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DOS & DON'TS

So you think it’s cute to whip out your little sausage roll and hold it up to a bum while you flash the camera a toothy grin? You like laughing at the homeless? You probably don’t even know that you can get instant penis cancer from touching their crust-covered 49ers jackets. Who’s laughing now?
PS: You look like a German lesbian. Comments/Enlarge | See all


When someone is this clueless it actually gets kind of scary. Like the way a lot of serial killers are autistic and they don’t look people in the eye because they don’t get what the big deal is with eyes.
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DOS & DON'TS

Wow, could you cross a few more wires in my brain? It's bad enough you made me want to bury my nose to the hilt in Madeline's asshole, then you had to go and turn a Strawberry Shortcake jumper into cabaretwear. Why not tattoo a copy of my grandma's face across your tits while you're at it? Comments/Enlarge | See all


VICE FASHION - ICE CREAM GUYS

(and a Couple of Girls)

PHOTOS BY CHRIS SHONTING, STYLING BY ANNETTE LAMOTHE-RAMOS
INTERVIEWS BY ROCCO CASTORO
Special thanks to Bess (292 Lafayette Street, New York, NY 10012; 212-219-9723)

Kool Man has been the number-one ice-cream king in Brooklyn since 1935. We talked to a few of his drivers to see what it’s like to be every child’s hero.

Surface to Air blouse, American Apparel shorts, Tom Binns bracelets and rings, In4mation shirt, vintage Lee jacket from Bess, Industry pants, 80%20 shoes


Heavy Rotation t-shirt, Ezekiel skirt, Disaya sweater
PABLO
Vice: How long have you been an ice-cream-truck driver?

Pablo:
About ten years.

Are the kids ever annoying?

No, they’re my best customers so I can’t say anything bad even if I wanted to.

What’s the biggest seller?

Soft ice cream and Icees. The SpongeBob pops are popular with the little ones.

Do you eat the ice cream you sell?

Yeah. The banana boat is my favorite—the big one. I usually eat at least one a day. But I’m not fat because I don’t eat much other food while I’m working.

Are all ice cream trucks created equal?

No. Mine’s a classic—it’s from ’61. People ask if it’s for sale all the time.

What do you do during the winter?

I’m from the Dominican Republic so I usually go there and find some work, but sometimes I’ll come back to Brooklyn early to work on the truck and make sure everything is in order.

Have you ever fought with another driver over a route?

Oh yeah. They’ll come up to the truck and say, “Hey Papo, you can’t work around here.” I tell them, “This is America and I can work wherever I want.” Once this one guy from this other company—Mr. Cone—said, “You want to fight?” So I stepped out and punched him. He never bothered me again.

Do you ever have girls asking for free ice cream?

All the time. Sometimes I’ll give free ice cream to a girl and say, “You look niiiceee.”

What if she’s ugly? Do you still give her a freebie?

No.

ICE CREAM MAN 2 >

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