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The best way to guarantee no one ever breaks into your trailer is to combine the two things that civilization has, throughout history, been most afraid of: pirates (hence the Jolly Roger) and working-class British people (hence the Burberry). Nobody would dare fly a plane into this thing, much less try to burglarize it while the owners are at the bar drinking pints of black Sambuca and beating their children with spiked bats. Comments/Enlarge | See all



Remember those 13-year-olds you’d see playing Star Wars with kids five years younger than them and you’d think, “Jesus, what happened there?” Well, you should know that those guys never quite get back on track.
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Women love guys in brown shirts because it reminds them of the Nazis and they all had a wide-on for Ralph Fiennes in Schindler's List.
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Cover photo by Roe Ethridge. Food styling by Matthew Vohr.


1636

VICE MAIL

You know what? No letters page this month. You know why? Because we aren't receiving enough real letters. We mainly get emails now, and people don't think when they write emails. They just pump them out, which makes them hard to reply to. We sat here and looked at like 50 emails we've gotten in the ...
1637

COMICS BY JOHNNY RYAN

"SO THAT'S HOW SUNBEAMS GET BORN!"...
1638

GLAS-NOT!

Soviet Times Sucked. Want to See for Yourself?

So these nuts in Lithuania have opened up a new theme park called 1984: Isvgyvenimo Drama. The basic premise is that you, dear customer, are a freshly caught Russian political dissident and now you are going to be locked up in hell and then interrogated by monstrous communists. Six Flags? Who needs ...
1639

TRAPPED FOREVER IN SEX SLAVERY, EH?

Canada Is the World's Latest Portal of Human Traffic

From the Chinese head tax in the days of the British Columbian gold rush (look it up, it's fucked) right down to the Filipino chap who holds an architecture degree from back home but now flips your cheeseburger for minimum wage in Montreal, Canada has a long...
1641

MEETING BABY KEVIN RUDD

& Hermaphrodite Goats in Papua New Guinea

In March this year, Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd made an official visit to a small village in the Eastern Highlands of Papua New Guinea where he was mobbed, showered with gifts, and generally treated like a rock star. That was strange enough but when I heard that to prove the extent of their...
1642

ASS INVADERS

The Vice Guide to Milking Your Prostate

Hey, guess what? If you are an American man you are more likely to have cancer in your prostate than any other part of you. It's also more likely to kill you than any other form of cancer. Oh, and there is also the extra bonus of a 35 percent higher chance of your prostate going sour than your girlf...
1643

DARK FRUIT

The Seedy Underworld of Nature's Candy

How far would you go for a banana? Probably not farther than the grocery store. But that's because you've never tasted a blue ice-cream banana, or an orange-fleshed Haa Haa, or even a Popoulou (its bubblegum-pink interior has a distinct apple flavor). There are tens of thousands of fruits that never...
1645

VICE FASHION - AT HOME WITH ALICE

Photos by Ben Rayner...
1646

SKINEMA

You want to know what the best part about a dead baby is? No dirty diapers. No diapers at all really. No money spent on formula. No painting bedrooms pink or blue. None of that shit. Dead babies are rad-they don't cry and they don't make any demands whatsoever. I put a dead baby in my wife's uterus ...
1648

SHEPPARD'S VIDEO-GAME PIE

By Stephen Lea Sheppard

NINJA GAIDEN II
I have concerns about Ninja Gaiden II, but my overall impression is positive. The concerns stem from comparing it to its predecessor. Ninja Gaiden was one of the best games of that console generation-I would call it a triumph of design. It presented a combat...
1650

VICE FASHION - TAKING A DIP

Photos by Alex Sturrock ...
1651

A-TOWN REP-RAZENT!

When Bradford Met Soulja Boy (Briefly)

Sorry, jaded white guy who professes to like rap music but can't remember the other guy's name out of Mobb Deep, but we love Soulja Boy. Since when did rap music being fun and goofy again become a bad thing? Ah yes, since out-of-touch old men like Ice-T and GZA started getting all grumpy about their...
1652

HAARP BIZARRE

Secret military death ray or weather research outpost?

