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He looks like a lobbyist for hash.
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“Coming through, people, coming through! Clear the way or I’ll be late for the Stupid Assholes With Pink Jackets and Tiny Backpacks convention. I’m due to give the keynote address in less than 30 minutes! What’s that? Well, since you must know, the topic is ‘Being a Ball-Sucking Shitstain With Fucking Shitty Poodle Hair in 2008.’” Comments/Enlarge | See all







GLOBAL TREND REPORT '08 - MONTRE...
Boys have short hair in Montreal now. Bea...
GLOBAL TREND REPORT '08 - COPENH...
People in Denmark like to refer to themse...
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It's slightly disappointing that no one i...
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Try to put the typical LA tanned, fake-bo...






YES, I AM A MODEL
Trying to Survive in the Cruel, Cruel Wor...
UP-AND-COMERS - UK
Three New Faces in London
A CONVERSATION WITH SUSAN CIANCI...
Susan Cianciolo is a multimedia artist an...
UP-AND-COMERS
Here Are Four New Designers We Like



ANNETTE LAMOTHE-RAMOS
GLOBAL TREND REPORT '08 - NEW YO...
New York girls these days don't want to l...
UP-AND-COMERS
Here Are Four New Designers We Like

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Dear Britain, you need to stop trying to dress like us. You do it cheap and corny and about three years after we gave it up. Go back to being mods or whatever.
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New York girls these days don’t want to look cutesy and innocent—they want to be dark and fucked-up and maybe on speed and heroin. They want to look kind of… eccentric. Hence the umpteenth revival of the Edie Sedgwick look. On any given night at any bar you’ll find at least one girl who’s desperately trying to channel the spirit of overrated old Andy Warhol’s overrated poor-little-rich-girl buddy whom he overratedly exploited the shit out of. These ladies will wear adorable little minidresses with the scariest, most painful high heels in existence. (If you’re a foot freak or a shrimper, New York City is Shangri-La right now.)

Parallel to the Edies are the Mary-Kate Olsen wannabes. These are the tiny little wisps you see in line at Starbucks, frantically punching away at their BlackBerrys, wearing big-ass clunky shoes and gargantuan hoodies to shield themselves from their natural enemy, daylight. Essential to this look are obnoxiously large rings (on every finger) and big bug-eyed sunglasses, which they would be terrified to realize aren’t dissimilar to shit Bono wore in the early 90s.

These girls rage harder than anyone else, and because of this they tend to surround themselves with tomboys. These are the short-haired androgynous things you see chain-smoking cigarettes outside of Earnest Sewn at 11 AM—they’re all still totally obsessed with James Dean and Morrissey and so now, for the third year running, we want to officially say that you pretty, well-adjusted, rich fashion fuckers have ruined the Smiths for real fans, so fuck you.

Men’s style in downtown New York has all melted together. It’s the exact same look with different accessories for different crews. If you listen to Justice and LCD Soundsystem you probably own a pair of patent-leather lace-ups by Schmoove. You wear pants so tight you need to coat your legs with baby powder before you put them on.

Do you skate and listen to Children of Bodom? Then we guarantee you have a lifetime supply of plaid shirts and plaid jackets in your closet. Guys like this are always surrounded by a crew of nicely groomed male “fans” who either work at Opening Ceremony or desperately try to look like they do.

When these Tompkins-skater fanboys hear the sound of little wheels on pavement they get Pavlovian boners. They wear tons of plaid as well, but usually with a Mr. Rogers-esque cardigan (these are ubiquitous and have also filtered down to the absolute bottom of New York society, aka people who work in “marketing”), and sometimes a bow tie. They’ll also wear the most outlandish jewelry—little things carved out of baby puma teeth or something equally ridiculous. Occasionally you can find this breed carrying a “murse” (man purse) from somewhere fancy like Prada or Jack Spade.

Photos, text, and styling: Annette Lamothe-Ramos. Boys: Endovanera jacket, Paul Smith shirt, Nudie Jeans pants, Schmoove shoes; vintage jacket from What Comes Around Goes Around, J. Crew shirt, RVCA jeans, Draven shoes, Burton hat; Corpus sweater, Loden Dager shirt, Howe jeans, Vans shoes, Black Sheep & Prodigal Sons necklace. Girls: H&M dress, Lady Grey Jewelry bracelets and necklace, Alexander McQueen shoes; Topshop dress, Fremont hoodie, H&M belt, Tristan Blair shoes, Insight bag, Kloset necklace, rings by Marc by Marc Jacobs and Noir; Converse by John Varvatos jacket, Earnest Sewn jeans, Tristan Blair shoes, Telfar ring

