Dude is really fucking proud of the fact that his dick looks like the dicks people draw on bathroom walls. Comments/Enlarge |
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Somebody sent us this under the heading "See, you're wrong about flip- flops." We'll concede the flops on this one, but that's only because dude is so broken in he looks like a human jean jacket.Comments/Enlarge |
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Why are these tacky Eastern European sluts with cheap handbags, stressed denim from Forever 21 and frizzed-out hair in the DOs? Um, because we’re not fags that’s why. Ladies, you can save up for an Hérmes bag your whole life. We want what Vince Neil wants. Comments/Enlarge |
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Spanish girls like to dress up to the point where they look like cartoon characters or extras in an Almodovar movie. This is a good and fun thing. Sexy schoolteacher never gets old. Make it pop with a high-waisted leather miniskirt, a stewardess cravat, platinum-blond hair with dark roots, schoolmarm heels, cat’s-eye glasses, and, wow, even a briefcase. Attention to detail much? Please also note the subtle touch of rockabilly whore inherent in the “Rock and Roll” and “Hasta la Muerte” tattoos.
Gypsy lady is another popular look. Wear gaudy scarves, patterned dresses, and lots of bangles and carry a big bag. Textured tights and cork-heeled platforms keep it from being too costumey.
Not all girls cling to fancy dresses and makeup like the last life jacket on the sinking ship of life. On the other end of the spectrum we have the tough metal/skater girl. She remains loyal to Vans and tight black t-shirts and knows that straight men still give the thumbs-up to the low-rise skinny pants where they can see your unders when you bend down. Sort-of-stupid tough-girl accessories like bandannas and tiger-print cuffs are offset by a cute little rubber-duck key ring so people aren’t too scared to talk to you.
As for los muchachos, we’re not sure what to make of the purple people-eater over there. Something about new rave has resonated deeply with the flashy dressers of Spanish youth culture and they will not let go, though at least they’re not wearing leggings anymore. Anyway, let’s not dwell on him, he’s freaking us out.
Skaters we can handle a bit better. This type is a common sight, old as the rings of Saturn. We can hear their wallet chains jingle as they glide by on their nearly prehistoric skateboards and regulation Vans. Skaters have started listening to Suicidal Tendencies again and have taken to cultivating wispy, Latin-styled mustaches. And it seems that large neckerchiefs are here to stay. This is pretty much what all trendy shop assistants look like in Barcelona.
Finally we have the Spanish nerd purist. They live their lives happily with their heads buried in the trend-free sand and stick to their uniform of checked shirts done up the whole way, pleated trousers that end inches above the ankle, bowl haircuts, glasses, calculator watch, and New Balance sneakers. But then they’ll go and get a little hoop earring, just to throw you off, which is what makes them so delightfully Spanish.
Photos: Inma Varandela; text: Toni L. Querol, Jesús Brotons, and Paul Simon; models: Cris, María, Xènia, Papayo, Jean Marc, and Guille
