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WHAT MAKES A CLOWN SO CLOWNY?Let’s Meet Five Pros: Gabooba, aka Danny
 Vice: What did you do before you became a clown? Gabooba: I worked at temp agencies. I was an assistant to a chef. I also worked for the City of New York Parks Department. But in high school I won class clown, which inspired me to try my hand at stand-up comedy for a few years. Life takes strange turns. One of my last “real” jobs was booking clowns and magicians—I was a clown salesman. Then the top guy suddenly left the agency and we were short a clown. The shows were already booked, so I was forced to step in. Some people at the agency showed me a few rudimentary things, but I only had three days to get ready. Then I went back and forth between the real world and clowning a bunch of times. By ’96 I was ready to become a full-time clown. Now I’ve been one for 13 years and counting. Your job is to basically be a fun machine for little kids and bored adults who don’t want to deal with them. What are some of the main obstacles? Dealing with DJs. Some of the DJs who work in this city are literally mentally retarded. They play the music so loud that you think you’re going to lose your hearing. And the music they play is so disgusting—the most hardcore rap with lyrics that would make Martin Luther King cry, the kind of lyrics that are way worse than anything Don Imus ever said, and they’re at a four-year-old’s birthday party. Most don’t even have the hokey-pokey or the “Chicken Dance,” but they’ll play stuff that isn’t even allowed on the radio. Another thing about being a clown is that it hurts your social life because most people have the weekends off and those are our busiest times. I’ve lost girlfriends because of this job. Breaking up with someone because he’s a clown sounds pretty cold. Yeah. If I found someone who was worth it I’d give it up, but I haven’t met anyone that amazing yet. There was one girl I had feelings for, but it wasn’t like, “I love you, my darling,” or whatever. The first year was really good because she had Tuesdays and Thursdays off, and those are two of the slowest days for me. But around our second year together she got a regular 9-to-5. And suddenly she wanted to do all this stuff on the weekends while I was working. I’d come home at 10 or 11 at night and was too exhausted to do much of anything. She once said to me, “The next time someone asks me out on a Saturday, I’m going to say yes.” I knew that was the beginning of the end, but I wasn’t ready to give up being a clown. Since then we’ve become really good friends. In fact, I’m watching her cat right now. Are you in this for the long haul? I’ll be doing this until I’m dead—until I’m old and gray—but someday I might like to try teaching. I have a minor in education. Parts of my routine are educational. For instance, I try to teach kids some Spanish. I’ll say stuff like “conejo,” which means “rabbit.” Do you speak Spanish? Yo hablo un poquito—I only speak a little and only when it’s appropriate. At a birthday I’ll say “feliz cumpleaños” instead of “happy birthday,” but only if the kids don’t already speak it. If it’s a Latino party I don’t do that. How do you ease the kids when they get scared? It usually happens at least once an event. The more makeup and stuff you wear on your face, the more frightened they get. Sometimes I won’t wear the red nose until I see that they’re OK with me. I say something like, “Never tell a lie because if you tell a lie your nose will get bigger, and I’ve never told a lie in my life—never ever ever never ever ever never ever…” And then I turn around with the nose on. If one kid in particular is really freaking out I’ll tell them that I’m neither Democrat nor Republican, I’m a registered independent, and it’s a two-party system so my vote doesn’t really count. They just look at me like I’m nuts and it calms them down for some reason. I don’t know why. What happens when you just don’t feel like putting on the wig and funny pants and painting butterflies on kids’ faces? It’s not like you can just slump behind your desk and goof off on the internet all day. How do you pull through? One of the reasons I continue to do this is because it’s therapeutic. So even when I’m having an off-day I just remind myself why I love it. I’ve fought depression from time to time—nothing clinical, but just some bad cases of the blues. I’ve never taken antidepressants because I don’t trust them. All I take now is coffee and St. John’s Wort. About ten years ago my grandparents died and I was very close to them. I actually considered getting a regular job because I was so down I thought it might be impossible to continue clowning. But I did a few shows and making the kids laugh made me feel so much better. Whenever I start to get depressed or angry or whatever, I do a show or two and it changes my attitude. What’s the weirdest gig you’ve ever worked as a clown? One time I was hired for a bachelor party. The groom-to-be was very disappointed because he was expecting a stripper. I did some jokes, made some balloons, and after about ten minutes they practically demanded that I sit down. I was supposed to do 30. Immediately after I stopped, a stripper came out from the back. It was a setup. I might be the only clown in the world who can say he got $100 to watch a woman take her clothes off. I even got a free lap dance. NEXT CLOWN > INTERVIEWS BY ROCCO CASTORO PORTRAITS BY ROE ETHRIDGE Photographer’s assistant: Marc Tatti See all articles by this contributor
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