TO BE CONTINUED
GLOBAL TREND REPORT 2008 | New York | LA | London | Amsterdam | Helsinki | Montreal | Tokyo | Paris | Melbourne | New Zealand | Berlin | Barcelona | Copenhagen | Stockholm | Milan | Antwerp | Vienna |

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COMMENTS


Date: May 03 2008 06:46:13 AM
Author: hater mchateagee

okay...as an original new yorker i liked this article...i mean fuck, i love the whole global trend deal...but i'm in san francisco and...well i understand vice loathes SF. but i dunno, i got greedy and wanted to see them rip apart the sad hipsters' attempts at...what have you. these motherfuckers out here have the worst taste, but what can i say...my hating habits are too overwhelming.



Date: Apr 15 2008 01:06:51 PM
Author: Joe

I only see one tucked shirt in this whole thing. Does this mean I can untuck mine again? Cos I've been trying to keep it in my trousers since 2003 but I'm too lanky or something and it just doesn't want to stay.



Date: Apr 15 2008 03:56:37 AM
Author: pfft

It's all about London.



Date: Apr 11 2008 12:50:08 PM
Author: herbert

people dont wear skin tight pants any more.. do you see ryan mcginley wearing skin tight pants? is anyone buying 19 cm diors? no, no and no. stop misleading the people, vice.



Date: Apr 10 2008 10:24:52 AM
Author: hi5es

I just can't get behind the whole guy's in tight pants thing. It's just to Jovi "87 for me. Even when tight pants where cool,... they really weren't that cool.



Date: Apr 09 2008 09:24:07 PM
Author: arthur

Seems to wrap things up with a little bow on it. I'm sort of on the fence about this one.



Date: Apr 09 2008 04:16:16 PM
Author: hi5es

Not to stereotype like this article, but in general people in NYC are pretentious posers.



Date: Apr 09 2008 01:51:38 PM
Author: Biff

Hell, Biff, that's right.



Date: Apr 09 2008 12:16:22 PM
Author: marvin barry

you mean biff?



Date: Apr 08 2008 01:46:20 PM
Author: laff it up

this sucks!



Date: Apr 08 2008 12:43:58 PM
Author: Jordan

The smiths are fucking gay anyways. who gives a shit if some short-haired dyke ruined them.



Date: Apr 08 2008 11:57:52 AM
Author: metal guy

more like Children of BOREDOM, amirite? that band sucks



Date: Apr 08 2008 11:16:22 AM
Author: Niggy Smallz

New York is alright, if you like saxophones. It also seems to be alright if you are a total homo.



Date: Apr 08 2008 09:13:08 AM
Author: The 80s called

And they want their leather outfit back from the lesbo in the lower right.
Then, oddly, the Grunge movement called to ask when plaid made a come back and they also wonder whether heavily reverbed leads are on their way back in, too.
Buzz called to ask for the number of the guy in the tight pants because he has a message for him, "Hello, Mcfly!"
I don't know anyone from the 1970s except for my mom, and she says that the chick in the white mini-dress is "sort of cute, but her hair isn't very nice." For what it's worth.



Date: Apr 08 2008 08:25:10 AM
Author: double yikez

so basically you're saying you hate New York fashion in all its incarnations. do you honestly not have one positive thing to say about it?



Date: Apr 08 2008 07:54:56 AM
Author: neko

you know that thing that jr high and high school kids do, where they describe what goes on in their school/scene/whatever to anyone that will listen (audience not actually required), putting everyone they see into neat little categories (regardless of how well they actually fit into them), as a way of both trying to process complexity with their simple minds, as well as asserting their dominance over/integration into the perceived social structure?

these kind of articles make me feel so much like i'm listening to a high schooler that i start typing overly verbose run-on sentenc



Date: Apr 08 2008 07:04:13 AM
Author: James

See that guy on the left with the skateboard?

Yeah, I have that exact same blue/brown plaid shirt. It used to be my dad's. He bought it in the 70's.

My dad was so hip that he didn't even know it.



Date: Apr 08 2008 06:36:29 AM
Author: Hand

yeah, bitter! to be honest, this is exactly the same as london.

does anyone find the car advert on the right of every page SO ANNOYING when it comes up really loud and ruins your music?!



Date: Apr 08 2008 03:02:42 AM
Author: ugh

everyone's just copying everything i've done in the last 5 years

losers



Date: Apr 08 2008 12:08:26 AM
Author: yikez

Whoa, bitter. Ripping on your bread and butter is such a harsh sign of self-hatred. Need a hug?



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