NEWSLETTER

by mamilton horris photo by maggie lee

This is a touchy subject, I know. Largely because everybody seems to think that at some point they have been given an adulterated drug. Everyone who has done enough LSD will tell you they have dropped a blotter with strychnine, everyone who has smoked a little weed will claim to have once smoked PCP, and everyone who has been to a rave has been slipped a roofie. Now, I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, it does. But the vast majority of the time, your “PCP-laced” weed was just weed, your “dirty” LSD was just LSD, and your “roofied” drink was just alcohol.

A study conducted in the UK analyzed the urine of 75 women who reported having been slipped a date-rape drug. The study found that exactly zero of them had been given Rohypnol, GHB, or ketamine. Almost all of them were extremely drunk, though. A similar study found sedatives that had been taken involuntarily in less than 2 percent of the cases. These studies are hardly infallible, and again I’m not saying it never happens, but all signs seem to indicate the most popular date-rape drug is sold legally at every bar on the planet!

So if the majority of date rapes in 1994 are perpetrated under the influence of alcohol, why pretend otherwise? Because it’s an easy way to prohibit inconveniently fun drugs. Who wants to be the asshole who stands up in court to defend the supposed tools of a date rapist? Nobody. In fact, a similar tactic could be used for almost any unwanted drug: If we have date-rape drugs, why not jaywalking drugs or stabbing-people-in-the-face drugs? Could it be that the real problem behind date rape… is rapists?

That said, I am quite experienced with today’s most popular so-called date-rape drugs, and I thought I would share a few of my experiences with them. So let’s open the date rapist’s malevolent medicine cabinet to see what delectable potions he might employ, shall we?


KETAMINE
Special K, Kit-Kat, K, Kitty

Is this a joke? Am I even going to dignify this with a response? Fine, I will. The idea of using ketamine as a date-rape drug is so totally weird, so twisted, that there must be a separate level of hell for people who do this. I suppose it’s technically possible, but just thinking about the logistics of pouring half a gram of bitter ketamine into someone’s drink, the victim somehow not noticing, and then waiting through the half hour of janky and nauseating come-up before they are semi-comatose is totally mind-boggling. If this has ever actually happened to anyone, I genuinely feel sorry for you. I have had (consensual) sex on ketamine before, and the only word to describe it is “cubist.” If you are aroused by Les Demoiselles d’Avignon then be my guest, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Ketamine is certainly the black sheep of date-rape drugs. It’s not really a sedative in the classic sense, and it has profound psychedelic effects. The idea of having some freak’s evil genitalia violating you while in such an expanded state is utterly horrifying. In fact, I don’t want to think about it anymore. Gross.

When used for good and not evil, K is really fun, and thankfully, it’s still totally legal and can be bought from a variety of chemical-supply catalogs and veterinarians. I nominate Special K as the best legal drug of 1994. Please don’t kill yourself or rape people with it.


GHB
G, Gamma-G, Liquid X

I’m just going to be totally honest and admit that I’m on GHB right now. Maybe it’s my neurochemistry, but I have never gotten a huge kick out of G. It feels good for five minutes, and then I feel tired. I have seen friends take it and look like they were having a four-hour orgasm on Ecstasy. Am I doing something wrong?

GHB has the dubious honor of being dubbed both a date-rape drug and an aphrodisiac. It’s found naturally in the human brain and, used in moderation, may even have some health benefits. Two years ago, you could buy GHB in sex shops, health-food stores, and mail-order catalogs anywhere in the world, but I can already see this one being made illegal before the new millennium. Luckily for G-heads, it can be synthesized with incredible ease from the closely related industrial solvent GBL. In fact, you can drink GBL on its own, but it should be noted that it tastes so outrageously awful that you would have to surgically remove all your rape victim’s taste buds before slipping this into his or her drink. GHB tastes foul as well, but I will begrudgingly admit it could slide into a drink undetected.


FLUNITRAZEPAM
Rohypnol, Roofies, Coma Biscuits

How many drugs can boast being both a noun and a verb? Not many. Flunitrazepam, brand name Rohypnol, is the infamous roofie. All I can say is you should be so lucky as to get slipped a roofie, because it feels fucking incredible! You have to drive down to Tijuana to get these because they are not approved for medical use in the US. But when I have the opportunity to use them it fills my eyes with tears of joy. Valium is nice, but there is almost nothing in this world so rapturously smooth as a roofie on a summer’s evening.

Courtney Love is prescribed them and Kurt Cobain was hospitalized recently after overdosing on Rohypnol and champagne—everybody’s doing it!

Flunitrazepam has all the wonderful qualities people look for in alcohol with almost none of the negative effects. No nausea, no vomiting, and 12 hours of sloppy disinhibition. Interestingly, benzodiazepines like flunitrazepam are almost completely insoluble in water and alcohol. If you drop a crushed Rohypnol tablet into a drink, it falls to the bottom like gravel. Yes, I tried to roofie myself, and it did not work. I ended up looking like a fool trying to suck the precious roofie powder off the bottom of my glass with a straw. Pharmaceutical manufacturers are planning to start filling the tablets with blue dye as an added precaution against date rapists. Why not!


