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Itsi and his galactic wang.
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SABERSEGGING
The Two Greatest Inventions of All Time, Together at Last
BY JASON CROMBIE
When history looks back at our quaint little era, it will focus on two things, the two most outstanding technological achievements of mankind: Segways and lightsabers. Segways are the chariots of the modern age, and lightsabers are the sabers of the modern age. Why hasn’t anyone thought to combine them? Well, we have. We have thought to combine them into a genius new sport called Sabersegging that we here at Vice magazine have invented. Copyright: us. Step 1 was inventing this genius game (done), and step 2 was sending Vice correspondent Jason Crombie off to become the first Sabersegger ever in existence. Take it away, Crombo.
Before you can Saberseg, you must first master both Segging and sabering. Itsi Atkins is a horny, gnomelike gentleman and New York’s foremost Segway instructor. He’s actually New York’s only Segway instructor, since no one else wants to do it. It was difficult to master the art of the Segway, not because I’m a slow learner or anything, but because Itsi was primarily concerned with teaching the two ladies who were there with me. I kept asking for a go but Itsi couldn’t or wouldn’t hear me. He was too busy telling Amy and Gabi to “show us your girls.” According to Itsi, Segways are controlled by sticking your boobs out as far as possible. At one point Itsi actually jumped on a Segway behind Amy and did a reach-around move like the pottery scene from Ghost, only not as consensual. It’s also worth mentioning that later on, Itsi produced a large leather paddle, which he used to strike the ladies’ bottoms as they whizzed past on the Segways. I am not making this up. Itsi has a thing for paddlin’, and he explained that in his free time he likes to participate in a little light Segway S&M.
See all articles by this contributor Anonymous, on May 7, 2009 wrote:
itsi is definitely not married (which is no problem) but it’s funny how you can tell. and may or may not have a couple children who are embarrassed of him | | Anonymous, on May 6, 2009 wrote:
I keep hearing about this Woooo Magazine, how do I get my hands on a copy?. Should probably just google right? Is it a Vice thing? | | Anonymous, on May 5, 2009 wrote:
No, thats jason. I know him. He said the article was pretty much completely rewritten by one of the editors. he was super bummed. | | Anonymous, on May 5, 2009 wrote:
It’s the same guy as Wooo, watch the video. | | Anonymous, on May 5, 2009 wrote:
this doesn’t read like the guy that does wooo magazine. he’s way funnier. | | Anonymous, on May 5, 2009 wrote:
Jason Crombie is the dude that makes Wooooo Magazine. | | Anonymous, on May 4, 2009 wrote:
wow, those look like some fancy ass lightsabers. none of those fold out kid’s toys crap | |
| aahhhhB, on May 4, 2009 wrote:
Im glad people are finally capitalizing on the greatness of segways. they are so underrated and under appreciated. | | Anonymous, on May 4, 2009 wrote:
sabersegging is a great pseudo-sport for old people or even fatties. its ALMOST like exercise, but not really | | Anonymous, on May 1, 2009 wrote:
Itsi here, if you want to be a NYC SegPerv contact me at www.segwaynyc.com | | Anonymous, on May 1, 2009 wrote:
Itsi here, if you want to be a NYC SegPerv contact me at www.segwaynyc.com | | Anonymous, on May 1, 2009 wrote:
And yet they still haven’t taught you that high school is two words. Must be a 1st-year college thing. | | Anonymous, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
I’m in highschool and I write better than this douche. plus the concept was cool but he fucked it hard. | | Anonymous, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
better yet, put a dildo on the front and a whole new actvity and fetish has been invented: dare i say, the saberseg-shag. why don’t you run your poon on over and let’s get started! | | Anonymous, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
im thinking that itsy is into the kinky shit for reals! look at the smirk on him, he has seen some things thats for sure | |
| badmandan, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
i want to see a segway disco like the old school roller disco, i think it would be hilarious(ly tragic) | | Anonymous, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
ive got to ask, why? this sabersegging looks like the least amount of fun ever, as the guy below says though each to their own. | | Anonymous, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
i think this looks awesome. get a little baked and grab your saber, would be hilarious i know i would get too involved and carried away. | | Anonymous, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
"like the pottery scene from Ghost, only not as consensual. "
hahahaha... and snap | | Anonymous, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
i have a question. if you are black are you automatically lando calrission? that dude sucked. and he creeps all the ladies out, and let’s be honest, there aren’t a lot of jedi options out there to start with. | |
| The Host, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
Itsi’s galactic wang isn’t too bitsi. His sperm must be like fireflies Michael Phelpsing up the fellopian tubes. | | Anonymous, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
the only way this could be any better was if it was on hoverboards | | Anonymous, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
"Move the furniture Betty! The Saberseggers are coming over!" | |
| poozer, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
george w bush would really suck at this sport. he’d be a better evil emperor and he probably has the technology to shoot lightning bolts from his fingers from daddy’s time as cia chief. | | Anonymous, on Apr 30, 2009 wrote:
looks like a glowstick penis. a glowdick i guess. i glow pussy would be cool too for those drunken lights off nights. | |
| Daniel 44, on Apr 27, 2009 wrote:
Hi there,
I will stand as a representitive of the group. Feel free to come by our website www.saberwars.com.
To help clarify some areas of confusion.
1. We generally wear comfertable clothing for practices, namely t-shirts knee pads , and sweats. Costumes are mostly used for shows and cons. At the cons we put on shows and demonstrations.
2. I would say that we put in as much effort as any organization generally does. Be it a sport group (basketball, base ball team. A music instrument guitare , drums)
3. I have to say that I have had a really fun time with the group. Practices run through out the month, where we bring out particular area of knowledge and share it with the group. Persoanlly I have been fencing for 10 years, so I share what i know to the groups. Others bring their knowledge in a variety of martial arts or stage experience to the group.
In the end you meet alot of fun and nice people, that are willing to share what they know.
So check out the web page, you might like what you see. | | Anonymous, on Apr 27, 2009 wrote:
Unfortuantly they do not have a chapter around where I live, or I would enjoy something like the lightsaber thing, not the segway. Jumped on their page they seem like a pretty good gorup of people that are having some fun. I look at it one way, any activity requires some clothes and or equipement. I would not say that the guys that i see on the ice around me playing hockey is any less involved in their hobby. They are not playing professional, they are having fun.
So any reinactment group is below you. So what is it that entertains you? I am sure some would have some thought or another about your activities, and you probally would not enjoy suck comments. I would say it is not for us to judge, or at the very least be school yard children about such things.
Pooo Pooo - again it once again falls down to child like behavior. But hey I guess some people are like that.
Me I only wrote because it irks me when i see people covered in anonymity decide that they could be rude just because they can say things. Kind of reminds me of that old saying..... If you have nothing nice to say...... well you know the rest...
Now i respect everyone’s right to freedom of speech, at least be constructive about it. | | Anonymous, on Apr 27, 2009 wrote:
glowing light up segway?!?! how do i get one? | | Anonymous, on Apr 27, 2009 wrote:
the only thing lamer than segging, is "headsegging"... see proof in picture 4 | |
| boggle_brains, on Apr 27, 2009 wrote:
the two greatest inventions?? or the two nerdiest inventions... lets be real | | | Next 30 comments > |
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