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Making out with chicks at parties is the best because you get to do all the fun introductory stuff without getting in shit for not being able to get it up. Comments/Enlarge | See all


How did he do that? Not just make frayed letters on his jeans, but how did he become this kind of person without anyone wedgie-ing him off course?
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ALSO BY LESLEY ARFIN

DEAR DIARY
Entry: September 12, 1995
DEAR DIARY
Entry: 1990
DEAR DIARY
Entry: 1991
DEAR DIARY
Entry: December 1994

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DOS & DON'TS

The best thing about giving up booze for a couple months isn’t the better sleep or the lack of hangovers or saving money. It’s having a wee sip of your first drink of 2008 and it being so fucking delicious you want to pop your eyeballs out of your head so you can drink them as well.Comments/Enlarge | See all


HEROIN CANDY

Freezepop Make Cute a Necessity




For all ye olde indie rockers jonesing for that Tiger Trap/Tuscadero-esque sound, Freezepop have arrived with your fix. They are the type of band you may want to hate at first like ABBA or The Strokes, but can’t resist devouring until you have a stomachache. They’re like a combination of Human League and My Little Pony. All of their sounds come from a Twinkie-sized box called a QY70, and vocalist Liz Enthusiasm’s voice will make you feel as though someone had just shot you up with a lethal dose of pixie dust gathered from a chocolate-covered honey cloud.

VICE: What’s with those names? (The Other Sean T. Drinkwater, The Duke of Candied Apples, Liz Enthusiasm)

Sean, Duke and Liz: These are our real names.

Who are you people? I’ve never heard music like this before. What’s this QY70 thing?

Duke: The challenge of the QY70 lies in that I have to compose and program within the confines of the hardware/software. I only have 8 sequence tracks, 3 effects, and 128 sounds to work with. With only this small amount to work with I have to be very creative in the sound design and programming to make complete songs emerge.

What kind of music do you listen to for inspiration?

Sean, Duke, Liz: Depeche Mode, Abba, Weezer, Johnny Marr, Kraftwerk, Scott Walker, Japanese girlie pop like Takako Minekawa, Kahimi Karie, Yukari Fresh; the list goes on and on…

I notice there’s not a lot of guitars in there. Do you hate guitars?

Sean: Since the backlash in 1991 things finally seem to be settling down, although angry-young-men-with-guitars bullshit seems to be holding strong on Total Request Live, so maybe we’re not quite in the clear yet.

-but Tracey Gold (the ex-anorexic from Growing Pains) plays guitar now and you sing passionately about her-

Duke: I have to admit I did watch a great deal of Growing Pains and can admit to a “fascination” with Miss Gold. Well, it’s really “Mrs.” now. I was upset that people like Winona Ryder got all the attention song-wise and felt I should do something about that void.

What other guilty pleasures do you have?

Sean: Journey, the 1976 version of King Kong, Star Wars action figures (new and old), Nutrasweet, being in Lifestyle.

Liz: I like going to the mall, especially stores like Hot Topic. I own a Savage Garden CD. I’m still very sad that 90210 got cancelled.

What is the one question you wish I would ask right now?

“You wanna come over?”

LESLEY ARFIN
Look for Freezepop Forever on Boston’s Archenemy Records, out now.

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