There are many other drugs that have been claimed to be used to rape people with—everything from marijuana to cocaine to who-knows-what. The real question here is, what drug can’t be a date-rape drug? In case you didn’t get my point the first time around, the issue here is not drugs but rapists. I suppose I deserve a big karmic mouth-raping of my own for saying all this stuff, but the main danger with date-rape drugs is getting addicted to them because they are so outrageously pleasurable. And on that note, I’m going to sip a little more G.

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Comments

	Little Hannah, on Nov 16, 2009 wrote: This confused the bejesus out of me for a second, k legal..what now..but then ahhh 1994. gotcha. maybe all this gallop has slowed my mind after all.
Anonymous, on Nov 11, 2009 wrote: only go swimming in the k-hole if you are absolutely sure you want to go there. it’s a very deep end.
	donaghy, on Nov 11, 2009 wrote: "i was slipped a benzo. not that i knew it because i woke up in hospital 13 hours later with complete and absolute blackout amnesia from 8pm the day before and all the symptoms of a stroke. i was 17. funny shit right. " not funny at all. what happened? did you figure out who slipped it? do you know what happened? i’m sure they checked for sexual assault. anyways, if you don’t mind sharing i’d love to know.
Anonymous, on Nov 9, 2009 wrote: The higher the K hole, the closer to heaven!
Anonymous, on Nov 9, 2009 wrote: i was slipped a benzo. not that i knew it because i woke up in hospital 13 hours later with complete and absolute blackout amnesia from 8pm the day before and all the symptoms of a stroke. i was 17. funny shit right.
Anonymous, on Nov 9, 2009 wrote: REGRETAMIN! Ahh it’s funny at the time, but the morning after... never nice. Alson, getting roofed is well lush IF you know it’s coming.
Anonymous, on Nov 3, 2009 wrote: K never did no harm,a K-hole means your closer to god
Anonymous, on Oct 31, 2009 wrote: i think i saw hamilton morris at a peelander-z show once
Anonymous, on Oct 30, 2009 wrote: can people really not wrap their head around the idea that roofies might be awesome, i have had rohypnol a couple times and its basically just like xanax only a lot better.
Anonymous, on Oct 30, 2009 wrote: what is the point of this, are you trying to make it look like its fun to do and its not a big deal. why write an article like this. Not to sound like i have a stick up my ass but getting a roofie sucks.
Anonymous, on Oct 30, 2009 wrote: "uh, this article is from 1994." you don’t actually believe that do you? it’s definitely not from 1994. do a bit of research and you’ll figure it out.
Anonymous, on Oct 30, 2009 wrote: Wow. Really? It’s the 1994 issue. What’s not to get??
Anonymous, on Oct 30, 2009 wrote: the article is written as if it was 1994. that’s the joke. thank you, goodnight.
	captain cheesepuff, on Oct 30, 2009 wrote: i cannot believe how stupid/serious some of you are.
	alligator123, on Oct 30, 2009 wrote: ketamine hahahahahahahahahahahaha
Anonymous, on Oct 30, 2009 wrote: 1994 is a lie. Hide your children.
	poozer, on Oct 30, 2009 wrote: i’ve heard of disco biscuits -> quaaludes but never coma biscuits -> rohypnol
	lowbrow, on Oct 30, 2009 wrote: from my (admittedly limited) knowledge of ketamine there’s a small difference in the amount that it takes to have fun and the amount to go deep into a k-hole. i’m steering clear.
Anonymous, on Oct 30, 2009 wrote: Hamilton..another great article. One point I wanted to make though about the intensity of Katamine is that on the street its known as "Going in the K Hole." Some nasty shit.
Anonymous, on Oct 30, 2009 wrote: "Anonymous, on Oct 12, 2009 wrote: uh, why would someone intentionally roofie themselves?" why are you reading it
	yoyoeggbo, on Oct 29, 2009 wrote: hamilton morris is the best thing going right now. more hamilton morris
Anonymous, on Oct 29, 2009 wrote: Um... I’m confused. This is Hamilton, right? In his normal state, right? When was this written? Is his humour just totally beyond me now? I am having trouble with this 90s thing. It’s doing my head in more than K.
Anonymous, on Oct 29, 2009 wrote: ’Kurt Cobain was hospitalized recently after overdosing on Rohypnol and champagne’ - when was this article written??
Anonymous, on Oct 28, 2009 wrote: what about halcien? we used to munch those like popcorn. you’d lose complete nights. i came to pissing in a friend’s bathtub one night. good times.
Anonymous, on Oct 24, 2009 wrote: WANT K WANT K WANT K WANT K WANT K
Anonymous, on Oct 23, 2009 wrote: tell us something we don’t know!
Anonymous, on Oct 22, 2009 wrote: courtney love was prescribed the rohypnol in rome according to wikipedia
Anonymous, on Oct 22, 2009 wrote: Me and my friends roofied ourselves when we were 16. It was awesome. I think.
Anonymous, on Oct 22, 2009 wrote: The author states that roofies are "not approved for medical use in the US", and then follows with "Courtney Love is prescribed them."
Anonymous, on Oct 22, 2009 wrote: uh, this article is from 1994.
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