Grace, 19
How regular are you? Don’t be shy.
It happens pretty much every day or every other day.
What kinds of substances make you produce feces?
Whiskey seems to do the trick.
Are we talking firm or loose?
It’s pretty normal, I think, but it’s not like I have anything to compare it to. Not too hard and not too soft. I don’t really check it out afterward.
Do you remember the last time you lost control?
The last time I really shit my pants in public was in kindergarten, but one of the first times I drank alcohol was in eighth grade and that night I woke up on the toilet with every type of excrement and bodily fluid all over the bathroom. I don’t know if that really counts but some shit definitely fell onto the floor and probably my clothes. It was the worst hangover I’ve ever had.
Yep, that counts. Did your parents find out?
No, because I stayed up until four in the morning to clean everything up.
Can you give any tips on delaying the inevitable?
I have a phobia of pooping in public, so if I’m outside of my element I’ll be too scared to just let it happen. Even when I’ve been on vacations with my family and in hotel rooms I just hold it in. |
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Jacob, 21
What’s your usual ordure regimen?
I go about once a day, usually at night. I guess you could say I’m a night pooper.
Do certain things set you off?
Usually I have to shit after I drink—especially hard liquor. After a few drinks I’ll almost always take a large dump. Coffee is another culprit, but I don’t drink it as often.
In a spectrum with expulsive dysentery at one end and anus-lacerating, petrified dung at the other, where do your droppings fall?
I’d say they’re moderate. It’s mostly soft serve, definitely closer to diarrhea. It doesn’t always stay together once it hits the water.
Tell us about the last time you soiled yourself.
About a year ago, when I was a sophomore in college, I had just bought some new underwear and I was kind of amped on them. They were blue and pretty rad. I was just sitting at my computer working and leaned to the side to let a fart out, which ended up being a pretty heavy shart. I thought I might’ve just farted really hard but I checked my pants and it looked like one of those fun-size Snickers bars was melting in there. I ended up leaving the undies in my bathroom for like a week and a half, because I thought I was going to clean and rewear them but it didn’t happen.
Are you good at staving off poo?
Yeah, I think I can hold it in. I ride bikes a lot so I’ve got these impenetrable butt cheeks. |