Up in the wastelands of Gokona, Alaska, there is a forest of high frequency radio antennae. The US government claims it is conducting research into the uppermost reaches of the atmosphere, but Dr Nick Begich, a well-respected local education official, suspects there are darker motives afoot. He, lik...
1653

GROSS!

Collecting Hair and Then Collecting Stories About the Hair That Was Collected

This guy named Louis B. has been amassing a hair collection for six years. He claims to have upward of 400 bags of the stuff. He started when he was working in a salon and he hasn't stopped since because… actually we have no fucking idea why he does this. But even during his three-month stay in a Fr...
1654

WOOL OF THE DOG

Photos by Erwan Fichou

Doumé Jalat-Dehen makes wool out of dog hair and then her customers make sweaters from the dog wool. Photographer Erwan Fichou went to visit her in Brittany, where Doumé gave him the names and addresses of some of her clients. Erwan then set off across France and Belgium to meet them and take their ...
1655

THRIFT STORE GIRLS

Brian Ulrich has been traveling America, taking photos at thrift stores for a few years now.
We chose a few of them but mostly focused on girls because we like them and we also like that Screeching Weasel song....
1656

TAKING ON THE ITALIAN MAFIA

A Conversation With Roberto Saviano

Roberto Saviano is the 29-year-old author of Gomorrah, the international best seller that, through a mixture of narrative and investigative journalism, exposes the workings of the most powerful, and least known, of the Italian Mafias: the Camorra of Naples.
Over the last 30 years, the C...
1659

TO LIVE AND DIE IN NAPLES

15 Years of Pictures from Italy's Crime Capital

Mario Spada is a photographer from Naples. In 1986, he started to work in his hometown as a photographer's assistant for an agency that organized wedding pictures. From 1993 onward he documented various parts of life in Naples, from kids in the projects of the Quartieri Spagnoli to microcriminality ...
1661

VICE FASHION - WE LAUNCH ROCKETS IN KAZAKHSTAN

Photos by Valerie Phillips...
1662

RECORDS

THE FIERY FURNACES
Remember

Whoa, is this really what this band sounds like? I'd just assumed it was your garden-variety, Pitchfork-approved yogurt music for young-adult t-shirt wearers. But I'm not sure who'd enjoy eating yogurt to a mentally ill woman being strung along by a guy w...
1664

THE EPICLY LATER'D PAGE

Words & Photos by Patrick O'Dell

When I first started the Epicly Later'd skate show, Ali Boulala was one of the first people I wanted to do an episode with. In fact, before the show even existed I had dreamed of one day making a documentary about him. He is one of the most charismatic and quotable people of all time. After s...
1665

OH SHIT!

Who's Number One at Holding Number Two?

So I guess some guy apparently went 102 days without taking a dump. But a) he was critically constipated, and b) Uncle John's Bathroom Book of Extraordinary Facts and Bizarre Information is not exactly reliable reference material. Still, it got us thinking about shitting, about not shitting, ...
1666

VICE FASHION - ICE CREAM GUYS

(and a Couple of Girls)

Photos by Chris Shonting...
1667

VIRGINIANS

Photos by Hannah Modigh

Swedish photographer Hannah Modigh recently spent two months living in a motel in St. Charles, Virginia. She fell in with a group of kids there, started shooting them, and ended up making one of the best-looking documentary series we've seen in years. But why are the photos so pretty, even though sh...
1669

GO TIGERS!

Tamil Girls Are the Toughest Girls in the World

Two years ago, Norwegian photographer Thomas Haugersveen went to Sri Lanka to cover the civil war that's been ravaging the country for the past 20 years. After making initial diplomatic contacts in Norway he managed to enter the area known as Tamil Eelam. It's a guerrilla-controlled state-within-a-s...
1671

NEW BEGINNINGS

Larry Jon Wilson is the Heartworn Highways Guy

Larry Jon Wilson is the first person you see when you watch Heartworn Highways, the definitive documentary of the outlaw country movement of the mid-70s led by heroes like Townes Van Zandt and Steve Earle.
I met him last month after an incredibly beautiful show at the 12 Bar where he'd b...
1672

LEPERS, MESSIAHS*

Can You Believe This Disease Still Exists?

