SKINEMA

AUTHOR: Chris Nieratko

Super Freaks 10
Dale Jordan
Elegant Angel

When I was in high school I wanted nothing more in this world than to be black. I did just about everything I could to make that dream come true. I’d talk black, wear my pants far past my ass, memorize X Clan lyrics, bad mouth white people and grab my dick when I talked, regardless of who I was talking to. I even swore off dating white devils. There was a time for a few years that I would only date black chicks. I remember this one girlfriend; a dope-ass Nubian princess with an ass that jutted out like a coffee table. It makes my dick hard just thinking about it. The only downside was that her brother and father hated me and resented the fact that she was dating a white boy. I tried time and again to explain that I was no whiter than they were, and that in actuality I was “light-skinned.” But they weren’t buying it and they forbade the girl from seeing me anymore. I wish I knew how to get a hold of her now because she is way hotter than any of the pigs that are in this video, and with the way she gave head she would make such a good porn star. From what I heard she has two kids now, so you know the bitch needs the money. Baby, if you’re reading this, holler at a nigga. Let me get you a job.

Ouch
Francesca Le
Extreme Associates

Chris Rock once said, “I’ll never hit a woman, but I’ll sure shake the shit out of one.” I guess it’s safe to say Chris wouldn’t be too into this movie; it’s a bunch of bitches smacking the shit out of other bitches. And that’s it. I didn’t know if I had gotten a bootleg copy or if I’d read the instructions wrong because there was no fucking to be found anywhere. I even waited for ten minutes after the credits, hoping they hid some fucking at the end of the tape, like skate companies do with skateboard videos. They didn’t. And that made me sad. And yet I wanted to watch the movie again and again. I really enjoyed watching the one blonde chick in the school girl outfit get her ass smacked with a hair brush. It reminded me of that song at the beginning of the first Black Sheep album where the guy is dreaming he’s all tough and shit. Remember when he says, “I kicked her in the pussy and punched her in the eye”? Can you picture how funny that would look if you actually did that to a chick? Man, Black Sheep was the best. Why did they have to die?

Transsexual Dream Girls
Chimera Chase
OGV

I’ve been having a really weird week. The other night at my birthday party a guy I don’t know so well buys me a drink. He’s completely wasted and a mess. He keeps spitting in my ear and telling me I should hook up with his wife, who is right next to him and looking good enough to eat raw. And she’s just smiling, like she’s into it. And I’m like, “OK, this is bizarre and unsettling.” And just then he grabs my hand and sticks it up his wife’s dress and still she smiled. That’s when I got real creeped out. I mean, I’ve fucked married women, divorced women, women unsure if they should get married in the morning as planned and I’ve never had a problem with it, so long as I didn’t know the guy. I mean, that’s perfectly normal, right? But in this situation, where I actually knew the guy and hung out with him a few times, I felt completely fucked up. No, I felt like dirtbag piece of shit. And it made me wonder why he would offer his wife to me, of all people? If he knew that I haven’t been laid in over two months and that I’m so horny I probably wouldn’t even use lube or a condom when sodomizing his wife, I’m sure he wouldn’t have offered her up. Aside from that, I ate some moldy bread on Sunday and rode in a Mercedes for the first time. I don’t know, I guess it hasn’t been that weird of a week. That is, if you think it’s normal getting a porno of really hot chicks and finding out the hard way that it’s a bunch of chicks with dicks.

< PREVIOUS

MORE FROM THIS ISSUE

NEXT >