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| Image from Minimalista por falta de tiempo by Miguel Calderon, to be published by Aguila and A&R Press this June in Mexico City. | | DESTROYING MYSELF
Guillermo Fadanelli, one of our favorite Mexican writers, is best buddies with Miguel Calderón, one of our favorite Mexican artists. Here, Fadanelli introduces some of the notebook scribblings that Calderón has made during their epic debaucheries.I don’t remember the moment when I started to think of my life as a disease that not even the possibility of suicide could alleviate. Nevertheless, I didn’t become bitter, and I tried to get a little knowledge and pleasure from my disease. When I’m asked what I do, I answer that I slowly destroy myself; with this I mean that I take the disease’s side, the side of life, of nothing. During those long nights when I try to drink until I’m laid out on the floor, there’s always something left in my memory (half-assed drinking seems like a waste to me, a luxury I can’t allow myself). I’d like to have a notebook to write down some of what is said in that delirium, but I don’t have any patience, and the times I’ve tried it I end up losing what I wrote.
Miguel Calderón is the best joke the devil has played on me, and his company is like a drug that always sets me on the right path. He likes to destroy himself too, I think because disquiet has taken over his spirit, or maybe it’s anxiety, or maybe he simply does it spurred on by an impulse he can’t control (in this respect, all explanations become naive, not to say idiotic). Also, we both have a solitary aspect, in spite of being surrounded by people all the time; almost everyone around us is part of a bad stage set we try to alter every chance we get. However, Oscar Wilde realized he was wrong every time someone agreed with him. There’s no fun in agreeing with anyone on questions of art, pleasure, or knowledge; in every case it’s better to go against the grain, to go in through the door where truth doesn’t exist and show that everything could have been just this other way. In sum: We inhabit a mistake that gets more complicated every day, but at least for me that has a meaning.
I’ve seen Miguel suddenly take from his pants pocket an Ideal-brand notebook to scrawl a sentence or make a drawing. The notebook is so mistreated it looks like he snatched it out of a dog’s mouth. The turn of phrase that seems brilliant when we’re drunk can wake up dead the next day, but we take the risk. I guess that’s what nocturnal writing is, to be ephemeral, to kill yourself before you come across a moral truth or a memorable sentence. Nevertheless, it’s possible that in our zeal for destruction we might suddenly find a real poison, and then things would become less stupid.
In some of Fernando Pessoa’s notes that were found after his death is this phrase: “Since intelligence has existed every life is impossible.” I guess for the Portuguese writer, as for other artists, intelligence is an obstacle to a joining with primitive or essential life, but that’s not so; the most exciting life (at least, the only one that interests me) is the one where intelligence launches a struggle against itself, a battle that is lost before it starts. I think that Miguel would more or less agree with me, although you never know. He complains that I want to turn him into an intellectual, even though he always does exactly what he feels like. Among the artists I know, he is one of the few who read good books, a fact that makes him more mischievous, or more perceptive, if you like. You have to be alert at all times, and never drink half-assed. MORE IMAGES >
GUILLERMO FADANELLI, TRANSLATED BY MEGAN MCDOWELL
See all articles by this contributor Anonymous, on Sep 23, 2008 wrote:
well, that was a waste of time. | | Anonymous, on Jul 19, 2008 wrote:
d | | Anonymous, on Jul 18, 2008 wrote:
I guess you have to know the guy to get his type of magnetism.
A Loveable Lunatic?
Diabolical Sweetheart?
I think he embodies all that we are (good AND unfavourable), and all that we suppress in ourselves -which is why he fuels such fiery responses from you.
In anycase, Im sure that any artist would be satisfied that the comment boxes of an article about him and his character warrants such passionate debate, flinging both praises and ’stones’ his way.
RESPONSE!! It’s what any fairly provocative artist ultimately wants out of his art and career.
Well Done Miguel Calderon! | | Anonymous, on Jun 27, 2008 wrote:
mexican art scene, one self indulgence for each other, 2 horse knight, desesperates for some attention. Soliloquio de egos
| | Anonymous, on Jun 26, 2008 wrote:
It’s so pathetic to think that any of this shit is original...and it’s even worse to see it on Vice...come on guys....drinking, doing drugs, writting and romanticizing the whole thing????? I wonder if they realize how they’re copying P. Roth, Bukowski....and so many many more, but in a very bad way.....I mean...come on....it’s bullshit...not art, not even close....it’s so easy.....destroying myself???? it’s shit.....and his art is pretty bad too.... | |
| delacerda, on Jun 25, 2008 wrote:
i hate people. | | Anonymous, on Jun 24, 2008 wrote:
I think it helps if you know who you’re dealing with. Miguel Calderon is like the Aaron Rose or whoever of the late 90s Mexico City art scene, but a far better painter. Vice actually did a really good article on him and Yoshua Okon from La Panaderia back in the day.
viceland.com/int/v9n5/htdocs/money.php | | Anonymous, on Jun 24, 2008 wrote:
I love these people who think not signing up for comments is some sort of revolutionary act.
Keep up the good fight, anonymous guy, one day you’ll bring down this sinister, capitalist website for a free magazine about bands. | | Anonymous, on Jun 24, 2008 wrote:
Regarding the text above the post a comment box.
Being a pussy? No, just making a conscious choice and enjoying the freedom and right to buy what I want and not having some lame multinational company dictate what I need !!! | | Anonymous, on Jun 24, 2008 wrote:
Wow. Seriously.. look at page two. Bad drawings of children. A couple of guys that are mentally impaired. I just don´t get it... either this is a joke or somebody ran out of something serious to contribute. Vice and what it entertainment and stuff for extra thought is completely dying. If you find the above interesting you don´t have to travel far...if you live in the city check out the gutters, there you will undoubtedly find the same kind of losers that drink and feel special about their selfdestruction. Its not art. Its crap. Check out a mental hospital if you find people like that deep and interesting... | | Anonymous, on Jun 23, 2008 wrote:
Wow an essay romanticizing drinking and self destruction. That’s so original. You guys need to do more of this.
| | Anonymous, on Jun 23, 2008 wrote:
Fadanelli es violencia | | Anonymous, on Jun 23, 2008 wrote:
that is pretty gross | | Anonymous, on Jun 23, 2008 wrote:
wow | | |
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