*Now, we used the word "leper" here because we wanted to reference an old Metallica song. But you should know that people with leprosy consider that word really offensive. It carries a stigma that they've been trying to beat for years, and it's outdated and ignorant. So next time you meet someone wi...
1675

VICE FASHION - BUBBLICIOUS

Photos by Harley Weir ...
1676

RAW CHINA

Wu Deshun lives next to a warehouse off Guanghua Lu in what can best be described as a hovel, a cinder block, one-story, falling-apart edifice in the shadow of the almost-completed CCTV headquarters. It's a surprisingly desolate area in the middle of Beijing's breakneck construction zone know as the...
1678

VICE COMICS - JON VERMILYEA

...
1679

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

Capricorns on a Temporary Semi-Permanent Hiatus

What happened to Capricorns? Out of that slew of metallic instrumental groups of the last five years they were easily the most interesting, probably by virtue of the fact they played songs that had more than one riff and tempo and didn't have to have 50 different new shirt designs on the merch stall...
1680

FOUR NEW GRIME KIDS

Grime is going through a bit of a make-or-break period right now. Most of the better MCs have long given up trying to be grimey and are now doing pop songs with 80s revivalists and covering the Ting Tings (Dizzee) or taking their shirts off in videos and wearing chains and diamonds so fake they look...
1681

ABORIGINAL HEADBANGING

The Most Metal Town in the Whole Wide World Is Wadeye

At the beginning of 2008, the Australian national news reported on a small, isolated Aboriginal community deep in the Northern Territory, aka the middle of nowhere, aka Satan's Asshole, aka East Bumblefuck.
Violent riots had erupted between two of the town's largest gangs and for a moment it lo...
1683

OUCHY!

A Riot Over Beef Hurt My Face

Hello. This is me in the In Jae University Hospital in South Korea.
There is a puncture wound on my cheek, seven stitches on the inside of my mouth, and another seven on the outside. I also have a dislocated shoulder with ligament damage and a concussion. I got these injuries when I was blindsi...
1685

NOTHING TO SEE HERE

Geographer takes photos of things really really really really really far away

Trevor Paglen is an experimental geographer working at the University of California. He's reponsible for one of the coolest books on confidential military activities, I Could Tell You But You Would Have To Be Destroyed By Me, a collection of the arcane shoulder patches worn by soldiers operat...
1686

HOLY SHIT

Bury Bores Thee Vicars

Anyone still waiting for the revolution in sound and vision promised by the Horrors a couple of years ago can probably go home now. Southend's finest have left their mark, though, because today a whole bunch of bands are happily thriving below the radar, breaking things and getting in people's faces...
1687

STRASSEKAMPFER

The Illegal German Fighting Scene Is Where It’s At

MMA may seem like the "real deal" in the US, but in terms of pure, totally unrestricted fighting it's got nothing on the illegal matches that have been going on in Germany since the Cold War. Two networks of fighters and organizers developed independently of each other in East and West Germany. When...
1688

LITERARY

CRIME-A SERIES OF EXTRAORDINARY INTERVIEWS EXPOSING THE WORLD OF CRIME-REAL AND IMAGINED
As you'd expect of a book designed by the guys who made those Russian Criminal Tattoo books, this weighty opus looks amazing. Its screen-printed cover, blood-red page edges, and creepy photos ...
1689

GET TO THE POINT

Pens Bring Back the Spirit of Girl Punk Groups Sounding Retarded Again

Awhile ago we started doing monthly issue launch parties at the Old Blue Last. The whole concept should have been pretty elementary: have a party, a bunch of people drink and the bands covered in the magazine that month come down and play. No big deal, right? Well, it shouldn't have been. Then we re...










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