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THE DESSERT PSYCHO

Punk Drummer Transforms Into World-Class Chef With Alarming Swiftness

BY SAM MCPHEETERS, PHOTOS BY GLEN E. FRIEDMAN



I’ve worked in just enough restaurants to recognize an abnormally large pastry station when I see one. It was January, and I was standing in the kitchen below Del Posto, one of New York’s—and thus the world’s—most prestigious restaurants. The spotless counter before me was at least a dozen feet long, and the region it bordered—stainless-steel shelves, ovens, a bulky Fusion freezer on wheels that no one seemed very happy with—was now ruled by my old friend Brooks Headley, the head pastry chef here for the past year. Although I’d been sure to rib him about his rubber clogs and double-ply running socks on the way in, this was pretty much just a defense mechanism against the disconnect of seeing someone I’ve known for a long time in a position of exalted authority.

It was hard to shake the feeling that I was constantly getting in the way, despite the spooky indifference of passing staff. Employees flowed around me without eye contact, silent except for occasional murmurs of “behind” to indicate that they needed to get to a cabinet I happened to be blocking with my body. It felt like I was interfering with the duties of a beehive. When I expressed this concern to Brooks, he seemed amused.

“No, man, everyone here is terrified of a guy writing stuff down.”

He was right. My small notebook guarded me from scrutiny. That’s why no one gave me so much as a glance. When I had to cross the kitchen back to the restroom, I made sure to conspicuously carry the notebook in front of me. Later, when that still didn’t seem sufficient protection from sudden ejection, I held the notebook and pen in both hands like props, and used my Looking for Frank face (vigilant, stern, scanning the periphery) to assert my right to stay.

Brooks led me on the rounds of his prep. Navigating the hubbub of the kitchen felt like being inside an episode of The West Wing. In a dry storage room, we paused before thousands of dollars’ worth of glittering olive oil. The entire kitchen had the eerie cleanliness of a private hospital, its floors without stains. I’ve worked in as many restaurants as Brooks, but always on the ass end of the labor equation: dishwashing, busing, mopping. Before this day, I’d never been in the back of any restaurant that didn’t smell of garbage and wet rubber mats and ammonia. When I inquired about industrial can openers, I was told there were none—they get too dirty. The spotless trash vestibule smelled like a waiting room and was air-conditioned in January. If Brooks had told me to pull up a chair here for the rest of the day, I would’ve been quite comfortable.

In a smaller prep area adjacent to a walk-in freezer, I audited a session of juicing for something called the Collezione, the Collections Menu, a $175, three-hour-plus dining experience that ended with a stack of goodies in an “INY” bag (“after three hours, all those foods, of course you’re gonna fucking love New York”). According to the terminology of elite dining, the translucent emerald-green essence of celery and apple is a “soup,” not “juice.” The conversation swung around to the stereotypes of restaurant workers. “You could say the most horrible, racist joke you wouldn’t even tell a junkie,” Brooks explained of his lofty cooking environment. “But you wouldn’t even joke about spitting in someone’s food.” After the juicing/souping, he produced a frosty metal canister of blood-orange sorbet he’d whipped up earlier. When he extracted the spoon, a thick curl of fluorescent magenta gloop dangled before us. “That’s the hang.” Brooks said with some satisfaction. This was a function of dextrose, I later learned, leading to a taste that was less sweet than granulated—a phenomenon confined to the universe of Italian gelato. Ice cream has no hang. He grinned. “The hang is totally the shit.”




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Comments

Anonymous, on Nov 20, 2009 wrote:
He really is a great chef. Along with Jennifer Yee at Aureole and Tiffany MacIssac (Cru, Allen & Delancey), one of my favorite pastry chefs.
Anonymous, on Nov 19, 2009 wrote:
there’s wasabi icecream, too.
Anonymous, on Nov 19, 2009 wrote:
hmm. like it. (article & sorbet).
Anonymous, on Nov 18, 2009 wrote:
This is awesome. Brooks Headly rules. Oldest sounds amazing.
Anonymous, on Nov 18, 2009 wrote:
ew... extended shit
tallywacker, on Nov 18, 2009 wrote:
yeah, no shit. that’s what the maple leaf just said. i like to think of long vice articles as shit-extenders.
Anonymous, on Nov 18, 2009 wrote:
No effin’ way. Brooks is a dessert chef? That’s my goal in case this art thing doesn’t pan out..
Thanks Sam, love seeing your name here again too.

-SeanCapone
Anonymous, on Nov 18, 2009 wrote:
yeah it’s lengthy for vice, but i wish they’d do more like this. i always love their long articles because they’re rewarding without being boring.
Eh?TL, on Nov 18, 2009 wrote:
McPheeters’ pieces are always so intimidating in length but pay off so well. Another winner, Sam.
Anonymous, on Nov 18, 2009 wrote:
I’m seriously salivating over the chocolate pistachio things.
enstigator, on Nov 18, 2009 wrote:
anyone that’s worked in the service industry will tell you the same thing in regard to the "getting away with anything but fucking with someone’s food." in my old days of restaurant work i never saw or heard of anyone doing it and even when someone new joked about it a hush would fall over the rest of the crew and the rookie would know to never utter a word of it again. sure, once you’re out of earshot you’ll call them every name in the book, be it racist or not. no one cares. everyone does it. you have to relieve your frustrastions somehow when dealing with the many, many shitheads that like to eat outside of their home. usually, the regulars make up for it but there are always the assholes that make you want to rip your hair out.
daddybourbon, on Nov 16, 2009 wrote:
this guy is awesome
Anonymous, on Nov 15, 2009 wrote:
afternoon delight!!!
brooks and a can of bud is golden times!
young_ginns, on Nov 13, 2009 wrote:
the author apparently forgot to mention brooks’ time spent as lead drummist for feminist skinhead band YDL.
donaghy, on Nov 11, 2009 wrote:
it’s not often i get to see carrots in the bugs bunny style.
Anonymous, on Nov 10, 2009 wrote:
best drummer ever. best chef ever.
Anonymous, on Nov 10, 2009 wrote:
What we need is a new chef critic!
Anonymous, on Nov 9, 2009 wrote:
Universal Order of Armageddon is the shit.
Anonymous, on Nov 9, 2009 wrote:
this guy fucking rules.
Anonymous, on Nov 9, 2009 wrote:
Finally! A celery ice cream recipe! Thanks for finally getting on that one, Vice.

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