PUNK CRAWLAn Unintelligible Dispatch From an Aussie Mohican
BY NIQUE NEEDLES JR., PHOTOS BY SAMUEL F. THORNE
Got to fang out with all me mates today at the pub crawl. Falmin Galahs. Fuckin’ happy as pigs in mud. Oi… Mike and Garry the cunts were well maggott’d and on about their new band they shoulda asked me to be in. No time anyway. Got on for young and old with the missus, turfed on me arse, and been short as hell on coin. Now I’m living in a squat with no idiot box but fuck it. After six pints I didn’t care about nothin’ anyway. Viv’s band Rancid Hands gigged the Rochester and fuckin’ nailed it. They played “Stupid Dickhead” and “You Got a Buck?” and we chucked beer and food at ’em. Then I spewed up guts half on Elizabeth St. half on Fred. Fucking brilliant I reck’n coz then I was free to get full as a Goog when Noleen tossed me arse on a tram to the city. Mate, the commuters had a shit! Off the tram, one of the fellas didn’t chuck his pint and the coppers saw. Fuckin’ best Punk Pub Crawl in history ’cept for these rough-as-guts pigs who went hammer-and-tongs bananas. Straight in me fucking mug with that capsicum shit! Hurt more’n gettin’ a rod shoved up the dick. Stan, Nick, and Dave got into a barney and hauled off to fair dinks but I shut my gob coz I don’t need any more fuckin’ trouble.
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Sid and Noleen having a bonza time at the Rochester.
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Rancid Hands getting pissed.
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Duncan getting arrested at the tram stop.
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The pigs getting loose with the mace.
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 Anonymous, on May 21, 2009 wrote:
This right here is exactly why I hate bands and the people in them. Hilarious. | | Anonymous, on Mar 6, 2009 wrote:
I have a feeling he deserved it. | | Anonymous, on Mar 6, 2009 wrote:
cops are dogs. that shit hurts so bad | |
| Taylor Gibbons, on Mar 5, 2009 wrote:
dear punk: the bombs didn’t actually fall in your hometown, no one needs post-apocalyptic scavenger gangs throwing two dollar hot dogs around in a club with air conditioning and 2000 a month rent. what do you think you are doing? socially you occupy the same breathing space as a poster of a surfboarding armadillo that has the power to insult me, if those existed, and i’m glad they don’t, AND THAT’S WHAT I THINK OF YOU | | Anonymous, on Mar 4, 2009 wrote:
these are the people ruining punk erghh | | Anonymous, on Feb 18, 2009 wrote:
Um... oi? | |
| gnarwhal, on Feb 17, 2009 wrote:
you people whine like the author personally shat in your mom’s open mouth while she napped on the hammock. it’s just a photo piece for god’s sake, and two of the photos are great. | | Anonymous, on Feb 17, 2009 wrote:
the mace photo is awesome! | | Anonymous, on Feb 17, 2009 wrote:
who took over the vice thing? this is less than shit. i only post in the hopes of things getting better, in support of better days | | Anonymous, on Feb 16, 2009 wrote:
Of couse they talk like that when their all shitted up, you dink!50 is the new 25 so I can back and fuck all the ones I missed back in the day! | | Anonymous, on Feb 16, 2009 wrote:
"I thought a punk was someone who took it up the ass." - William Burroughs | | Anonymous, on Feb 16, 2009 wrote:
Punk’s dead... yer next! | | Anonymous, on Feb 14, 2009 wrote:
this IS how the average aussie talks! don’t deny it! | | Anonymous, on Feb 14, 2009 wrote:
That might be the worst thing I’ve ever read. Everything about it is terrible. | | Anonymous, on Feb 13, 2009 wrote:
Thats authentic english/aussie gutter slang.
Punk is the only punk stuff left you conformists.
Lets criticize them for being weird and different, maybe make them more like us? | |
| paddym, on Feb 13, 2009 wrote:
Worse than people who followed the Dead around all those years... | | Anonymous, on Feb 13, 2009 wrote:
look at that "girl" with her devil lock and skinny side burn!! i don’t even know where to begin to make fun of her. | | Anonymous, on Feb 13, 2009 wrote:
i’m confused | | Anonymous, on Feb 12, 2009 wrote:
this is written by an american trying to hard to be aussie. or its an aussie writing it as a joke, knowing that some people may actually think we talk like that.
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| Dick Butkus, on Feb 12, 2009 wrote:
I thought ska was all about Jesus. Now it’s about getting drunk? | | Anonymous, on Feb 12, 2009 wrote:
punk is a suburban fantasy. | | Anonymous, on Feb 12, 2009 wrote:
there’s a thin line between studded and bedazzled and that first collar is toeing the line pretty fucking closely | | Anonymous, on Feb 12, 2009 wrote:
what is that thing on the old guy’s head? | | Anonymous, on Feb 12, 2009 wrote:
Rancid Hands rendition of My Heart Will Go on is to die for- I literally tried to kill myself during the didgeridoo solo....why havent we declared war on these dingo lickers yet? | | Anonymous, on Feb 12, 2009 wrote:
it’s no longer punk when you hit 50, it’s just pathetic. | |
| tanger, on Feb 12, 2009 wrote:
like the great david berman said, "punk rock died when the first kid said ’punk’s not dead’" | | Anonymous, on Feb 12, 2009 wrote:
last of the mohicans, i can only hope | | Anonymous, on Feb 12, 2009 wrote:
just because you’re a punk doesn’t mean you can’t use proper grammar. this fellas lost one to many boxing matches with the local kangaroos, and appears to be reduced to the incoherent jabbering of a sputtering crack baby. | | Anonymous, on Feb 12, 2009 wrote:
if you’re not puking on or throwing flaming bottles of poop at the coppers, why even bother joining the after-school punk club? crikey | | Anonymous, on Feb 12, 2009 wrote:
Much like the Catholic Big Hat Hierarchy, the length of a punks spikes signifies not only his love for shitty music, but also his dedication to looking like a fucktard | | | Next 30 comments > |
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