Denyo 77, Jonny Hawk, Aphex Twin, Woody Guthrie, Tim "Diamond$" Hecker, Algorithm, Jeff Milligan, Akufen, Deadb...
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 THE VICE GUIDE TO GOLD DIGGING
Every time I buy Vogue I spend most of the time looking at the ads. I want all that shit. I'm supposed to want all that shit. That's what the whole male bird/fe- male bird thing is all about. Unfortunately, someone forgot to pay me. How am I supposed to buy Agent Provocateur lingerie on $32k/year? I...
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 HATE YOUR KIDS?
"Blaiw" Saves the Day With a Guy Named GodEver try raisin' a kid? Let's just say it's not exactly a blast. Even the most well-behaved and Christ-loving child can be a handful sometimes. Shit, what if you had three of them? What if one of them had ADHD (attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder) like Lisa Welchel's kids? Well, I guess you...
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 LITERARY
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, NAMBLA Bulletin, 28 Pages,Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Chuck Barris
St. Martin's Press
You must read this book before George does whatever he's going to do to it. Who knows. Maybe George is a genius. He certainly had the imagination and balls to pick this as his pet project. Apparently the book c...
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 I CAN'T STOP CRYING
The Post-Emo Futuristic Folk of Miighty FlashlightOne of the most tired clichés in thinking about rock music goes like this: not a lot of people bought the first Velvet Underground record at the time of its release but everybody who did consequently started a band of their own.
A similar equation can be applied to the early career of Mike ...
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 LET'S GO ALL THE WAY
Immersionists Who Go So Far in They Can't Get OutLike a jackknife disappearing into the dark fissure of society's twisted bowels, the new immersionists are stabbing themselves deep into their subject and not coming out until the wounds heal.
The idea of immersionism has been around since George Orwell lived as a bum for Down and Out in Pa...
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 RECORDINGS FOR DEVIANTS
The Louvin Brothers
Satan Is Real
Hey you! Satan! Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, you punk-ass piece of dog mess. You think you're so big, huh? You think you can just waltz into people's lives and screw things up for them?! Make 'em burn in hell?! Well ... you can't! I didn't ...
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 ON THE ROAD TO ALLAH
Freeway Makes a Pit Stop on the Way to the DeenArguably one of last year's brightest hip hop moments was when Jay-Z brought all of his signees to Funkmaster Flex's Hot 97 program for a massive freestyle session. Although Beans and Bleek did their thing, it was a then -unknown kid named Freeway who stole the show with endless flows, raw wordplay,...
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 TIDBITS
A monthly look at things we love - v9n1LOST AND FOUND – A SPECIAL EDITION OF TIDBITS
Two weeks ago I went to a bar on Avenue A to see if I left my black knapsack there. I've had that bag for 14 years and am extremely bummed that it's gone. As I was rummaging through their lost and found box I spotted something I've wanted...
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 SUDDEN GUST OF WIND: MINISKIRT PATROL
The Brutally Honest Films of Miike TakashiPeople don't just walk out of Miike Takashi's movies, they also vomit and pass out. Pitted against the brutal intensity of Asian cinema's big-hitters, 'Beat' Takeshi and John Woo, Takashi's flicks go way beyond the pale. Jaws drop and stomachs churn when confronted with his mind-bending cinema of at...
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 GAMES
State of EmergencyState of Emergency
Publisher: Rockstar Games
Moments after Rockstar Games finished their first draft of State of Emergency the game was on the news – everywhere. Some retard had gotten a hold of a few screen grabs and assumed the game was based on the riots in Seattle. Because ...
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 THE GREATEST JOB ON EARTH
How to Get Rich in Fast FoodI thoroughly enjoyed working at McDonald's.
I was the manager of an English McDonald's for three years. My brother worked there too and the amount of laughs we had "on the floor" often approached pants-pissing levels. As well as serving customers with my penis hanging out, putting pubic hai...
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 THE SMASHING PUMPKINS ARE DEAD
Finally ZwanBack in 1990 there was a group of devoted guitarists that existed one tier above Maximumrocknroll's scene reports. They loved metal and punk rock but were combining it with hate and drugs to make sounds that were so far ahead of their time they were doomed to be misunderstood. They were either loved...
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 UNLIMITED EDITION
The Unlimited Supply of Hungary EMITo be anything but white in Hungary is to be seriously vexed. Rappers Fekete Vonat (Black Train) know that as well as anyone. EMI Hungary has just refused to release their third album because it's in gypsy and the group is stuck in Eastern Europe, unable to break their contract. ...
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 WE'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT
A World Uprising Starts at the TenenbaumsOn Dec 24th, at New York's Union Square Cinema, a riot broke out. Two hundred people had paid via credit card to see The Royal Tenenbaums, but the computers were down. The underpaid, low- IQ employees had decided to follow company policy and verify each of the 200 credit cards individually by phone,...
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 WINDOW CROSS-DRESSER
AIDSBOT is an Antisocial Disease"I don't like to do things half-assed. Like if I get fucked up, I want my heart to stop and be like this close to dying and come back and be like, Alright, I'm all set."
Miguel Mickey Michael Matos Gambona (a.k.a. AIDSBOT), Window Dresser...
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