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If God is against getting a tattoo of a shitty website that’s under construction and is based on an elusive metaphor that makes no sense then yes, you are an infidel.
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The cheap-ass Lou Bega suit is pretty bad on its own, but when you throw in your son’s backpack and some combat boots you take it from “I’m broke” to “I have a low IQ.”
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A monthly look at things we love - v10n5






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SKELETONIZER
Paul Oestreicher Turns People Into Clay



Aren't hippies supposed to be conscientious? Maybe there's something we don't know about butt flaps, like they're made by Malaysian kids or they kill the ozone, but there's no way it's as cruel as forcing the world to choose between mentally picturing your 2/3rds naked ass on the toilet or mentally smelling a full day's worth of feces as it makes its way down your legs.Comments/Enlarge | See all




UK RECORDS


AMEBIX
LYKKE LI

HEARTSREVOLUTION
DAEDELUS



As it’s the Mexico Issue we popped over to our buddy Ivan Mendiola’s flat in London and played him a stack of this month’s records so that we could get a real-life Mexican’s view on recorded sound in June 2008.
Ivan is a 24-year-old from Monterrey in northeastern Mexico who’s lived in England for just over a year. He studies music but told us that he only really liked “playing the drums and tripping out”. In order to prepare for this record playback he ingested some mushrooms and smoked “a whole load of joints to create the mood” before I turned up.
V/A
Rinse: 04 Mixed by Skepta
Rinse

Vice: What does this sound like to you?

Ivan Mendiola:
It sounds like being trapped in a ketamine hole. Or maybe a space shuttle launching.

When would you listen to this?
If I was drowning to death.

You know people dance to this stuff?

No way. I don’t believe you.

CSS
Donkey
Sub Pop

These guys are from South America just like you!

It just sounds like pop music to me. Very simple. Is this the band with the girl who looks like a cat as the singer?

Yes.

Oh, I like her.

She is marrying the guitarist from Klaxons.

Oh. That’s a shame. Actually I really like Klaxons so I am very happy for him.

DAEDELUS
Love to Make Music to
Ninja Tune

Is hip-hop a big deal in Mexico?

Not really. There are a lot of mariachi bands. Not much hip-hop.

You mean the guys with hats and the funny suits that look like The Three Amigos?

Yes.

Did you ever play your drums in a mariachi band?

I did but I got fired. It is boring and the clothes are too hot.

AMEBIX
No Sanctuary—The Spiderleg Recordings

Alternative Tentacles

Do you get many crusty punks in Monterrey?

A few, they like to drink a lot in the streets and get into fights with the goths.

Were you ever a goth in your youth?

No. I was into glam metal, though. I loved Poison and Twisted Sister.

Did you have big hair and leather trousers?

No, my dad was very strict. He made me have short hair. I had a leather jacket.
LADYTRON
Velocifero
Nettwerk

Would you ever buy this one?

No way. They sound like they don’t care about what they are doing. Like they might fall asleep at any minute.

What kind of person do you think would be into this one?

A woman who works in a shoe shop.

Have you ever worked in a shoe shop?

No. I once worked in a bar and once in a grocery store. I think shoe shops are for women.

HEARTSREVOLUTION
The Switchblade EP
Isomorph Records

This one only comes on vinyl.

That is nice. I like vinyl. CDs are like travel sweets. They are all plasticky and could break at any time.

What do you think of the actual music?

It’s nice. It sounds like Sesame Street but at a crazy disco party.

Would you dance to this?

Yes. A lot.
MARC ALMOND WITH MICHAEL CASHMORE
Gabriel and the Lunatic Lover
Durtro Jnana

He has a nice voice, doesn’t he?

Yes, I like it very much. It sounds like Casper the Friendly Ghost if he was sad.

It is Marc Almond who was in Soft Cell.

Really? I like them. Do you know that song “Bedsitter”? I thought that was what England would be like but it is much nicer than that song.

AU
Verbs
Aagoo Records

This is a pretty summery record. Would it be nice in sunny Monterrey?

Yes, I would like to wander around to this on LSD.

Is acid popular in Monterrey?

Yes, it can be a very good time but sometimes it is too much.

What happens when it is “too much”?

It can get very scary and make you want to curl up in a ball and confront your fears.

BLACK GHOSTS
S/T
Southern Fried

Have you ever encountered any ghosts?

Not me personally, but there is a road that the drug smugglers use out of town that they say is haunted.

You make the drug smugglers sound very amiable, like pirates or something.

Oh no, they’re pretty heavy guys. You wouldn’t want to mess around with them.

Have you ever had any run-ins with them?

Not really, but you know who they are and you don’t get involved with them.

KITTY, DAISY & LEWIS
S/T
Sunday Best

These are little kids who make all their music at home in their parents’ house.

