In the grand tradition of GB Jones' The Yo-Yo Gang and Katrina Del Mar's Gang Girls 2000, there's a new badass dyke caper in town. It's called Hair Burners and, in the words of its hotshot writer and director/fashion photographer Ned Ambler, it is "retarded." Hair Burners stars NYC punk vets Theo and Squid of the Lunachicks as a couple of jive-talking escaped-convicts who go on the lam, fight a lot, befriend a naked transsexual, kill some men with witchcraft, open a beauty salon called The Pink Na Na in a chi-chi upstate New York town, have a wild pansexual party in the woods while it's raining and then run off to a cornfield to make-out and live happily ever after -- all to a Princess Superstar soundtrack.
Hot-stuff Squid has cornrows and acts like Queen Latifah's lezzie character in Set It Off, talking in a really low butch voice and saying stuff like, "No we ain't going to no fuckin' Iowas 'n shit! Flocko's got a fuckin' pimp-ass cousin named Ricco in fuckin' Boise, aiight? It's a pussy-ass state anyway." Glamorous Theo is her high-femme girlfriend and is an equally believable wigger with a gold tooth, hooker 'do, lacquered talons and choice comeback lines like "What you lookin' at, bitch?" Then there's the crazy old lady with a mohawk named Phylli playing the witchy Aunt Minnie, who rivals the legendary Edith Massey in bizarre behaviorisms and weirdly-delivered lines.
Though Ambler says the film is about the "hybridization of our culture" we like it cuz it's a fun-filled trashy romp that'll make you sad John Waters got old. Hair Burners is showing all around the world in various film festivals, or if you're in NYC, you can rent it from Kim's.
LEZZIE McCREWCUT
Check nedambler.com for more details.
