FEUDAL DELUSIONSMissile-Making Samurai Hideyoshi Hashiba is Ready for War (Page 2 of 2) 
It sounds like you became a scholar of missile manufacturing.
Of course! I read books about what sort of threat these missiles pose. I learned all about weapons. I’m also aware of the different missile systems—from very simple ones to things like moon rockets. How powerful are your missiles?
I can’t tell you exactly since we’ve never actually fired them before, but I believe in my heart that if a Taepodong missile flew at a northern latitude of 45 degrees and an altitude of 12.5 miles above the Tsugaru Strait, my missiles are capable of shooting it down with just a two-inch margin of error. When I did a mental test fire in my head, they were as destructive as depleted uranium bombs. So that’s what I believe. Do you ever get an itchy trigger finger?
Not really. Of course, if a Taepodong missile were to fly over my head then I wouldn’t think twice about it. The Odagawa Domain is a military state, but a peaceful one. What were you doing when North Korea test-launched its latest missile?
I was within the boundaries of the Odagawa Domain. I was prepared for war but also ready to take cover. You see, I’ve been interviewed by Korea’s public broadcaster, KBS, several times, and on some occasions I’ve shown our missiles and tanks and declared that I’m always ready to fight Kim Jong-il. That’s what we like to hear. Were you contacted before the most recent North Korean launch?
A Korean journalist called me and suggested that there was a 5-percent possibility that the Odagawa Domain would be considered a target for the next North Korean missile. I’m sure that the North Koreans have been watching my interviews on KBS. So in order to keep my customers safe from harm, we decided to close Odagawa Onsen Hotel just in case the Taepodong did fly into the Domain. But the real reason for our temporary closure was a ruptured pipe that froze over the winter and had to be repaired. In any case, my decisions are always directed in terms of my role as a state leader. You must have been relieved when the missile passed you by.
How shall I put this? Well, I was certainly furious at Kim Jong-il when the missile not only flew over Odagawa Domain but also passed Japan. If I were the defense minister of this country, I would hope that I could at least take some sort of action. Japan might be the second-largest economic power in the world, but when it comes to defense, we don’t even have proper provisions in place. Even North Korea calls our Self-Defense Forces “a herd of dogs.” Any plans for expanding your weapons facilities?
We have a large cistern within the Odagawa Domain, so I hope to one day build two Aegis ships and keep them anchored there and also build an aircraft carrier. I’ve actually designed the whole thing based on plastic models, but I’ll be building the real thing soon. I’ve already purchased the building blocks. The ships will be around 30 to 35 feet in diameter. While this sounds small, they’ll still be able to carry people and will be either manually controlled or remote controlled. Our tank holds six people, so hopefully the ships will carry around the same number of passengers. Can your tank shoot proper ammunition?
No. It is armed with cannons and missiles, but if I could actually shoot real ammunition from it, I’d be prosecuted under something much more severe than weapons violation. The important thing here was to make something as realistic as possible, but only as a hobby. What are your plans for the future?
I want to run for governor of Osaka prefecture and become the owner of Osaka Castle, where Hideyoshi used to live. If by any chance this plan doesn’t work, then the Odagawa clan will invade Osaka by military force. We’ll dock about five battleships in Osaka harbor, unload five or six tanks, and march to Osaka Castle. Good luck with that one.