I don’t like it.

Why not?

I just don’t. It sounds like rubbish.

You are currently doing a degree in music. You can’t just say “it sounds like rubbish”.

Well, it does.

CAPILLARY ACTION
So Embarrassing
Pangea Recordings

When was the last time you were embarrassed?

I play in a band with a girl and we used to see each other but it didn’t work out.

That sounds more awkward than embarrassing.

I guess so. She knows all about me, though, and kind of tells me what to do. It is not nice I once fell asleep at a party and dribbled all over this other girl I liked at the time.

SHIT AND SHINE
Cherry
Riot Season

This one is kind of metal. Would you have been feeling it in your Poison days?

Yes, I like it. The drumming is great.

I still can’t believe your dad wouldn’t let you grow your hair. Is that why you moved to England?

Parents can be annoying, yes.

You could grow it now, though. What would you go for, a feathered mullet?

I am kind of over the whole hair thing now actually.
SOEZA
7 Obstacles
Gringo

Where would you guess these guys are from?

A big city. It sounds confusing. Los Angeles?

Nope, they’re from Swindon.

I have never heard of that place.

Some of them actually live in Bristol now.

I have never heard of that place either.
WINDSOR FOR THE DERBY
How We Lost
Secretly Canadian

Do they have horse racing in Mexico?

Yes. People like cockfighting too.

In England a lot of people think cockfighting is disgustingly, barbarically cruel.

Hmm. They are just chickens.

Chickens can feel pain too.

Maybe. I eat chickens, though. I don’t eat horses.

Right.

THE STUPIDS
Violent Nun/Peruvian Vacation/Retarded Picnic/Complete Peel Sessions
Boss Tuneage

Tommy Stupid sounds pretty pissed off here. What do you think he’s angry about?

I think he lost his job.

What job do you think he had?

I think he was refuse collector for the council and he was smelly.

He actually went on to be the highly respected drum’n’bass producer Klute.

Oh.
ALBERT HAMMOND JR.
Como te Llama
Rough Trade

What does “Como te Llama” mean?

It doesn’t really make sense. There needs to be an “s” on the end.

You think it is grammatically incorrect?

It definitely is, yes.

He was in the Strokes and they all went to posh schools. So he surely knows Spanish.

Apparently not.
RUSSIAN CIRCLES
Station
Suicide Squeeze

What do you think of the cover of this one?

It looks like an old military photo, like your granddad might have on his wall.

Would you ever like to join the army?

No way, man. Far too hectic.

What about if you got caught with a load of LSD and you had to choose between jail and the army.

In Mexico you would just pay off the cop. I once bribed a cop with a Miles Davis CD-R.

V/A
Hear, O Israel! A Prayer Ceremony in Jazz
Trunk Records

Do you like jazz?

Yes, the drumming is crazy.

Sometimes to me it just sounds like they are playing whatever they want.

Sometimes they are.

But that means that I could be a jazz drummer.

Sure, why not? You would probably be a crap jazz drummer but you could try.
FREE KITTEN
Inherit
Ecstatic Peace

This is a bit like that story you were telling me before about playing in a band with your girlfriend.

What do you mean?

Well this is the band that Kim Gordon plays in so that she doesn’t go mad playing in Sonic Youth with Thurston the whole time.

Oh, right. I never really got Sonic Youth.

How come?

It just all sounds the same. Guitar bit, sing about being a teenager, blah blah. It’s silly.
V/A
Essential Italo Disco Classics 1977–1985
Strut

What do you think of this stuff?

Wow, I love it!

What do you like about it?

It kind of sounds like the future but also stuck in the 80s as well.

That is pretty much a perfect description of Italo disco. Are you sure you have never heard it before?

No, never. I will listen to it a lot in the future, though. This is the perfect dance music.

VENOM
Hell
Universal

Were you ever scared of metal records when you were younger? I was terrified of Ride The Lightning by Metallica.

Not really. This record is great, though!

You like it?

Yeah! This is the best one so far.

Really? It’s hardly Welcome to Hell, is it?

I have never really listened to Venom. I love it. Can I keep it?
LYKKE LI
Youth Novels
LL Recordings

Can you understand the lyrics?

No, not really. She sounds like she is whining.

What do you reckon she is whining about?

I don’t know. Probably boys and her hair or something.

You don’t seem to like girls much.

They can be really annoying. Can we listen to Venom again?
FLEET FOXES
S/T
Bella Union

If this were an ice cream, what would it be?

Maybe lemon sorbet.

How come?

It is really sweet-sounding but it is bitter as well.

You are pretty good at this; can you do some reviews for us in the future?

I am not sure. I am kind of busy having fun and doing university, to be honest.


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