PHOTOS BY ED ZIPCO
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Girl Challenger #1: Liz
It would’ve been real nice to end this experiment on a positive note but alas the helmet clunked around my noggin and slipped over my eyes and the train on the dress dragged a good foot behind me. The two times I left my apartment to walk my dog I felt like a superhero as the excess polyester fabric whipped around me in the wind, but I kept tripping on it inside, where I stayed all day to rearrange furniture and hide. I was invited to some crazy party inside an inflatable castle, but I knew if I went dressed like this I wouldn’t have a date again for the next two years. So I stayed in, waiting to be reborn again in the new tomorrow. |
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Girl Challenger #2: Jamie
Went to MoMA in shiny jumpsuit to look at art. My friends cracked up each time they looked at me. I realized this whole experiment was a bit S&M-y. I kept getting little emails from Liz telling me how to wear my hair, makeup, etc. Pretty soon we’ll be reenacting scenes from Secretary.
At a friend’s party later, people kept giving me compliments. One guy liked my futuristic vibe, another thought I looked like Grace Slick. My hairstylist friend was overjoyed when I told her she could have the thing once I was done with it.
Struck by a sudden death flu, I passed out in a friend’s bed after one drink. Woke up and rode my bike home, kept thinking I’d have to pull over and puke. Wondered if I could build a career as an ugliness consultant. Whenever a movie needed to make a cute girl really ugly, like Charlize Theron in Monster, they’d call me. OK, time to barf. |
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Boy Challenger #1: Phil
Even though I didn’t leave the house for most of the day (still a little sore about my velvet-induced chest rash), I wore this outfit the whole time. I mean, it’s a lady’s pajama shirt and glorified sweatpants. I looked like an asshole, but it was pretty comfortable. In fact, these pants are the only thing I’m keeping. They’re good warm pajama pants for the winter even if they’re the color of baby diarrhea and the texture of an old dishrag you’ve been using to clean mold out of the sink.
The problem came when we decided to go out that night. My silky muscle shirt and Rocco’s pink-chiffon-and-mustache combo were like catnip to the eight guys who hit on us. Eventually we started telling them that we were together and they left us alone. It even started to become true, as the night wore on and the drinks got drunk. By the end of the night, there may or may not have been some dry humping on the dance floor. I’m blaming the clothes. |
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Boy Challenger #2: Rocco
Yesterday’s grandma feelings were nothing compared to today’s. If yesterday was comforting, warm-cookies-and-milk grandma, today was washed-up Mexican-telenovela grandma. The billowing flamingo-pink shirt on its own would have been enough, but when Phil paired it with the same fucking pants again I almost lost it. I got lucky when he let me wear a black tank top under it, which is saying a lot about how skewed my perspective on luck is this week.
I did my laundry and I got some looks. But no one said anything! I bet people thought I had run out of normal clean clothes.
Me and Phil went out that night, and of course we kept getting hit on by dudes. Whatever, I got a couple of free drinks out of it. One guy was more cautious, and asked if Phil and I were together before making a move. We realized they’d leave us alone if we told them we in fact were, so we did. At that point, I really started missing the red pants and all the girls that had come with them. |
WEAR DARE | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
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