See all articles by this contributor Anonymous, on Nov 15, 2009 wrote:
Not really surprising. When you nuke a country there are bound to be mental health issues in the aftermath. | | Anonymous, on Jul 7, 2009 wrote:
what is that huge missle behind him actually? i doubt its really an interplanetary missile... | | Anonymous, on Jul 7, 2009 wrote:
HAHAHA. 12 Patriot missiles that don’t fly. You gotta hope they land on them and you aren’t in the vicinity. | | Anonymous, on Jul 7, 2009 wrote:
let’s kidnap kim jong-il and have them fight hand to hand. i’m putting all my money on hideyoshi. | | Anonymous, on Jul 7, 2009 wrote:
I dont care what kind of crazy shit youre wearing, you pose with a gun like that infront of a bunch of missles, youre defintely a badass | | Anonymous, on Jul 7, 2009 wrote:
if youve read catch 22, youd know that knowing that youre crazy automatically means that youre not crazy | |
| TheDon, on Jul 7, 2009 wrote:
I dont know how serious this guy is, but i would still never fuck with him | | Anonymous, on Jul 7, 2009 wrote:
this dude is hard. he gives himself demerits if he oversleeps i heard. | | Anonymous, on Jul 6, 2009 wrote:
I want to go to Japan and visit this guy | |
| bum tickler, on Jul 6, 2009 wrote:
are galoshes standard japanese military wear? everything else is so to a t and then... galoshes. | |
| komodo, on Jul 2, 2009 wrote:
he’s great but i wouldn’t want to visit and forget to take my shoes off. no telling what he’d do to you. | | Anonymous, on Jul 2, 2009 wrote:
Knowing you’re crazy doesn’t mean you aren’t crazy. It’s means you’re crazy and down with being crazy. It doesn’t bother you. So, in a way, it’s kind of being a badass. | | Anonymous, on Jul 1, 2009 wrote:
he’s crazy, yet he KNOWS he’s crazy.. so is he still crazy then? | | Anonymous, on Jul 1, 2009 wrote:
so does this dude actually believe he is the reincarnated Hideyoshi or does he just wanna be a lot like him | | Anonymous, on Jun 30, 2009 wrote:
PHOTOS COURTESY OF HIDEYOSHI HASHIBA
That’s awesome. Not only does he have an arsenal of rockets that don’t work but he hired someone to take these badass portraits of him. I hope he has one of them blown up and framed over his bed or toilet. | |
| gnarwhal, on Jun 30, 2009 wrote:
it would be rad if he had his own fake nuclear hotline too that instantly called in take-out orders from the local rice joint. | | Anonymous, on Jun 29, 2009 wrote:
nice. | | Anonymous, on Jun 26, 2009 wrote:
He has enough ammo in this picture to last about 12 minutes. Lets just hope he doesn’t get trigger happy | | Anonymous, on Jun 26, 2009 wrote:
You know in movies when the asshole stoner and the taco bell window operator happen to be crossing paths at the time of the apocalypse? And you know its going to be ok because for some reason, you get along---well enough to survive! I hope to god that when the world ends, I will be crossing paths with this Military Industrial Complex they call a man. | | Anonymous, on Jun 26, 2009 wrote:
This guys got a nuclear warhead? | | Anonymous, on Jun 26, 2009 wrote:
"When I first bought land in Aoyama prefecture, there weren’t any paved roads. It was a beautiful place, though, and leaving it in that state was such a waste. I decided to make some roads, develop the mountainous areas, and build my own house". Is this shit for real? How would he do this all on his own? | | Anonymous, on Jun 26, 2009 wrote:
Even with that wild get up and, thats a bad ass picture | | Anonymous, on Jun 26, 2009 wrote:
How in anyway was this guys life similair to a 16th century ruler? Dosent the fact that he was in jail for a corruption scam show that their lives might have had a little bit different? | | |
| TheDon, on Jun 26, 2009 wrote:
Is this guy just compltely self-delusional or was he really able to pull off everything he claims to have done? | |
| rufiomania, on Jun 26, 2009 wrote:
god i wish he was my long lost uncle. shooting blanks has never been this rad! | | Anonymous, on Jun 25, 2009 wrote:
how does this guy have money for any of this stuff? | |
| el guapo, on Jun 23, 2009 wrote:
holy shit is this guy a badass. if there was a country full of guys like him no one would dare fuck with them, fake missiles or no fake missiles. | | Anonymous, on Jun 23, 2009 wrote:
obviously this guy is an old nazi...
the flag on his leg is an old japan flag from the times when japan was an ally of nazi-germany, and i think he has a swastika on his arm.
and your comments prove that in our heard we all like the nazi`s attitudes towards life | | Anonymous, on Jun 23, 2009 wrote:
obviously this guy is an old nazi...
the flag on his leg is an old japan flag from the times when japan was an ally of nazi-germany, and i think he has a swastika on his arm.
and your comments prove that in our heard we all like the nazi`s attitudes towards life | | Anonymous, on Jun 22, 2009 wrote:
Are those pathes on his shoulder showing the flag of nazi germany? | | | Next 30 comments > |
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